experimenting with photoshop

took the above photo two and a half years ago in florence, italy. was sorting out photos from the trip, shortlisting the minority that would eventually feature in the photobook (i've been tasked by mummy to work on), and would definitely have scrapped this photo in its original form.

inspired by the myriad of tumblr-like inspirational / nostalgic / vintage photos out there, i attempted a shot at adjusting the curves and exposure of this photo in photoshop, and was rather pleased with the effect! if only i were good enough at photography as a profession, i could really see myself beautifying photos for a living. ordinary photos could be made to tell stories, and even soothe someone's feelings!

On Reminiscing

As I tossed and turned in bed last night trying to get to sleep,  I had a very strange feeling. I imagined myself back as a jc student, preparing to sleep to wake up to a new day at school. It seemed so plausible, and in that moment it's almost possible to forget the fact that so many years have passed. I could picture myself waking up, washing up,  putting my school uniform on and getting ready for school. It made me ponder about how the length of experiences in life are all a matter of how our mind perceives them. If I suffered amnesia,  I could easily believe I was still indeed a 17 year-old student.

Many inspirational self-help articles often teach us not to dwell on the past or live in the future,  but I feel that reminiscing the past is important. I realized it's something I did a lot in the past but hardly think of anymore. I've become too preoccupied with troubles of the present,  and a little numb to the passing of time. Is that what people feel after they've been working for a few years? Grasping onto nostalgia may make one feel a little empty about the time gone by, but it also reminds ourselves about how much things have changed our how some people may have left our lives. And from these changes,  the lessons we have learnt. Reminiscing also reminds me to be thankful for all the good memories that I have been so privileged to have experienced. 

I read this meaningful article,  and really liked and agreed with this quote -

"In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be."

our 25th birthday

So 2013 has come and gone. It's now the 6th day of 2014 and apart from a less than motivating start to yet another career year, my personal life has been pretty fulfilling! In a bid to start the new year on the right foot (pun intended), I went for a 4km jog with zk at west coast park right on the morning of new year's day. The usual me would NEVER yank myself out of bed, away from the precious sleep-till-you-wake-up sleep that is only possible 2 meagre days a week and on the 11 generous days of public holidays singapore has given its workforce. But I was feeling really down from work. I didn't like the disgruntled state I was in; I wanted to get back to being the positive person I was, who would not get affected (for too long) by things out of my control. This time I could not help but brood for far too long. I don't think it's healthy because I imagine literally a weight taking a toll on my heart which is already working so hard every second of the day. That's really how I view stress - as physically harmful as smoking or drinking. I wanted to do something to break myself out from that state of self-pity, frustration and helplessness. What better way to do so than to engage in a healthy activity that would make me proud of myself (and make zk happy too)?

And so I digressed.

The point of this entry was actually to capture precious memories of our 25th birthday. I just wanted to thank and remember the sweet people and their thoughtful gestures in trying to make me/us feel that wee bit more special :)

Much as I didn't exactly expect much form of celebrations this year apart from dinners with both immediate families and whatsapp greetings from the closer friends who'd remember, I was really touched when a few precious groups of friends actually made the effort to 'celebrate' my birthday in person. I guess these people know me well enough in that I don't want or need any gifts or a large expensive cake. These were all really ordinary gatherings but which ended with a simple slice of cake with a candle, carrying the warmth of the people who made me feel all touched and fuzzy inside.

To the people below, thank you....Thanks to those friends who remembered and sent birthday wishes across as well!

snooze

I woke up to find
my hand on the snooze button;
I had been snoozing
all these while, remaining
in a state of transient,
but deep enough sleep.
I fell back into the realm of my dreams quickly each time,
and through it getting glimpses of reality that didn't seem mine;
arms wide open, patiently waiting.

In a dream-like existence, it is easy to confuse
imagination vs. reality;
fiction vs. fact;
past vs. present;
memories vs. history;
rationality vs. intuition;
constant vs. change.

But the world goes by, even
as you are sleeping.
Waking up is difficult but go I must,
for now I know at last.
It is time to leave my castle in the sky
and watch this dream dissolve into dust.

being thankful for each new day

I can't help but feel uplifted each morning when I'm greeted by sights like these. I've always loved the golden warm glow of the morning sun, filtered through the morning mist into beautiful, gentle rays. No matter how bad the day before went, or how stressful today might be, mother nature just has a way to calm my spirits and make me feel that life is beautiful. 

peonies

I've always liked the sweet pastel hues of peonies, and their delicate multitude of layers. Attempted my first freehand watercolour painting of a bouquet of them, completed in less than ten minutes! I'm glad I had the courage to try something I'd envisioned my goal to be: abstract yet sufficiently-detailed, beautiful pieces of art that are calming to the mind. Of course this is nowhere near, but I'm happy I made my first step out into the uncertain, instead of always having to adhere to carefully-planned pencilled outlines and being afraid of making mistakes.

Set our spirits free!

sunrise in bintan

our little escape from reality

focusing on what matters

Today a close colleague of mine told me that she had just tendered her resignation. To be a full-time mum.

I felt really happy for her; I could imagine fully her sense of liberation and anticipation as she looks forward to spending quality time with her baby, especially during the crucial development phase as they start to learn and mould their character and moral values. She said she felt deeply inspired by a Caucasian she saw in Starbucks on a weekday afternoon - watching her baby and the world go by. What a tranquil and blessed feeling!

What surprised myself was that I actually felt envious of her situation -just having the courage to forsake the financial stability of having a job, to focus on what matters and makes one happy. I know that she will be truly happy and it's a beautiful scene in my mind, of her enjoying a cup of tea with baby in tow, and watching the world go by.

I somewhat know that when the time comes, and if our financial situation allows for it, I would be willing to do the same.

I don't know when it began, or how it did, but I've stopped trying to achieve. When not everything is within your control, sometimes it's better not to subject yourself to the stress of the rat race, but to take life slow, and smell the roses along the way.

learnt how to paint reflections and create texture (in the rocks!)

change

I used to be someone who never really believed in losing friendships. the thought of all the good times spent together always made me feel that I should try hard to preserve their continuity indefinitely into the future. But people change, values change, priorities change. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one left behind as everyone moves on with their lives, still hoping things would always stay the way they used to be. But this is a painful thought, and I think it's easier to let certain things go.

Everyone is connected to a few social webs of friendships at once; I wonder how strong the links to my existing ones are, and if I'm already starting to fall off some of them.

pursuing an interest

So I've finally gotten down to learning painting proper; started on watercolour classes with my dearest sinnie, under an extremely talented artist and patient teacher, Seah Kam Chuan (found him through Google)!

In our first lesson, we learnt how to blend different tones together (through painting the sky) and use a waxing technique to create simple but original designs that can be used for cards!

Our second lesson was spent drawing cherries, which was also focused on getting the right tones. We learnt that an object needs at least 5 tones to bring out its shape and three-dimensionality. We also got familiar with the use of musking, which serves to selectively waterproof a precise section of your canvass so that you can paint a smooth background over and around this object.

Decided to spend yesterday practising my drawing and painting..realized it's been a long while since I last let myself immerse in this other world. I have been lazy to create handmade cards or other handicrafts from scratch these days..drawing is such a nostalgic activity for me; it reminded me of my childhood days where I used to draw and colour almost every day. I hope it's not too late to pick up this skill now. I think the biggest difference between the young me and the current me is the originality in my art work. I was so eager and motivated then to draw images from my imagination..now I usually settle for copying a design that I like and find manageable enough. I feel that I have lost my sense of innovation and creativity as a child. I hope that soon, I'll be brave enough to paint original scenes and not be afraid to make many mistakes before I get my perfect picture.

Anyhow, here is my little attempt at drawing Bambi!

before applying an outline

after outlining with a thin brush..i kind of prefer the one without, it has a more vintage feel to it!

just a little intro on my new blog skin: background photo taken (ironically) at a fish farm in stratford-upon-avon, UK; header photo is a silhouette of the mountains & me watching the sunset in lamington national park, gold coast (taken by zk)!

wisdom

Let none find fault with others; let none see the omissions and commissions of others. But let one see one’s own acts, done and undone. – The Buddha.

next on my to-handmake list:

the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society

what i originally thought was a book of alternative genre (credits to its unusual name) turned out to be one of best reads I've had in a while.

it was a while that i looked forward to long bus journeys even after a tired day at work, and a while that i jumped onto my bed, in office wear and hands unwashed after stroking the condo cat, and read ferociously for 2 and a half hours straight. i finished the book and went without dinner!

the story is based in the channel islands in 1945, just after the end of the German occupation. the entire book is written in the form of letters exchanges between the main characters, and depict so realistically human emotions of empathy, light-headedness with an overarching nonchalant dignity associated with a love interest, bravery amidst suffering in wartimes, sarcasm, humor, unconditional giving by people who have suffered, friendship and love.

most of all, it reminded me of how beautiful communication becomes when it takes place through letters. with the technology we have nowadays, why would one write lengthy, entertaining letters to update another on his life? less is the need to string beautiful chains of words, and gone is the true meaning of keeping in touch- satisfying a genuine interest in the life of another.

communication these days seem more an activity to pass time on the train, to coordinate schedules of a group of people, elevated chatter that never delve deeper. we just don't give ourselves the luxury of time to think more pensive thoughts and pen them down, ink to paper.

I think that beautifully phrased thoughts make one think of the world as a more beautiful place, and thus one a kinder and more appreciative soul.

i was also saddened, trying to lap up every morsel of information in the book after finishing the story, when I read that the author had passed on (at an age of 74) and this was the only novel she'd written..I wish she wrote more!

and a pity we don't write letters anymore.

a new start

discovered the blogger app on the itunes store! hopefully being able to blog on-the-go will reignite my desire to write, since i usually forget most of my passing thoughts by the time i get home/somewhere convenient to pen them down.

with that i hope to start thinking a little more, and wandering a little less.

约定

haha i haven't blogged in ages, i wonder if anyone still bothers to visit this abandoned space. -blows dust-



got introduced to this song recently by zk. well, i've heard of it before, but it's the kind of song which you find familiar and can hum along to, but never really knew its singer, title or lyrics. it drove me to write this post because it got me all pensive again. i must say it's been a while since i last really immersed in my thoughts and got in touch with my emotions; it's a really heartwarming feeling..

these days, i get a little too caught up with the present. i'm not the kind who worries incessantly about the future or finds faults with the present, but i used to reminisce so much more than i do today (if i even do at all). reminiscing makes me feel human all over again because it paints a new coat of colours to faded, dumbed-down memories, invokes emotions into me, and reminds me of the life-embracing person i once was. it makes me recall how simple life was before and could still be now, how my emotions were so easily brought to a high by the smallest of events- knee-knocking trick i used to play on my friends in ny, chapteh in jc, an sms from zk back in jc...i don't know if it's true for others, but reminiscing makes all troubles in the present seem all the more trivial, because when you look back, you probably only recall the sweet and positive memories 90% of the time.

i must admit my emotions have been as lifeless as a graveyard in recent years- never too happy, or never too sad (apart from when i argue with zk). if i were to find a reason for this change, i would think it's just a way of protecting myself; while i am probably less inclined to feeling hurt or disappointed, i don't get truly, deeply happy too...

is it a worthwhile trade-off?

i think the fact that i haven't been blogging shows how much i've been really thinking, not academically or intellectually as i strive to improve myself at my job, but spiritually. it's not that i've been lazy, i just had NOTHING to write about; no new ideas, reflections, thoughts, emotions, inspiration, happenings..many a time i attempt to start a blog entry just to get the creative juices flowing, but i give up after a sentence or two. i think i'm not opening my heart enough to experience what there is to life...in the past when i first started this blog in jc and basically rambled on about how happy i was to meet up with my friends, how guilty i was for not mugging, it seems so trivial and childish looking back now, but i miss how my emotions were driven by such simple events. is this all part of growing up?

anyway, back to the point of why i wanted to share this song. i think i haven't heard a song like this in a while- so heartfelt and genuine. its lyrics depict an idealistic way of love, but which is so simple and achievable. i can't explain why it caused me to start reminiscing on past events again, but it did make me feel somewhat sad too. do i have this love so succinctly espoused in this song? is this love even possible if i'm the only one feeling excited about and looking forward to a future together?

i'm worried, my boyfriend either has amnesia or creates untrue memories

deborah says:
kk
did u notice ur new profile pic?
SOH says:
haha
ya
actually i chose it randomly, it was a picture from vienna
deborah says:
DEAR!
STOP LYING!
SOH says:
quite cute one the trees have leaves that form into balls!
dear it's true!!
deborah says:
dear
I WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED UR DP
WHEN U WERE NOT IN UR ROOM!
SOH says:
huhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i chose itttttttttttttttttttt
deborah says:
NO!
SOH says:
msn??
deborah says:
YES!
SOH says:
OMG dear no!!!!
i chose ittttttttttttttttt
deborah says:
YESSSSS
DEAR
U ARE LYING THRU UR TEETH!
SOH says:
REALLY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
deborah says:
YESSSSSSSSSSS
DEAR
SOH says:
I REMEMBER CHOOSING IT!!!!!!!!!1
deborah says:
NO!
I REALLY CHOSE IT
I WANTED TO CHANGE UR DP
BEFORE THIS I FORGOT WAD IT WAS
THEN I BROWSED THRU UR PHOTOS ON UR COMP
WHICH IS LIMITED ANYWAY
THEN I SAW THIS COULD POTENTIALLY BE A GOOD PROFILE PIC
SO I CHOSE IT!
SOH says:
HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
omg
i have a serious problem
i really have this recollection that I was the one who chose it
deborah says:
omgggggg
SOH says:
this is weird

a hidden heart

It's times like these I really wish you were here beside me to give me a hug and make me feel nothing can be too bad for me to handle with you around.