just beyond the clouds

i just finished reading this book by karen kingsbury, titled "Just Beyond the Clouds", and i really enjoyed my read! :)

it revolves around 2 adults with Down Syndrome, Daisy and Carl Junior- whose genuine and innocent love and care for each other makes relationships seem so simple and real- and their older siblings, Elle & Cody who eventually fall in love too..the whole story is just very sweet..Elle is a teacher in a school which gears its students with Down Syndrome up for independent living, where each of them has a Goal Day, something which gives their lives meaning and something to look forward to..Cody initially struggles against the idea as he believes that his brother CJ should be safely at home, taken care of by his family, given his medical problems..he felt that the school was just instilling impossible ideas in his brother's mind as he would never be able to take care of himself..but he slowly grows to realise that all the "life skills" Elle has been teaching were having tremendously positive effects on the students there..

I could identify with some of the life skills they tried to impart to the students cos we seek to achieve them during sessions too..but i guess the book probably catered to more high-functioning students and thus not all the ideas are applicable..but some of the skills the students mastered were memorizing bus routes, baking & cooking (where different students were in charge of bringing different ingredients), shopping within a budget, cleaning up, reading & writing, speaking at appropriate volumes, crossing the road safely, table manners, making choices between alternatives, recognizing feelings and talking about them, dancing, maintaining a healthy diet, exercising and as this book is written by a staunch christian, prayer was one of the most important skills emphasized.

each Friday Elle would bring her students on field trips, something they very much looked forward to, just like our trainees in RSPID! :) it's so sweet how CJ always tries to protect Daisy when it rains because she's afraid she would melt, just like the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz..he would tell her that "there is sunshine..just beyond the clouds"..which i felt was really heartwarming :)

other than that, there is of course the love that blossoms between Elle & Cody, both of whom have experienced life-turning events causing them to not want to love again..i highly recommend this book! :)

lastly, may i quote these phrases from the book, which touched me particularly:

"A mother know she's done a great job when she has an empty nest and a full heart"

"Down Syndrome is nothing more than a layer of clouds, really. Clouds that cover up a very bright sunshine." (and hence the title & theme of the book!)

the transformers

i watched the transformers on tv yesterday in full for the first time, and it was simply heartbreaking yet touching at the same time..they told the story of a 75 year-old man, who is still slogging his life away as a karang guni to support his family of 3 kids and a wife, all of whom do not work at all..notably, his kids have all grown up, but they are not just not independent to support even themselves, much less their parents, who should be enjoying their old age by now..his youngest two daughters jumped to their deaths, which could possibly be the reason why the other children are not mentally stable today, having been traumatized by the tragedies in their family. when the hosts visited his apartment, there was hardly any space to walk at all! it was filled, almost to the ceiling, with decades of items, junks, and other stuff he repaired, collected through his work as a karang guni..

yet, despite all the sadness that loomed over the family (he even prepared casket photos of both his wife & himself already), he could still face life with such optimism and willpower..i really admire his strength..it was heartwrenching to see an old man like him shed tears as he related his life story to the hosts..it was touching to see his home, which originally looked like a junkyard simply unsuitable for inhabitance, transformed into one which now boasted of beds, a luxury almost all of us take for granted..it lifted my heart to see him smiling from ear to ear, after finally being able to see 'walls' in his house, and having his items converted into cash...

the show reached out to me constantly, and i'm sure other viewers as well, to really cherish what we have..the old man said that they occasionally would chi hao de, which was to packet food with a few dishes costing $2..and they didn't cook because gas is expensive..what a difference it would make if the richer people of this society would just share a tiny bit of their wealth with the less well-to-do..

hmm..and i realised when some things are gone, they are gone forever..no matter how hard i try, it is not for me, a single person, to change anything..and perhaps this is just how it's meant to be..living in separate worlds, with occasional overlaps in our lives..

capturing beautiful moments :)

i like how the sun's rays can create a sky boasting a palette full of colours, and how the clouds join in the merriment to bring beautiful sights, one after another, to our eyes..



each time when it is nearing sunset and i get the chance to witness just a slightly orange sky, i'd always stop in my tracks to admire it just for a few moments more..to capture that soothing picture in my memory, and to appreciate how beautiful nature can be..whenever i'm on the train and the vast sky outside, together with the setting sun, cast a golden light over the land, i just can't help but wish i could run to the edge of the island, with no buildings to obstruct my view, just to keep snapping pictures of the wondrous sky!



i like how the sky always seems darker towards the top, with a gentle gradient bringing it to a lighter shade where it touches the land..how clouds glow along their silver linings..how they turn orange, red and pink when the sun sets..a simple blue sky with white clouds or one common to the break of day, with its blue and orange streaks, makes me feel blessed to be alive somehow! i always wish i was a better artist, able to paint what i see, but i know i can never reproduce such stunning gradients that only Mother Nature is capable of!



and i'm very happy that i got my new camera! i feel really excited that i can better capture all these wonderful scenery around me..here are the first few photos i took with it! :)

also, exams are finally over! yet again, a semester has gone by just like this..i don't really want uni to be over so fast..i think its one of the last moments i still feel sheltered, guided along..and youthful! so i must cherish these moments as best as i can!

random thoughts

i went over to my grandma's house the other day..which make me think about how noble domestic workers, or maids, actually are..each of them made a big sacrifice in coming to singapore, to take up the role of usually the sole breadwinner of the family, to enable those back home to lead a better life, in turn having to leave all their loved ones behind..and having to face all the uncertainy that lies ahead of them bravely- the kindness of the family which they'll live with, having to adapt to a whole new lifestyle and most of all, deal with all the loneliness of being abroad alone..and this makes me sympathize with them, and respect them at the same time..and i therefore cannot understand how some people can treat their maids so rudely..expecting these domestic workers to be at their beck-and-call, and every slight mistake made is treated as an inexcusable error, which simply reduces these poor workers, also human beings with feelings just like us, into slaves! i don't think poverty should be a cause for anyone to stand over anyone else, or assume he is of a higher class and therefore in a commanding position. yes, i know that maids are paid to work for their employers in a way, but i thought they're just supposed to be helpers, not servants? simple acts of pouring a glass of water can't be too difficult to be performed by oneself, isn't it? haha nothing happened that made me write all these la..just that i've been having this feeling through the years and finally remembered to voice it!

the trip to pohpoh's hse also made me realise how much i miss laddieboy and how i wish i could still hug him now... :( remember how we used to play hide-and-seek and catching together whenever i came back home to pohpoh's house in primary school..

on to other stuff, i'm REALLY stressed!! had my FINAL lesson of the sem today, but somehow, i don't feel a sense of release, because exams are sooo close and i'm so unprepared! i must really learn to study smart and stop trying to waste time memorizing everything! and most of all, i MUST STAY FOCUSED!

jiayou everyone!! :) the holidays will be here soon!!

a touching moment

just that day after swimming therapy ended and we were walking our trainees out to board the bus, i witnessed a moving scene that really touched my heart..as always, sherra's dad came to pick her..as we passed through the turnstile, he was there, patiently awaiting her arrival..when she reached, he immediately held her by the hand, every step of the way back to his vehicle, speaking to her constantly with genuine concern..he must have asked her how her day at the pool was..i was simply overwhelmed by that unassuming display of parental love..which reminded me of how much my parents love me and how i always never appreciate them enough..how daddy would always ask me how my day went and how i'd sometimes mind his constant asking of questions..when the only reason he asks so much is because he cares for me..

watching father and daughter leave hand-in-hand, tears simply welled up in my eyes..no matter how their children may grow up to be like, parental love is all-encompassing, noble and unconditional..

an aimless life

been thinking alot about my life lately..and the more i think, the more uncertain i am of what i'm doing in accountancy, and if auditing or finance is really what i want to take up as a career. at least for now, i can safely say that my interests lie elsewhere, and i really can't visualise enjoying myself in this competitive business world. nor do i have the interest to even find out more about wad's going on in the market, what the finance industry does etc..which struck me rather hard as i dont know if i'm just wasting my time studying something that's leading to a job i can't really identify with..

i still do wish very much that i had gotten into medicine then..i think this will be a regret i'll have for the rest of my life, unless i'm able to find a career that truly motivates me in just one and a half years..i don't know if it was fate then that things should be this way, or simply cos i'm just lousy at interviews in general..but i find this feeling of regret getting more and more intense rather than it fading away as time passes..if i were given another chance to make another application, would i be courageous enough to give up what i've learnt for 2 years? but at least its something i can see myself being happy doing..sigh..it's just this sinking feeling that's always there, that i sometimes choose to run away from because i know i will feel sad if i keep letting it sink in..

another interest i had was to join precious moments as a designer, but after much effort trying to find out more about the job options it offered, i realised that firstly, it recruits only in the U.S and secondly, i don't think they have a group of designers, but only one designer, Sam Butcher, who invented all these teardrop-eyed characters in the first place! i obviously overestimated myself! haha..i just find the world that these characters portray very beautiful..simple, pretty and filled with goodness..who doesn't agree that precious moments stuff are just so captivating? but anyway, so much for my endeavour to work there and be part of this beautiful creation..

in the process of looking through their website, i found this super cool video of how a figurine is created, from the design stage right till the sculpting and painting stage! i feel so inspired...

here's the link!
http://www.preciousmoments.com/content.cfm/how_pm_made

haha not sure if anyone will go open it to see, but it's just so much talent there! i wish i had such abilities..

another option i was considering was to set up a bakery of some sort..again, i don't like the business side of it..ahh i really dont know wad i'm doing in this course!

i must not fall asleep so easily!

i'm back! realised i haven't blogged for rather long..this sem seems to have passed super fast..i'm already more than halfway through it, and it still feels like i just started school! not really sure what that implies..

glad this school week is finally over..you could say its possibly the most stressful week (apart from exams) of this semester..and i really felt like i needed a breather..each and every commitment seemed equally important, but i just really had no time to accomplish all of them, and with a standard i could be proud of..or perhaps, i just did not have enough motivation to keep awake..i just keep falling asleep! i can really conclude that sleeping is my greatest vice right now! i really don't know how my friends could admire me in the past for being able to survive on very little sleep...it seems totally impossible now! just abit of work makes me wanna sleep already..hais..but yea back to my point, i'm a little disappointed with myself for not being to juggle my various commitments well..and i guess i compromised most on my projects..i'm really lucky i have fabulous project mates this sem who are very understanding..but i still feel very bad i'm not able to do as much as i would like to, or would if i were in a less tied up situation..

i need a break!

recess week was hardly even a break for me..ironically it was more stressful than the usual school weeks..guess cos i knew i had alot of tests and projects due the week after and so i was more stressed plus more than half the week was dedicated to rspid stuff..i just wanted some time to myself!!

haha this post is sounding so whiney but i dont care!

i think i'm getting the hang of planning and running sessions, but i still feel really inexperienced..lotsa things i do not yet know (& perhaps i never will) and really loads to learn! but i guess it's a good learning experience..and i hope that one year from now i can look back and feel happy with what i've done..really glad for all my fellow volunteers in rspid..think they're all really nice and sincere people..which is one of the reasons that draws me back to our sessions week after week! :)

my friends who're studying in UK have flew back already..feel that i didn't meet up with them as much as i'd like to..feel kinda angry with myself..for not making the effort to really catch up with all of them..hmm..but at least i saw them at least once each! :) to ang chieh, vips and huahua, take good care of urself back there k! and to mavis! i dont know if you still read my blog, but i'm looking forward to your return in november!! hang in there for your exams!!

k la im getting sleepy will update again another time!

cherish

i realized there's no point trying too hard..if its meant to be, it will be..all the one-sided greetings..i should have known better, earlier..if you're not wanted around, it will show..what's the point of putting aside my pride then, for something that i have in reality little control over..maybe i'm thinking too much..but it's painful when you start speculating, hope that it's not the truth, but later find out it actually is..you start to understand so well that ignorance is really bliss..what happened to friendship that was supposed to be simple, all-encompassing and gracious? hope in uncertainty gives one strength, but more often than not, it leads to even more disappointment than if one did not hope at all..should i still hope for anything, then?

i have always, during times of adversity, be brought back to the simple truth that the people i can run to for faith, for assurance are just right in front of me. my parents..i hate myself for never appreciating them enough..will i ever be able to love as unconditionally as them? no matter what happens, they're always there for me..making me feel that everything will be alright..for as long as i stay within their protective arms..how daddy, above anyone else, will do whatever he can to stand up for my rights..even if it seems that nobody else cares..i felt so safe, so secure to leave everything in his hands..and mummy, always taking care of every little detail of my life..makes me feel that nothing can be too difficult for me to handle, as long as they're around..

and for you dear, for simply being the best boyfriend in the world..more than i could ever ask for..always so understanding to accomodate my schedule..trying your best to find me whenever i am sad..no matter how inconvenient it is for you..like my parents, you make me feel so secure just knowing i have you in my life..thank you for loving me..

i must must stop being so caught up with my own life, and really start to cherish the people who mean so much to me..i always want to share my innermost thoughts with my parents..but somehow, the desire to appear strong in front of them always becomes an obstacle to my doing so..sigh..

i will press on!

a genuine display of love

on my way home today, i witnessed a simple but moving act of love. it was raining the whole day and i was just hoping to reach home as soon as possible and seek shelter from the rain. as i was walking up the stairs, a couple was walking down. what caught my attention immediately was that the guy, who was holding the umbrella, was only half-sheltered by it. it seemed so natural for him to want to keep his partner dry. and they didn't seem like those lovey-dovey couples still in the honeymoon period, in which the guy would sometimes try too hard to impress the girl. rather, his noble act was one that he didn't have the intention of letting his girl know, simply walking down together in a perfectly normal, mundane manner older couples do.

this is what true love is about i guess, having no qualms about putting the ones you love before yourself. <3

nostalgia

i was sorting and looking through my jc texts while clearing my room and sigh, was hardly hit by nostalgia all over again..from the most unexpected source! my chem s and physics s tys..just flipping through the pages, looking at the notes i diligently but blindly jotted down during the lectures..i actually miss the whole feeling of staying back after school and attending these lectures during which i'm almost always lost and unprepared for..then, i'd always feel tempted to skip them, sometimes filling our time before the lectures by playing cards..at times there'll be others in the class doing their homework too..all these may not seem extraodinary or out of the mundane, but somehow the memory is just so impactful..perhaps its the reliving the feeling of spending time so freely with my friends..like yk, yh, mavis...being together for the purpose of passing time..something almost impossible now, with everyone having their own busy lives to handle..meeting up is already a blessing..

i really really miss those days..

and the recent influx of odacians posting past odac photos on facebook simply resulted in all my odac memories rushing back to me..and again, it was just too overwhelming..the feeling of wanting to experience all of it all over again..is that nostalgia? from our expeditions, taking long bus journeys together, sleeping in tents together, kayaking & sports climbing together..to our PT sessions in school, dinners after sessions..i just miss EVERYTHING! argh..

recently, it feels as though alot happened in my life..i guess its mainly cos of rspid recruitment..but when responsibility has been thrust onto your shoulders when you're hardly prepared for it, you're just forced to grow up and rise up to the occasion..i still don't feel confident of being decisive and rational, and i feel demoralized by that..i'll learn i guess..but i'm still really really glad i have the rest of the RSPID family to rely on..i feel blessed to have known this genuine and kind-hearted group of people...i'll never regret joining rspid..even if it has greatly compromised on my time to do other things..seeing the little adorable antics of our trainees week after week is just enough to make my week! :)

on a separate note, how much should one give to a friendship? when it hurts you over and over again, what should you do? is nonchalance really the best way out? but it's not so easy to remain nonchalant in the first place..did it really have to be this way? i don't know..what else can i do anyway?

i shall be random here and post a picture of my beloved rainbow and sunshine for all of you who miss them! hehe