a life-changing decision

yesterday, i made wad i can consider to be the biggest decision i've made in my life so far..and probably a life-changing one..

i'm not sure if i made the right decision, but since i made it already, i shan't be swayed when others think otherwise..

whatever it is, i believe the most important thing is to always cherish the present and to try our best to seek happiness in whatever we do :)

i shan't doubt anymore.

i'm officially a final year student now..mentally, i don't even feel that old or mature enough! we have been bombarded by career services emails with a slew of networking sessions available, which just reinforces my fear that i still don't know wad i wanna do in future! however, the many people who have spoken to me have reiterated the importance to find something that suits me, and not go for the most glamorous/high-paying jobs..haha then i will go set up a handicrafts shop already! hehe..

but anyway, i'm somewhat glad to be bugged constantly at the back of my mind to really cherish this last year in uni..i can already imagine all the things i'll miss..mugging with friends, going for lessons together, walking from place to place, eating lunch with my friends, meeting up with rspid peeps, and simply having the flexibility to choose how i wanna spend my time before/after school! next time, i'll be bound by rules of my workplace from 9 to 6, work mondays to fridays, and there'll be no more school holidays!!

i have also attended my first lesson at nus! for the only mod i'm taking there hehe..financial markets..i think the teacher is not bad! her pace is just right for us to absorb what she's saying, and i feel the lessons are gonna be very insightful cos i personally know nuts about the financial markets..so it's quite like a spoon-feeding of information! hehe..i met this super nice and friendly girl outside the classroom cos we were both early, who totally dispelled all my fears of not being able to find a group or friend to sit with..she let me sit beside her and also join their project group! :)

speaking of nus, i so wish enghui was still here! then i'll be able to meet her every wed at least..only managed to speak to her once on msn since she left for sweden, but it seems that the 2 singaporean girls with her are really taking care of her so i'm glad! :) do e-mail us and update your blog okie dear? take more photos of your room, your school and the beautiful scenery there for us to see!! bin and i went to the airport to see her off, and her parents gave us a lift home! feel so bad cos her mum and ahma had to squeeze behind with us! :/ hope my wifey is not feeling too lonely now..since sinnie's bro also flew back to US already..

rspid went to rj ytd for myg sports day! wow they installed so many new things since we left..i think the school's really pretty now, and even more conducive as a place to stay back and study in! they now have mini waterfalls, biodiversity ponds, outdoor basins surrounded by flowers, new pull-up bars, new fancy railings at the amphi, and of cos, air con in classrooms! the students there are so lucky! but i heard about the extravagant school fees they are paying now too haha..everything comes with a price i guess..

somehow, of all the times i've been back to rj since i graduated, yesterday was really the first time i felt so emo by all the nostalgia different parts of the school presented..perhaps it was cos i was muilian's teacher, and constantly lagging behind the rest (with her slow pace of walking) gave me the opportunity to walk pass the different corners of the school at a speed which allowed so many memories to rush back simply to my mind..somehow when sufficient time has passed, i'm only able to recall the pleasant memories..and i could just see myself at a specific spot doing specific things with my friends! from hanging out at yz's exclusive homeroom, playing chapteh wif 3m peeps almost everywhere around school, just eating at the canteen, mugging at the windy area, having PE lessons at the track or indoor sports hall..i've really never felt so nostalgic about rj before..the previous times i came back with my friends, it was filled with playing ball games/chapteh/card games that i never really had the time to stop and recall all my memories within the school..nostalgia is such a bitter-sweet feeling i'm not sure if it makes me feel happy (that i have such memories in the first place) or sad (that these are all just part of the past and i probably will never relive them again)..

i stopped by the odac room...really looks quite different..much neater of course..and no more hamsters...i remember how cute and round our hamsters were! maybe that's the reason they couldn't live long too.. :( there is now a long table in the centre of the room with some pots..looks more spacious now with less items cluttering the floor..sigh i really miss odac..so many corners of the school just reminded me of how we spent time together doing PT, at different parts of the school! be it the track, or walking towards the classroom blocks to climb stairs..i really miss odac batch 21!! gave me so much beautiful memories in my jc days to look back on..

our trainees were adorable as usual ytd..at the end, kokhui amazed us with his repertoire of local songs! belting out song after song so excitedly, even more so after we cheered and clapped for him! looks like muilian is not the only one who enjoys singing so much! hehe..and then muilian and joanne were super self-entertained by 'shooting' others with their 'gun' formed by their fingers..when yawen pretended to fall from their shoot they were SUPER happy la and kept trying to shoot her over and over again! hehe..but anyway, i really think that muilian is facing problems with her right knee..she always complains that it's pain, and from the way she walks down stairs and sits down, it really seems to be painful for her..anyone got any solutions to reduce this joint pain??

on another note, vips is back!! :D goodness i'm gonna see him for 3 consecutive days in a row! met yk & him for dinner on fri, when anyi later joined us and we had a rare htht within the 4 of us..he came to rj to supposedly mug with me ytd after my cca ended but we just kept talking! (what he calls an un-induced htht as compared to fri's haha) in the end i didn't even read a single word of my textbook la (waste edmund's effort for carrying it around for me! haha)..and being the wimp he is, he had to go home at 8pm!! !!! and tonite, we're meeting for dinner again! with a few other 3m peeps...hopefully i'll be productive enough today so i won't feel guilty about not doing anything the entire weekend!

our impromptu dinner at ajisen!

looks like vips never changed..sigh

by the pretty waterfall at the new rj biodiversity pond!!

water lily in the pond :D

hehe my new model in my modelling agency- join the ranks of liowliow tan. mural on one of the 3rd floor walls..

hehe pink lady! :p i asked vips to bring a chapteh along to rj, and he went to buy one!! but its such a lousy chapteh! which chapteh is made of raffia string and can be used as a fringe!! but it was so ex for a chapteh so i was touched he actually got it..

i wanted to blog about the movie, Up, too! i watched it wif binbin, and coincidentally the rspid peeps were 2 rows behind us! :) i really liked the movie..and to me, there is no one part of the movie which is less meaningful than another cos throughout the movie, there was this constant melancholic overtone of how much fred missed his late wife..despite the comedric effects, we are reminded that the whole point of their journey was the old man's desire to fulfill his wife's only wish (or so he presumed) to live near paradise falls..i found it extremely poignant when he kissed her forehead when she was on the hospital bed, and again when he kissed her photo on the wall..like he could be grumpy towards everyone else, but he was always gentle and sweet towards his wife..hehe and i like kevin's babies!!

hehe oh ya i felt quite proud of the present i made for diana darling :) first time i sewed something so 'big' from scratch, and it can actually function! hehe..though i gave her really belatedly :x

jiayou everyone for school! :)

back to being slack!

my no-worries-at-all days are finally here, as anticipated!

my internship finally ended last friday, 'finally' not so much cos i wasn't enjoying it, but more of cos i wanted to just relax and enjoy some personal time before school starts..i guess i will be doing much more reflections when i start on my PA report (hopefully tmr) but on the whole, i guess i really enjoyed it, mostly cos of a really wonderful team..initially i felt only my buddy was really warm and friendly, but after a while, when the rest started opening up to me, everyone was really nice to me! and what i respected most about this internship is that they really trusted me with their daily BAU and i was doing things that they would have had to do if i didn't do them anyway..and i like it cos i like to see purpose in what i am doing..on the not so positive side, made me realise that i may not really want a career that entails such routine work, as much as i thought i would have? i always thought i wouldn't mind doing something routine and simple, as long as it had a purpose to it, just like how i really enjoyed being a patient services clerk at sgh..but i guess the difference is that the latter allowed me to meet and serve different people, such that it didn't really seem that mundane after all...as of now, prob because i've only been at the job for 2 months, i still take on tasks enthusiastically and diligently..but what will i see of my attitude if i've been at it for 5 years? hmm..

i may be going back for lunch with my buddy and two other interns (one still there, one already ended like me) on friday! :)

on to more bimbotic stuff, i soft rebonded my hair! haha omg..it all started at shaoqin's party, when diana, chujie & i were discussing what we should do together the next day..and chujie suggested rebonding! and the 3 of us decided to be part of this life-changing event together!! hehe..so chujie and i rebonded, while diana cut bangs!! still not used to having straight hair..waiting for a few more days to pass so i can tie it up! haha..so glad we all did it together, if not i would never have had the courage to do sth like that!

before!

i think this photo of chujie is so cute! hehe

after! both of them look so pretty!! :) (i look horrendous so i'm not posting my photo here)

and diana lent me her twilight book! i finished it in 2 days! and hopeless me went on to watch the movie online! i guess what draws so many fans (in girls) to the story is how idealistic it is..a super good-looking guy with all the strength, speed and talents (which can make a girl feel more than secure) is nonchalant towards everyone else, but deeply in love with this one girl..sometimes it IS painful to read/watch such stories cos you know it can't happen in real life! and being vampires together seems so perfect cos you can never age and simply be with your loved one forever..

hehe blabbering so much today!

hmm..zk's at hall camp now..he's in hall 6! glad for him cos it's near all the sports facilities so i'm sure he'll enjoy himself..the thought of him at foc makes me feel nostalgic though..the slight awkwardness when first trying to break the ice..the enthusiasm when you see potentially good friends in some ppl..though till now, wad i don't like about such camps is the need to be enthusiastic when you're actually tired, and cheering! i don't like cheering!! haha..but yup hope he finds some good friends inside! jk is with him anyway..quite excited about both of them being roomies since they've been the best of friends since primary school! :) quite excited about seeing quite a few of them coming to nbs, just NEXT WEEK! hehe..zk, jk, sh and anyi! :) can all lunch together hehehe..

went to nus today to get my tutorial slot for the sole module i'm taking there next sem..sometimes i wonder why i still bother to take just one mod! i guess for the experience and also to lessen my workload in sem 2?? haha i dunno! but i just wanted to say thank you to enghui and jingjing..for being really great friends in just accompanying me to the business school to do sth so trivial which does not matter to them at all! esp jingxiu who came all the way from home and went wif me to imm just for me to get some materials tooo..i just felt really glad cos such friends are so rare..friends who don't mind travelling distances with you while you run some errands, just so to spend more time with ya..riends who don't make me feel bad and keep wanting to apologize for wasting their time cos we're so comfortable with each other..such friends are really far and few and i must cherish them! :)

some random photos!

hehe supposed to be doing my case study slides now but been procrastinating like crazy sigh! shall upload some photos from random events here!

pretty sight just outside capital tower that meets my eyes every night when i leave work!

celebrating my passing of my driving test + our procrastinated anniversary dinner! hehe

rspid main comm dinner the day before peipei left..i think all of us felt the same way, that the dinner was such a sweet and enjoyable one..maybe it was the ambience, maybe it provided kind of a closure to our term esp after proj id, or maybe we really all became closer..that we're no longer just comm members, but true, close friends :) really love ya guys!

hehe look at my silly friends! :p

my peipei, popular as always, had an entourage of ppl to see her off at the airport! hope you're enjoying urself in PISA now! don't be homesick okie u must make the most of your experience there..we're all missing ya hereeeee

really really touched for these 2 groups of friends who came down for project id and subjected themselves to the walkathon! hehe..it must have sounded dubious to you guys when i first asked you, and what i'm touched about is that you all came down really just to support your friend, without really questioning what the activity was about..THANK YOU enghui, yz, yk, shifu, ken, kezia, zq & kelvin :) so happy to see you all that day! also hope you guys learnt sth more about the intellectually disabled!

wei's 21st!! the BERRIESSS! think everyone must have found us very childish to think of such nicknames in uni!! hope you enjoyed your party ytd girl..and i really meant it when i said you looked like an angel last nite :) so white, happy, radiant and sweet :)

at dover mrt before going for curl..i liked the morning sunlight streaming through the glass! hehe..look at ur double chin dear! u're getting fat!! muahahaha! 5 more daysss! :D

project IDentity 2009 :)

project id's finally over!! i'm actually too tired now to really write all that i wanna say..will continue another day..

just wanted to say that i feel really really blessed, for everything :)

here're some photos first! (courtesy of uncle palm! hehe)

RSPID family photo :)

banner with well-wishes from the public & fellow volunteers!

my beloved commiesss (salome disappeared!!)

thank you everyone :) do feel a little tempted not to go for work tmr sighhh

haven't blogged in quite a while! this month has simply been a blur for me, with project id just round the corner and internship taking up my time till close to 8pm everyday!! weeks just fly past like that, and before i know it, it's just ONE week left to project id and 4 weeks left of my internship!!

really really glad for everyone in our program comm, they're just so efficient, meticulous and responsible! till chujie and i felt we were the limiting factors initially!! but really glad i have chujie wif me..we're literally on the phone everyday, be it during working hours or after..glad to be working with someone who cares as much about things going as smoothly as possible :)

and of cos for others like diana and peipei, who always offer their help..salome who always agree to wadever requests we have of their comm, and bingyao, willing to do the most tedious of all- logistics! and andy for coordinating just everything :)

on another note, i dunno why but i really feel quite sad over michael jackson's passing..i can't say i was a passionate fan, but i really do admire his music..he has penned and sung beautiful songs like 'We Are the World', 'Heal the World', 'Ben', 'Earth Song', 'Billie Jean', 'I'll Be There' and just so so many more..just feel wasted that he didn't really have the chance to 'redeem' himself before he left..what with all the public scandals of child molest, humongous debts, plastic surgery..the world just started to forget what a talented performer he was..glad that he still has his hordes of loyal fans, literally all around the world..i was reading 8 days this week where they documented his life..and looking at the photos of his child and teenage years really moved me..he looked so normal, so simple, so happy then..why couldn't he just stay that way? it's just difficult to imagine how someone who looked like that could turn into someone who looked totally different..someone eccentric..i wish there were just people around him at that time who could tell him he looked just perfect, just as endearing..perhaps his life would not have had such a tragic end..but i guess it was also his image (on top of his talent) that made him such a pop icon..

here's a video of him when he was really young, 11 years i think! it's SUPER cute..just reminds us of how as a child, he was already so talented..

(cant seem to embed the vid so here's the link!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrGTOu59lIg&feature=related

zk's flying off for his backpacking trip tmr..for 3 weeks!! :( i know i should feel happy for him, but i can't help but feel sad..i dread the separation..i dread the feeling of him telling me he's on the plane and he has to switch off his phone already.. :'( shall just busy myself with work!

take care of yourself and be safe dear,

will be waiting for you to come back!

blessed :)

changed my blog music! hehe.."the lion sleeps tonight"..i like how the melody can seem to transport one into a jungle atmosphere, exciting & carefree..i tried to find the acapella version i managed to find years ago for my mp3 but to no avail! that one gave a more village feel..

anyways, internship has started! time really really flies man..i'm already done with 3 weeks of my internship! quite enjoying my dept's BAU..my colleagues are really really nice and friendly, often taking the initiative to ask me over to their desk so they can teach me stuff..i feel really lousy at times though, mainly due to my blur/absent-minded nature..always forgetting to complete a certain part of a task..and with our role as trade support hinging on catching all trade booking errors, we cannot afford to make mistakes ourselves! but i dunno why, everyday, i'll definitely miss out sth here and there..boo :(

the other interns..i think i mix better with the non-singaporeans..more approachable i feel..though this smu girl just joined us and she seems to like me a lot and is very friendly towards me! hahaha..she's my ny senior too! :) will be going to one of their houses to bake cookies today..to sell them for a fundraising project that the interns are involved in..i enjoy baking, though i wish the interns were more bonded..it'll make things so much more fun..now it's more of a task, an obligation..will see how later!!

rspid peeps watching movie later..really wanna join them! shall see if i'm able to leave slightly earlier!

went to celebrate ken's birthday with the guys on friday..was late so they already had dinner without me! hope you were happy and liked our present!! it was an eventful night cos i misplaced my wallet again!! argh how blur can i get!! made a dash to the cathay toilet before walking to somerset to take night rider (it was already almost 3a.m.) and i left my wallet on the ledge of the cubicle! only realised when i boarded my nightrider all the way at somerset!! immediately called ken..and i felt really really blessed that night..firstly cos an extremely kind soul actually went all the way to the police post to return my wallet (with everything intact)..in all the instances i lost my stuff, this is the first time i'm getting it back like that!! and secondly, for wonderful friends like ken, zq and joseph who walked back all the way to cathay just to help me find my wallet even though it was sooo late already..and kez who wanted to stay on but got chased off by ken! hehe..made me think that sometimes, seemingly bad things happen for a good reason :)

my new favourite singer

hehe i never thought i'd ever say this nor that i'd have a favourite singer, but i'm really starting to like zhang xin zhe! been listening to his songs every night..be it his emotions-filled voice, skillful singing or melancholic songs & lyrics, i'm enthralled by almost all his songs..

in the past i used to think he was on the girly side..he is probably not the most manly guy you can find, but i went to watch some of his interviews on those entertainment shows (hehe! feel like such a bimbo now!) and realised he's really a simple, down-to-earth guy who takes his singing seriously..and to think his first album was released in 1989!! so many years of experience behind him..

before this i only knew very few of his songs..guo huo, kuan rong, yi yi bu she, xin yang, bu yao dui ta shuo...all of which are very nice! then i've been exploring his other songs on youtube and realised he has so many other gems!! like now i've really started to like yong qing, cong kai shi dao xian zai, wo shi zhen de, zuo ni de nan ren! and so many more!!

hehe but he really has a good voice..and somehow his songs all manage to evoke much emotions in me..all of you should go listen! hehe

my tranquil afternoons

one and a half more weeks before my internship starts..kinda looking forward to it..wanna learn new things and do some constructive work!

feel kinda guilty for being so slack now..really feel like the sloth i read about in 'life of pi'..but at the same time i'm constantly reminding myself to cherish this period of time..that i can afford to really do things at my own pace..my own desire..without anyone to rush me! hehe

went back to ntu today..to collect sth and accompany zk, sh & jk for their medical checkup..i really think we're too free or sth! their checkup ended by around 11..and i brought them to s4 to use the comps to plan for their backpacking trip till almost 2!! my stomach was growling la! and we were all pushing the blame to each other for spending too long on sth at some point in time haha..we finally got down to eating lunch at can B..and decided to go JP after that..omg i've never spent so much time in courts in my whole life before, just looking at the various videos being screened on their numerous TVs!! the guys wanted to watch soccer, while i was attracted to the videos on pretty travel places, theme parks, beaches etc..really goes to show how free we were..passing time like that! as my cca meeting was only at 630, we decided to simply slack around at kfc..zk actually fell asleep (!) while sh started transferring songs to his phone..felt rather touched that they were all willing to simply wait around like that, till i had to leave for my meeting..we were all rather tired and bored of JP..none of us are the shopping sort haha..but yet i didn't feel any pressure from them for causing them to wait..it was all in all a very you1 xian2 afternoon! :)

hehe feel like i haven't blogged like this in a long time..simply recounting my day..again, goes to show how free i am now! hehe..okie essentially still have quite a bit of cca stuff to settle, but i still think i'm free!! since its the hols!

when i reached cck, i saw sth which made me feel really touched..it was a scene of a teenaged boy pushing another on a wheelchair out of the mrt gentry..what struck me was that the teenage boy himself was physically disabled too..and walked in a somewhat jerky manner..i was moved by how on top of how he chose to overcome his own disability, he also went on to take care of his peer (who seemed less able)..i really admired his strength, courage and kindness..i guess there's always something good we can learn from everyone :)

steph came to my house 2 days ago..really enjoyed just talking to you dear..always feel like i can tell you everything, cos you'd understand :) and my liowliow is so pretty that every photo i take of her is nice! hehe..i particularly like this one..find it very sweet! hehe

emotions are transient
but the actions caused by our emotions can have lasting effects
on one's memories, mindset..

i'm guilty of saying or doing things at the spur of the moment..
things i don't really mean to or want to..
shows how i'm someone who's led by my emotions..
which i know isn't healthy..

and somehow, i do agree with this quote,
that "sorrow makes us human"
it's when i'm sad that i feel more in touch with my emotions, my thoughts, and who i am

haha this sounds like such an emo post now..
but i'm just in a reflective mood..

28 april marked the end of my 2nd year in uni..
felt a litttle lost after exams..
(hehe i'm a mugger after all! my life revolves around school work hahaha)
celebrated pohpoh's 79th birthday..
initially i was still thinking of what i should get her, but in the end i didn't, because i realised that the best present pohpoh would want is for all her children and grandchildren to be present..seeing the family together would make her happiest! i remember how she watched kimberly and i grow up..nagging at us, scolding us almost everyday..now that both of us have grown up, and have become preoccupied with our own lives, activities and friends, our frequency of seeing her has been reduced drastically..pohpoh no longer scolds us, but welcomes us enthusiastically each time we visit..and that puts a smile on my face..


celebrated binbin's birthday in the middle of exams too..this is really one group of friends i'm truly thankful for..friends who don't judge me at all, in front of whom i can totally be myself..friends who make me feel that nothing much has changed in our lives at all..binbin was so cute that day, she had a CONSTANTLY RADIANT SMILE on her face all day! i felt so heartened that spending her birthday with us could make her so happy :)

and for sinnie, i'll pray that your lifelong dream will come true..i'm sure it will :) a kind soul will be blessed with good things in life :)

been feeling emo these days..sometimes i really wish nothing changed..

i really hope this hols will be a fulfilling one..with proj id and PA..i'm gonna stop procrastinating and do my europe scrapbook too! and i'm gonna finish watching planet earth..probably one of the most beautiful documentaries ever made..and not forgetting, meeting up with friends who matter to me :)