yesterday was my last day of work and i really do miss my colleagues a lot, even though i didnt especially enjoy working with a few of them..they were really really sweet...all sportingly posing for pictures with me even though they all dont like taking photos..they wanted to treat me to lunch too but another colleague pulled me off and later when i came back the group which wanted to treat me scolded me for running off! haha actually i didnt forget but of cos it'll be damn paiseh to walk up to them and ask, "eh so we're going for lunch together right?" cos all of our doctors haven finished running their clinics yet so none of us had left yet..and it'd be damn thick-skinned of me to ask them cos obviously they were gonna treat me!

in the end they bought me these two cute cups!

some pictures with my colleagues!

at the counter

with the nurses! the one on the left very pretty right! she's already a mother of 2!

with beelan and laychoo- they very cute la must purposely put on this serious look when they're taking pictures! they're not so glum in real life!

Auntie Lai!

hmm i really dont mind going back to work leh..the only reason why i stopped was cos i din wanna be a loser (haha im not referring to u yk! :p) and work my whole holidays away...but i think im a loser now cos i got nothing to do at home! and another reason was cos i wanted to cherish not having to wake up early in the mornings before school starts..but i think i already got so used to everything in the clinic..my colleagues, the environment..my job scope..i think i've become very proficient as a Patient Services Clerk oredy lor! hehe..

anyway..on to other things..my appeal was unsuccessful..i didnt actually have much hopes la..its just the feeling of being rejected and feeling that im lousy all over again..i've long known i'd be contented with accountancy..cos i'd have more freedom in my life which is quite important to me cos i wanna go on a lot a lot of holidays to all the nice and romantic and memorable places...but i think its natural to feel sad...but i'm sure i'll get over it by today la! haha think my daddy like checks the website every hour or something! cos i was rudely awakened on my first day of not working by my mummy who told me about the news my daddy told her haha..but im really touched by how much my parents love me and care about me..my future..i used to get irritated that they kept pushing me to do things i was not sure i really wanted..but now i know they do it cos they really love me and want the best for me..like how my daddy kept taking it upon himself to draft my appeal message of just 300 characters..and what particularly touched me was that his ability to express himself succinctly in writing is not very good yet he kept writing and writing draft after draft, which i didnt really use n the end cos i still have to write these kind of things by myself ultimately wad..ya i really really appreciate my parents a lot..and my mummy is a really great source of assurance and support..she is always able to make everything seem like its ok...

i guess, whatever my future will bring me, i'll just take things one step at a time..after all, i'm more than lucky to be blessed with all the nice people in my life..my parents, relatives (esp kimmie!) friends and zk...shall stop harping on what i did not achieve but be contented with what i already have!

and some pictures of social night! made some interesting discoveries.... (hope they dont kill me! haha)

ahem ahem (haha!)

hmm i'm really really thankful to have you in my life dear..thanks for being so sweet and tolerant towards all my stupid little tantrums..i dont need you to specially feel a certain way or do things you usually wont do for my sake, cos it'll not be you anymore and you're perfect the way you are already..even though at my 'young' age now, academic setbacks and all seem to be the most major setbacks, i know that whatever path i may take, everything will be fine eventually as long as i have you in my life..love you!

on a sidenote, you can see i'm really bored to have posted such a long entry..but nvm, time is in my hands! haha! must go write down a list of things to busy myself with oredy..all those unemployed souls! go out with me! haha...

i really do believe that time is the healer of all wounds..after a while, everything goes back to its usual routine and we soon forget what had made us so upset and it becomes impossible to imagine how we could get so upset or disappointed over that certain something..but of course, healing requires one to have a shift in his or her own perspective, in order not to wallow in self-pity or depression or indignance..but its true that there's nothing too big for us to overcome..such that once its over we no longer really recall it and it'll seem as though we haven been through any setbacks in our lives cos once we've gotten over something, we will not call it a setback anymore!

anyway, back to happy things, zk's sister is really very sweet!! she went to msia and she bought two tops for me! i'm just really touched cos i din think she'd remember me on a holiday..and i really like them..they're not something i'd buy myself (haha in fact i dont even buy clothes for myself! all my clothes are bought by my mummy...so i guess her taste naturally became mine haha :p)..but they're the type i'm shy to buy for myself but will feel excited to wear cos they're stuff i dont usually wear!

here's a pic of them :) :)

And our beautiful artwork! :)

my uncertain future...

argh i can't stand my indecisiveness! i thought i'd already decided on something but it seems like it's so easy to block off all those original thoughts and take on a whole new perspective! haiss..i dont have much time left to deliberate anymore..i wish i was living in decades ago and i'll be contented by just being a housewife! :s

i'm really irritated with myself..i never seem to be able to come up with a choice and stick to it..and i'm guilty that i get irritated with my daddy for constantly pressuring me into doing things..i just wanna think at my own pace!

hmm the macritchie incident made me consider environmental engineering all over again..its just this naive thought that nature is punishing us for our sins, for exploiting and destroying the Earth..and environmental engineering is the first step i can take to saving the Earth! hmm..but i think i'll get bored working in a lab setting..and studying for 5 yrs...sth i may not even like..haiss i really dunno!

anyway, some pics of us at the tree-top walk at macritchie! i think we walked at least 10km lor! it took us 5km alone just to GET TO the tree-top walk which only lasted 200-300m! but the view was nice la..very serene and simple..and later we walked damn far to get out and we were all drenched in the rain! they should really consider building more shelters along the way! very dangerous lor..we could hear the siren but we can't do anything but keep walking until we find the nearest shelter, which is still damn far away!

and daddy's birthday on wednesday! :)

yay im really happy now i've finally made up my mind! i'm so grateful for all the wise people around me who made me realise that the course which is more difficult to get into is not necessarily the better one for me..and after everything, i realised how naive i was to have applied for environmental engineering on impulse! i just though i would like it because i liked being in the environment/natural outdoors...but i didnt actually imagine myself enjoying constructing machines and gadgets to improve the way waste, water, gases etc are treated! haha...

and zk's sis lent me the 'cake mania' game to install in my comp! so excited! its something like diner dash but slightly easier and cuter and i'm really contented because i've been simply bored every night with nothing to do! there's nothing much to surf online and most of the time the people i chat to on msn are not online too! so i just rot the nights away..but now i got something simple but fun to occupy my time with muahahaha! ok i sound damn loser now..and his sis is really very cute and nice she bought chocolates for me too :D :D

went to a bar for the first time with yk, vips and mavis on fri..really enjoyed the company..i really hope our holiday plans do materialise! i hope to do sth memorable before i go back to school (which i'm quite excited about too cos i do miss studying! haha)...

as i was walking home today, i looked up and saw the lit-up living room of my home, and i never felt like wanting to reach home as soon as possible so much before..my home is really the place i feel safest in, protected from all negative aspects of the world outside..i felt more blessed than ever to step into a home with such wonderful and loving parents waiting for me to come back..

perhaps i'm really not as good as so many other people..but maybe its a blessing for me..because it made me realise that what i actually want in life is to be able to have a nice family to share a home with, to have time to meet up with friends often, and time to pursue my personal interests like craftwork, reading and cooking! I believe God has already created the right path for me..and He probably knew I wouldn't make a good doctor because of the high priority i place on family life (which i stupidly wrote about in my essay haha)..

i felt like a failure just yesterday..i guess its the natural disappointment of having to change my mindset all so suddenly..but im surprised that i recovered so fast..and strangely, i feel even more excited about my future now! with the knowing that i'll have more time on my hands...i realised that success is really what we define it to be..

and to everyone who was there for me (haha i sound like i've been through some major setback, but really, im ok la!), i really appreciate it!! its times like these when i see the beauty of friendship..and this feeling of being loved by those around me is much more precious than anything else in the world..

and congrats to all of you who got the courses you wanted!! :) :)

K-PAX

Ahh I’ve never felt so passionately about a book before! Or 3 books in this case..I MUST PROMOTE IT TO ALL OF YOU!!

It’s a trilogy actually..its K-PAX!! My language is really not good enough to convince all of you about how good the story actually is..(I was confused up till just now whether it was a true story or not but I just viewed the official movie website- IT’S BEEN MADE INTO A MOVIE IN 2001!!- and I’m quite convinced its not real la..haha) I feel like I’m doing some free-advert for the author or something..but reallyyy..all of you should go read it..

The titles of the books are:
K-PAX
K-PAX II: On a Beam of Light
K-PAX III: The Worlds of prot

Its available in some of the libraries..go borrow and read for yourselves ok!

I think it belongs to the Science fiction genre..but don’t worry its not actually sciency..if I can actually like it..it’s the most intriguing story I’ve ever read! Its full of suspense, hope and basically teaches us about life lessons in general..through a totally unexpected perspective..from someone who claims he’s from another planet called K-PAX, where everything is ideal..

For those of you who are not yet bored by my excessive rambling, this is briefly what the story is about! The narrator of the book is actually a psychatrist..and the entire book is basically describing the various mental patients at the mental institute, but mainly revolving around this patient called prot, who claims he’s from K-PAX..and the thing is, it seems almost believable! Because there is really no loophole in everything he describes about life on that planet..and he seems so damn credible because he is super knowledgeable and has this profound influence on the other patients, even helping to cure some of them whom the doctors all failed to cure! Each chapter is in the form of each session Dr. Brewer (narrator) has with prot (meant to be small letters, rhymes with goat)..and more and more is uncovered about the real personality of the patient, as prot undergoes hypnosis (which he can uncannily perform on his own!)..prot’s eyes have also been proven to be sensitive to UV light, a characteristics of insects only..

Aiya I’m like doing some book review homework..haha..but I genuinely wanna promote these books to everyone cos I feel they’re really good, and they teach us a lot of things..about humans and our selfishness..its quite a deep book..but easy to understand…

Must read for yourself to understand what I’m feeling now! Hehe..i read the first book last year..courtesy of zk..and I finished it in one day! And I thought that was all to it! Until I heard there was actually a TRILOGY!! And I went to search online and there really was!! I was damn ELATED la!! Then I immediately went to the National Library Board webbie and tracked down the locations of the books! Muahahah! I borrowed mine from Bishan lib, and I finished the remaining 2 books in 3 days! You really will just wanna read to the end of the book one..

Shall end off with some quotes from the book..

“…how does a secondary or other personalities differ from the primary one, and from the fully integrated human being? Are they completely different individuals? Or are certain things missing in the thoughts and feelings of the various alters, who are merely “parts” of a whole? Are we all simply a mix of different personalities which dominate our minds at different times? If so, which of these is responsible for our actions?”

“When you stop making killing seem admirable, when motherhood becomes less important than survival- not just your survival, but that of all the other creatures on your PLANET- you’ll be on your way to adulthood.”

“What kind of world is it where violence and war are not only accepted, but your youth are encouraged to practise them? Where your leaders must be constantly guarded against assassination, an airline travelers frisked for weapons? Where every vial of aspirin must be protected against poisoning? Where some of your beings make fortunes to play games while others are starving? Where no one believes a single word your governments or your corporations say? Where your stockbrokers and film stars are more valued than your teachers? Where the numbers of human beings increase and increase while other species are driven to extinction?..”

haha these are the more philosophical parts..but most part of the books is actually funny!
Ok la I shall end here! Hope I was convincing enough! :D

Been thinking of quite a few things lately..nothing big or significant though..had this thought quite a lot, especially as I’m walking to work with the crowd..i was wondering how amazing it is that human beings are just animals after all, but in a sense we’re so much smarter that the other animals..how we managed to manipulate our surroundings, our resources so effectively, to produce the art of language, of using words to communicate..and how we, an animal just like a dog, monkey or fish, created a whole new world of technology, from which our buildings and all other home appliances arised..it made me wonder if God really created human beings as a separate breed..a unique and special species capable of so many more things…of delving into philosophy, science, the arts…its just too specialized that we no longer view ourselves as ‘animals’ anymore..and it tends to lead me to the story of Animal Farm..i’m not really sure why too..perhaps its my whole apprehension towards religion (which I don’t wish to go into here because I don’t know very much about it) cos I can’t decide if humans are simply an evolution of apes into a much smarter species or really the offspring of Adam and Eve..

hmm..and other things like an uncertain future..but I guess I’m seeking comfort and assurance in the fact that no matter wad paths we may all take..it’ll eventually be the correct path…even if it may not seem the most ideal now, certain things that we may seem to lose now will be returned to us in other more meaningful ways...

I do get upset at work sometimes..its scary how even in a non-business-like setting, there can be ‘office politics’..how people backstab each other..how people take advantage of others..how ‘ungenuine’ some people can be..but I take comfort in the knowing that I’ll only be there for another month or so..its not that I dislike my job..i just feel like running away from everything sometimes when I get sick of how immature people can get! that there is no real friendship forged..just mere talk for the sake of taking part in conversations..and how some people think they have so much more authority than others just because they received more education..

I’ve learnt to ignore things that I shouldn’t get affected by..maybe its escapism..but as long as it doesn’t make me do or think silly things, I think its good! There’re certain things that may not be the most ideal…I used to think that as humans, anything that we can actually control is possible..but I guess we have to learn to let go of some things if dwelling on it will get us nowhere..

Haha my post sounds more pessimistic than anything..but of cos there’re happy thoughts too! Like how I feel glad that I have certain friendships..and my family..I really feel very blessed…

Really happy to have met up with 3m today….very glad that everyone’s still the same..the familiar feeling of sitting together at meals..and playing our only exciting sit-down game, mafia..cos we’re too uncreative to think of anything else! Hehe..oh and I’m intrigued by how specific songs remind me of specific periods in my life..such nostalgia..i’ve decided that it’s a sweet feeling after all! :) and I know why I like surfing the net for beautiful scenery pictures oredy..cos it gives me this same feeling of nostalgia..i know its weird cos it cant be nostalgia since I’ve never actually been to all those places before..but it’s the same feeling of knowing that I may never be able to get to that place (or that phase in my memory anymore)….

ah i'm filled with so much nostalgia now......i randomly decided to read a post titled 'apr expedition' on the now j2 odac yahoo groups and it basically showed the itinerary of their expedition..and it made me realised how much i miss odac!!! nostalgia is such a special feeling..till now i still cant decide if its a happy or sad feeling..you cant exactly define it properly..but you know its just nostalgia..i guess its happy cos you know you had nice memories so you miss those days..but sad cos we'll almost never be able to relive those days...hmmm so i now i make it a point to attend all odac gatherings..i really hope we'll have another batch expedition some time again..only now do i realise how sweet the whole odac affair is..the way everyone takes care of one another..and create unique and once-in-a-lifetime experiences together..i guess i really made the right choice in joining odac in jc! ahh i just hoped i was still j2...and involved in all these expeditions...i remember i used to be a bit apprehensive in the past, cos i was scared of what was to come, whether it'd be tough or not..but now when i look back, i just wanna go for all those expeditions again! i can say almost all of my memories in/of odac are beautiful ones, except for the beginning stage when i still had to try and make new friends first! haha...

went for dinner with vincent and yk today! :D haha SUPPOSEDLY their early birthday celebration..though it din seem any bit like a birthday la..but it felt nice meeting up of cos! and omg i dunno anyone as thickskinned as vincent!! yk and i just wanted to hide our faces and pretend not to know him! haha nvm i shant expose him and spoil his (not already good) reputation here..oh yes i can expose sth about him! haha he is DAMN AUNTIE he actually enjoys going to ikea to buy KITCHENWARE OMGGGG..den yk and i were joking that he can go and become a housewife oredy la! damn funny..

yayy this sat im going to play board games at boat quay wif my darlings!! haha though i dunno wad the place is called..but for once (haha ok maybe not once, but in a blue moon!) we're gonna do sth more exciting!! hahahaha..im really looking forward to it lor the place sounds very fun...

and tomorrow you're finally coming backkkkk!!! though its only for one day...haha..but its enough!! :) haiz but i got tuition so cannot go and pick you! :( haha i think im really getting more independent lor! im getting numb to not being able to talk to you much! maybe my work simply fills up all my time and by the time i go home i just feel like sleeping..if i got stamina i can watch tv perhaps..so i wont think of you! MUAHAHAHA! :p if not i'll have tuition..so i guess it all works out in the end..yay happpyyy!!! :D

oh ya i made an observation! haha i realised most male doctors are flabby and got du nan lor! issit really cos they're too busy to do any exercise?!?! so ironic right..when they advise patients to be healthy and exercise..hahaha..

hmm haha i just felt like writing though there's nothing particular weighing on my mind...

ah i just finished my first week at this new job! im working as a patient services clerk now..i enjoy it a lot leh! cos its purposeful and keeps me busy the whole day so i feel that im spending my time constructively! i basically help to register patients..quite glad they let me do it even though i just learnt it only..and they care a lot about me not doing anything wrong so they will spend time teaching me and entertain all my questions..hmm maybe next week they'll post me into the doctors' rooms to help since i've been at the counter the whole week..BUT all those who were inside told me if i had a choice i'd better stay at the counter..HAHA..for a good reason..

but yeah..i dunno wad's so tiring exactly about the job..but i go home EVERYDAY deadbeat and extremely sleepy..and even if i sleep for 7 hrs i still wake up the next morning damn sleepy, and hoping i din have to go to work..but at least i don dread my work so its a good motivation! though the 15 min walk each morning from the mrt to the clinic kinda puts me off! but oh well..its my ONLY exercise now..haha i almost totally gave up on exercise! im just too lazy! shit! even the 50 sit-ups i was supposed to do each day to get rid of my exponentially growing du nan..i gave up like after a week! even though i take at most over 1 min each time! out of 24 hours a day! ahh i need more discipline!

hmm other than that..i guess everyone's vexed over uni and scholarship apps..at least for those who still aren't sure what they wanna do..hmm i'm sure u'll make the right decision eventually..and fate will create the right path for you...i hope no one regrets their decision!

haiz i hate it when i have like over-exceeding expectations..it makes me petty and unreasonable and i regret it after a while..but thanks for being so super patient towards me dear...i was really touched when u waited so many hours for just like that..i should stop taking people for granted!

and to binbin!! dont be stressed oredy ok! everything will work out in the end one..

other than that, im really looking forward to our clique dinner this sun! haven seen u all altogether for so long! happyyy!! and liow! U BETTER BE TOUCHED BY MY HP POUCH LOR! I SPENT OVER AN HOUR SEWING! IM SO TEMPTED TO KEEP IT FOR MYSELF! hehe..U BETTER USE IT FOREVER! MUAHAHHAHAH

haha i really cant resist it! i find these pictures damn cute!! (you! dont kill me hor! :p)

BUT I DUNNO WAD HAPPENED AFTER THAT!!! HEHE! :P