a touching moment

just that day after swimming therapy ended and we were walking our trainees out to board the bus, i witnessed a moving scene that really touched my heart..as always, sherra's dad came to pick her..as we passed through the turnstile, he was there, patiently awaiting her arrival..when she reached, he immediately held her by the hand, every step of the way back to his vehicle, speaking to her constantly with genuine concern..he must have asked her how her day at the pool was..i was simply overwhelmed by that unassuming display of parental love..which reminded me of how much my parents love me and how i always never appreciate them enough..how daddy would always ask me how my day went and how i'd sometimes mind his constant asking of questions..when the only reason he asks so much is because he cares for me..

watching father and daughter leave hand-in-hand, tears simply welled up in my eyes..no matter how their children may grow up to be like, parental love is all-encompassing, noble and unconditional..

an aimless life

been thinking alot about my life lately..and the more i think, the more uncertain i am of what i'm doing in accountancy, and if auditing or finance is really what i want to take up as a career. at least for now, i can safely say that my interests lie elsewhere, and i really can't visualise enjoying myself in this competitive business world. nor do i have the interest to even find out more about wad's going on in the market, what the finance industry does etc..which struck me rather hard as i dont know if i'm just wasting my time studying something that's leading to a job i can't really identify with..

i still do wish very much that i had gotten into medicine then..i think this will be a regret i'll have for the rest of my life, unless i'm able to find a career that truly motivates me in just one and a half years..i don't know if it was fate then that things should be this way, or simply cos i'm just lousy at interviews in general..but i find this feeling of regret getting more and more intense rather than it fading away as time passes..if i were given another chance to make another application, would i be courageous enough to give up what i've learnt for 2 years? but at least its something i can see myself being happy doing..sigh..it's just this sinking feeling that's always there, that i sometimes choose to run away from because i know i will feel sad if i keep letting it sink in..

another interest i had was to join precious moments as a designer, but after much effort trying to find out more about the job options it offered, i realised that firstly, it recruits only in the U.S and secondly, i don't think they have a group of designers, but only one designer, Sam Butcher, who invented all these teardrop-eyed characters in the first place! i obviously overestimated myself! haha..i just find the world that these characters portray very beautiful..simple, pretty and filled with goodness..who doesn't agree that precious moments stuff are just so captivating? but anyway, so much for my endeavour to work there and be part of this beautiful creation..

in the process of looking through their website, i found this super cool video of how a figurine is created, from the design stage right till the sculpting and painting stage! i feel so inspired...

here's the link!
http://www.preciousmoments.com/content.cfm/how_pm_made

haha not sure if anyone will go open it to see, but it's just so much talent there! i wish i had such abilities..

another option i was considering was to set up a bakery of some sort..again, i don't like the business side of it..ahh i really dont know wad i'm doing in this course!

i must not fall asleep so easily!

i'm back! realised i haven't blogged for rather long..this sem seems to have passed super fast..i'm already more than halfway through it, and it still feels like i just started school! not really sure what that implies..

glad this school week is finally over..you could say its possibly the most stressful week (apart from exams) of this semester..and i really felt like i needed a breather..each and every commitment seemed equally important, but i just really had no time to accomplish all of them, and with a standard i could be proud of..or perhaps, i just did not have enough motivation to keep awake..i just keep falling asleep! i can really conclude that sleeping is my greatest vice right now! i really don't know how my friends could admire me in the past for being able to survive on very little sleep...it seems totally impossible now! just abit of work makes me wanna sleep already..hais..but yea back to my point, i'm a little disappointed with myself for not being to juggle my various commitments well..and i guess i compromised most on my projects..i'm really lucky i have fabulous project mates this sem who are very understanding..but i still feel very bad i'm not able to do as much as i would like to, or would if i were in a less tied up situation..

i need a break!

recess week was hardly even a break for me..ironically it was more stressful than the usual school weeks..guess cos i knew i had alot of tests and projects due the week after and so i was more stressed plus more than half the week was dedicated to rspid stuff..i just wanted some time to myself!!

haha this post is sounding so whiney but i dont care!

i think i'm getting the hang of planning and running sessions, but i still feel really inexperienced..lotsa things i do not yet know (& perhaps i never will) and really loads to learn! but i guess it's a good learning experience..and i hope that one year from now i can look back and feel happy with what i've done..really glad for all my fellow volunteers in rspid..think they're all really nice and sincere people..which is one of the reasons that draws me back to our sessions week after week! :)

my friends who're studying in UK have flew back already..feel that i didn't meet up with them as much as i'd like to..feel kinda angry with myself..for not making the effort to really catch up with all of them..hmm..but at least i saw them at least once each! :) to ang chieh, vips and huahua, take good care of urself back there k! and to mavis! i dont know if you still read my blog, but i'm looking forward to your return in november!! hang in there for your exams!!

k la im getting sleepy will update again another time!

cherish

i realized there's no point trying too hard..if its meant to be, it will be..all the one-sided greetings..i should have known better, earlier..if you're not wanted around, it will show..what's the point of putting aside my pride then, for something that i have in reality little control over..maybe i'm thinking too much..but it's painful when you start speculating, hope that it's not the truth, but later find out it actually is..you start to understand so well that ignorance is really bliss..what happened to friendship that was supposed to be simple, all-encompassing and gracious? hope in uncertainty gives one strength, but more often than not, it leads to even more disappointment than if one did not hope at all..should i still hope for anything, then?

i have always, during times of adversity, be brought back to the simple truth that the people i can run to for faith, for assurance are just right in front of me. my parents..i hate myself for never appreciating them enough..will i ever be able to love as unconditionally as them? no matter what happens, they're always there for me..making me feel that everything will be alright..for as long as i stay within their protective arms..how daddy, above anyone else, will do whatever he can to stand up for my rights..even if it seems that nobody else cares..i felt so safe, so secure to leave everything in his hands..and mummy, always taking care of every little detail of my life..makes me feel that nothing can be too difficult for me to handle, as long as they're around..

and for you dear, for simply being the best boyfriend in the world..more than i could ever ask for..always so understanding to accomodate my schedule..trying your best to find me whenever i am sad..no matter how inconvenient it is for you..like my parents, you make me feel so secure just knowing i have you in my life..thank you for loving me..

i must must stop being so caught up with my own life, and really start to cherish the people who mean so much to me..i always want to share my innermost thoughts with my parents..but somehow, the desire to appear strong in front of them always becomes an obstacle to my doing so..sigh..

i will press on!

a genuine display of love

on my way home today, i witnessed a simple but moving act of love. it was raining the whole day and i was just hoping to reach home as soon as possible and seek shelter from the rain. as i was walking up the stairs, a couple was walking down. what caught my attention immediately was that the guy, who was holding the umbrella, was only half-sheltered by it. it seemed so natural for him to want to keep his partner dry. and they didn't seem like those lovey-dovey couples still in the honeymoon period, in which the guy would sometimes try too hard to impress the girl. rather, his noble act was one that he didn't have the intention of letting his girl know, simply walking down together in a perfectly normal, mundane manner older couples do.

this is what true love is about i guess, having no qualms about putting the ones you love before yourself. <3

nostalgia

i was sorting and looking through my jc texts while clearing my room and sigh, was hardly hit by nostalgia all over again..from the most unexpected source! my chem s and physics s tys..just flipping through the pages, looking at the notes i diligently but blindly jotted down during the lectures..i actually miss the whole feeling of staying back after school and attending these lectures during which i'm almost always lost and unprepared for..then, i'd always feel tempted to skip them, sometimes filling our time before the lectures by playing cards..at times there'll be others in the class doing their homework too..all these may not seem extraodinary or out of the mundane, but somehow the memory is just so impactful..perhaps its the reliving the feeling of spending time so freely with my friends..like yk, yh, mavis...being together for the purpose of passing time..something almost impossible now, with everyone having their own busy lives to handle..meeting up is already a blessing..

i really really miss those days..

and the recent influx of odacians posting past odac photos on facebook simply resulted in all my odac memories rushing back to me..and again, it was just too overwhelming..the feeling of wanting to experience all of it all over again..is that nostalgia? from our expeditions, taking long bus journeys together, sleeping in tents together, kayaking & sports climbing together..to our PT sessions in school, dinners after sessions..i just miss EVERYTHING! argh..

recently, it feels as though alot happened in my life..i guess its mainly cos of rspid recruitment..but when responsibility has been thrust onto your shoulders when you're hardly prepared for it, you're just forced to grow up and rise up to the occasion..i still don't feel confident of being decisive and rational, and i feel demoralized by that..i'll learn i guess..but i'm still really really glad i have the rest of the RSPID family to rely on..i feel blessed to have known this genuine and kind-hearted group of people...i'll never regret joining rspid..even if it has greatly compromised on my time to do other things..seeing the little adorable antics of our trainees week after week is just enough to make my week! :)

on a separate note, how much should one give to a friendship? when it hurts you over and over again, what should you do? is nonchalance really the best way out? but it's not so easy to remain nonchalant in the first place..did it really have to be this way? i don't know..what else can i do anyway?

i shall be random here and post a picture of my beloved rainbow and sunshine for all of you who miss them! hehe

"Don 't hurry. Don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So don't forget to stop and smell the flowers along the way."

-Walter Hagen

sigh if i didn't take up that stupid job my life would be so much happier and stress-free now! its really very emotionally- and mentally-tolling!! argh..i hate them!!! can't wait to break off all forms of contact with them!!

i feel worried EVERY SINGE DAY and the feeling sucks!! i cant focus on wad i'm supposed to do properly..like rspid and the upcoming project id which is in like 4 days only!!

oh ya all of my friends, please come down to support k! this sunday, 20th july, junction 8 open plaza..support the intellectually disabled!! :)

warghh i should practise yoga or sth to calm my shaken nerves.. -meditates-

on a happier note, i'm meeting my best friends for dinner tonight!! that always makes me feel better, safe, and assured that everything will be alright ultimately.. :)

the friends we keep

i'm reading this book called 'the friends we keep' by holly chamberlin and i realised i really enjoy such books..revolving around friendship and a little of love too..somehow i just got glued to it since the first page, and this hardly happens to me when it comes to books..i usually need a little determination and perseverance to get past the first few pages especially if i got other stuff to do..

i feel this book's very similar to another book i read, and loved, 'between friends' by debbie macomber..it revolved around 2 childhood friends, who grew up and never lost their habbit of writing letters to each other even as they grew old, got married etc..likewise 'the friends we keep' revolves around 3 college friends who grew up, lost contact, and regained contact again after twenty years..and the entire book is presented in a diary format, with each character's alternating diary entries taking up subsequent chapters..

i like the way both books delved into the fine, intricate feelings and thoughts by very ordinary people, making it very easy to relate to what the characters are feeling and why they act the way they do..

haha anyway, the point of this blog entry is to share 3 quotes i came across so far while reading the book, which i feel are very wise! they present facts so obvious which make me ashamed that i didn't realise them earlier..so here goes!

"Apologies arise when there's a sense of accountability. To say, "I'm sorry" to someone--for a deed more significant than an accidental bump on the elbow--implies that there's been some significant interaction. It implies that you reconize a relationship and respect it An apology arises from a social contract; a rule has been broken and an apology is an attempt to fix it. It's also an act of recommitment to the relationship"

"The truest words ever spoken: Youth is wasted on the young" (this is the quote which particularly had a deep impact on me..coming from the adult character's point of view, i can so easily relate to it cos i can somewhat understand where she's coming from..we just dont know how to cherish a certain stage of our life until its over..but i still do think im a youth myself right? but even as i reflect on this, i'm not sure how else i am supposed to live my life to not 'waste' this youth..i guess the only way to evaluate this is after we've passed our youth, when we'll then start to feel regret for not having done this or that? but right now, we'll never know what we'll regret we never have done..and by the time we realize, it'll almost always be too late..that's the harshness of life i guess)

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."


yup that's it for now! just some food for thought..

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”