life is beautiful

i've become the biggest procrastinator in the world. somehow i've lost the motivation to work hard and push myself, for anything..have i run out of stamina?

it's sad how humans like to focus and brood on their problems out of self-centredness and fail to realise that being alive every day is the greatest blessing of all..i'm so guilty of that myself..while i was in europe i did enjoy myself of course, but when the walking got a bit too much, or when the weather got too cold, i'd wish i was sitting and resting in some warm place indoors..but when i think back now, i miss walking in the cold, i miss every single scenery and moment i spent like that with my family..and so much wanna turn back time, and indulge in those moments a little longer, a little deeper. but even though i realise these things now, the next time i go on a holiday or enjoy anything else that is a luxury, i know i will never be able to appreciate that future moment to the fullest..its just human nature to always see the less positive aspects of things, even as we know we are surrounded by so much more good at the same time..the saying that one never realises the value of something until its gone is cliche but so true..i love my family :)

saw something which disturbed me a little, but i guess i've grown to become a little less immature and emotional, and have learnt to take things in my stride..glad i recovered so quickly :)

'pastel reflections' playing in the background is making me all pensive now hmm

i miss some people alot

glad i have some people around me

which leads me to wanna share about my beloved soo pei! first she kindly accompanied me to the lot 1 ntuc to get some stuff..and then she did something super sweet which made me super touched :) her bus had just arrived while we were walking towards our respective berths at the bus interchange..at the same time, there was a bus at my berth, but we couldn't see what number it was cos it was further away..so soopei boarded her 190 first while i walked towards that bus, only to realise it was my bus after it was driving off! i didn't rush to check wad my bus was cos short-sighted soo pei told me it was another bus (hehe)..so later i called her to tell her it was my bus after all! haha..just out of exasperation for missing my bus..i started to take out my article to read when suddenly i felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a 'boo!'..my sweet soopei had actually alighted from her bus after one stop and walked back just to pei me to wait for my bus!! such a silly girl right!! but its just like soopei to put others before herself :) i think if i were a guy i'll like her! hehehe

even though we may lose some things as we all get older, we gain others along the way :)

i wanted to share a nice moment i experienced on the bus the other day..basically my mummy had asked me to buy some groceries..and given the messy me, i just had so many things in my hands, held haphazardly as i boarded the bus, in a bid to rush onto my long awaited 178 without leaving anything behind..and given the lazy me, i didn't file my notes into separate folders but simply stacked them beneath the cover of my file..as i got to my seat, while i attempted to look into my ntuc bag to ensure my bread wasn't crushes by the cans of condensed milk, MY WHOLE STACK OF (UNSTAPLED) NOTES SLIPPED OUT OF MY FILE AND SPILLED ALL OVER THE FLOOR! i was so argh cos i was irritated with all the nonsense in my hands and paiseh cos the surface area my notes covered was so huge! haha..(i sound so drama!) but anyway, what made my day was really the helpfulness of everyone around..two middle-aged guys immediately bent down to gather my notes and passed it to me after that, while the lady on the seat beside mine (whom i thought looked unfriendly at first) helped to hold on to my stuff on the seat to prevent them from falling off..what started off as an embarrassing moment turned out to be one which made me see the goodness in people, however small their acts of kindness might have been :)

on a sadder note, i feel this ache in my heart whenever i see this old man on his wheelchair at the swimming pool downstairs..he's not exactly old i think, at least he doesn't look so..my guess would be 60 plus? but he looks like he had a stroke, but he looks aware of what's happening around him, but resigned to this fate of not being able to move about on his own..his maid brings him down to the poolside everyday (which is good cos he's not cooped up at home) but she simply leaves him there to sit while she chats with other maids..and i feel indignant about it! i know i have no right to cos i'm not doing anything for the old man myself and i'm not aware of wadever family arrangements they had as to how to take care of him, but i just feel sorry for him..he sits with his head drooped down, probably out of tiredness, and somewhat facing his maid who's nonchalantly in conversations with other people..i wonder what he must be feeling..does he feel helpless? miserable that the only way he spends his day is to sit on the wheelchair like this? i once saw him practise using the walker..which heartened me..cos he could walk! and i felt hopeful for him..but ever since, i never saw him using it again..i wish his maid could bring him for more of such therapeutic walks..

and on another separate, but happier note:

finally met up with steph! together with kwa..it's been a really long time since the three of us got together like that..and it was heartwarming for me..our paths may now be rather different, each of us in different schools, but being together still gave me that sense of familiarity and security..that we could just be ourselves once again..that transported me back to those days where we'll store all our heavy textbooks in those A4 boxes under our tables we'd get from the photocopying room (not cos we were muggers like everyone else thought but cos we were lazy to carry those books to and fro!), where we called ourselves the powerpuff girls (haha! omg), where we (ok maybe only liow and me as kwa would furiously deny) collected our apple-aloe vera juice bottles in the drawer at the back of the classroom (to the wrath of yanzhen who was on 'cleaning drawers' duty those weeks and found a trail of ants leading to our bottles hehe!), where we did leg raisers to train our (almost non-existent, except for superwoman kwa) abs during lessons, where we kept talking and making so much noise that anna fu scolded us (yes, the us which comprised her favourite student, kwa!)..where we forged deep friendships i hold dearly till this day..i love these two people!

to end off, here's a question i've been pondering about- how do bus drivers get to work, if they don't stay within walking distance to an mrt, or if the bus interchange is not beside an mrt? or for that matter, how do mrt drivers get to work? who's there to drive the very first buses?

hehe pardon my randomness :p

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :)

it's a new year once again

it's the beginning of yet another year, a good time to give oneself the opportunity, or excuse, to start things on a clean slate, hopefully..forget about all the bad memories, let go of any grudges, forgive those who've hurt us, and most of all, seek to be a better person!

that's what i seek to do each time, but somehow, i still end the year with quite a number of regrets..mostly about how i could be a better person and to deal with issues more maturely..and also about how i always am too caught up with my own life and never seem to be able to properly cherish the people who mean the most to me..

so, i will try harder this time, and hopefully, end the year with no (or less) regrets! :) i wish for broken friendships to be mended, current friendships to be maintained or even made stronger..but i guess i still can't impose my expectations onto every friendship that i have, cos it makes me an angry and calculative person..i'm gonna make the effort to have better control over my emotions, and to be a more gracious person, to forgive and forget, to put unhappy memories behind me and to never brood on them again..

i'm still glad for the true friends that i have now, however few they may be..i realised that many people, after all, are but passing footprints in our lives, whose lives are unlikely to intersect with mine again after circumstances don't hold us together anymore..but i guess that's something we all have to accept..what's most important is that i don't let those who really matter to me gradually slip out of my life! :)

had a wonderful time in europe, made beautiful by the presence of my loved ones..i wanna earn more money in future to take my parents on holidays to places they've never been to before! hope i'm blessed with the chance to.. :)

have a meaningful 2009, everyone! :)

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY YANZHEN!

here's to our friendship of 6 years and counting! :) we may have had ups & downs along the way, but this friendship is something i really cherish & hold close to my heart!

i went to JE lib today and managed to find the prequel to 'Just Beyond the Clouds'! :) looking forward to reading it!

hmm and i feel demoralized by driving..feel lousy at it!! i feel like i keep deproving with each lesson..forgetting how to do stuff that i could do few lessons back..my parents keep chasing me to apply for a test date but i feel so lousy how will i ever be prepared to take the test!

and i cant help but feel disappointed with some people..nvm..must learn to forgive and forget!

just beyond the clouds

i just finished reading this book by karen kingsbury, titled "Just Beyond the Clouds", and i really enjoyed my read! :)

it revolves around 2 adults with Down Syndrome, Daisy and Carl Junior- whose genuine and innocent love and care for each other makes relationships seem so simple and real- and their older siblings, Elle & Cody who eventually fall in love too..the whole story is just very sweet..Elle is a teacher in a school which gears its students with Down Syndrome up for independent living, where each of them has a Goal Day, something which gives their lives meaning and something to look forward to..Cody initially struggles against the idea as he believes that his brother CJ should be safely at home, taken care of by his family, given his medical problems..he felt that the school was just instilling impossible ideas in his brother's mind as he would never be able to take care of himself..but he slowly grows to realise that all the "life skills" Elle has been teaching were having tremendously positive effects on the students there..

I could identify with some of the life skills they tried to impart to the students cos we seek to achieve them during sessions too..but i guess the book probably catered to more high-functioning students and thus not all the ideas are applicable..but some of the skills the students mastered were memorizing bus routes, baking & cooking (where different students were in charge of bringing different ingredients), shopping within a budget, cleaning up, reading & writing, speaking at appropriate volumes, crossing the road safely, table manners, making choices between alternatives, recognizing feelings and talking about them, dancing, maintaining a healthy diet, exercising and as this book is written by a staunch christian, prayer was one of the most important skills emphasized.

each Friday Elle would bring her students on field trips, something they very much looked forward to, just like our trainees in RSPID! :) it's so sweet how CJ always tries to protect Daisy when it rains because she's afraid she would melt, just like the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz..he would tell her that "there is sunshine..just beyond the clouds"..which i felt was really heartwarming :)

other than that, there is of course the love that blossoms between Elle & Cody, both of whom have experienced life-turning events causing them to not want to love again..i highly recommend this book! :)

lastly, may i quote these phrases from the book, which touched me particularly:

"A mother know she's done a great job when she has an empty nest and a full heart"

"Down Syndrome is nothing more than a layer of clouds, really. Clouds that cover up a very bright sunshine." (and hence the title & theme of the book!)

the transformers

i watched the transformers on tv yesterday in full for the first time, and it was simply heartbreaking yet touching at the same time..they told the story of a 75 year-old man, who is still slogging his life away as a karang guni to support his family of 3 kids and a wife, all of whom do not work at all..notably, his kids have all grown up, but they are not just not independent to support even themselves, much less their parents, who should be enjoying their old age by now..his youngest two daughters jumped to their deaths, which could possibly be the reason why the other children are not mentally stable today, having been traumatized by the tragedies in their family. when the hosts visited his apartment, there was hardly any space to walk at all! it was filled, almost to the ceiling, with decades of items, junks, and other stuff he repaired, collected through his work as a karang guni..

yet, despite all the sadness that loomed over the family (he even prepared casket photos of both his wife & himself already), he could still face life with such optimism and willpower..i really admire his strength..it was heartwrenching to see an old man like him shed tears as he related his life story to the hosts..it was touching to see his home, which originally looked like a junkyard simply unsuitable for inhabitance, transformed into one which now boasted of beds, a luxury almost all of us take for granted..it lifted my heart to see him smiling from ear to ear, after finally being able to see 'walls' in his house, and having his items converted into cash...

the show reached out to me constantly, and i'm sure other viewers as well, to really cherish what we have..the old man said that they occasionally would chi hao de, which was to packet food with a few dishes costing $2..and they didn't cook because gas is expensive..what a difference it would make if the richer people of this society would just share a tiny bit of their wealth with the less well-to-do..

hmm..and i realised when some things are gone, they are gone forever..no matter how hard i try, it is not for me, a single person, to change anything..and perhaps this is just how it's meant to be..living in separate worlds, with occasional overlaps in our lives..

capturing beautiful moments :)

i like how the sun's rays can create a sky boasting a palette full of colours, and how the clouds join in the merriment to bring beautiful sights, one after another, to our eyes..



each time when it is nearing sunset and i get the chance to witness just a slightly orange sky, i'd always stop in my tracks to admire it just for a few moments more..to capture that soothing picture in my memory, and to appreciate how beautiful nature can be..whenever i'm on the train and the vast sky outside, together with the setting sun, cast a golden light over the land, i just can't help but wish i could run to the edge of the island, with no buildings to obstruct my view, just to keep snapping pictures of the wondrous sky!



i like how the sky always seems darker towards the top, with a gentle gradient bringing it to a lighter shade where it touches the land..how clouds glow along their silver linings..how they turn orange, red and pink when the sun sets..a simple blue sky with white clouds or one common to the break of day, with its blue and orange streaks, makes me feel blessed to be alive somehow! i always wish i was a better artist, able to paint what i see, but i know i can never reproduce such stunning gradients that only Mother Nature is capable of!



and i'm very happy that i got my new camera! i feel really excited that i can better capture all these wonderful scenery around me..here are the first few photos i took with it! :)

also, exams are finally over! yet again, a semester has gone by just like this..i don't really want uni to be over so fast..i think its one of the last moments i still feel sheltered, guided along..and youthful! so i must cherish these moments as best as i can!

random thoughts

i went over to my grandma's house the other day..which make me think about how noble domestic workers, or maids, actually are..each of them made a big sacrifice in coming to singapore, to take up the role of usually the sole breadwinner of the family, to enable those back home to lead a better life, in turn having to leave all their loved ones behind..and having to face all the uncertainy that lies ahead of them bravely- the kindness of the family which they'll live with, having to adapt to a whole new lifestyle and most of all, deal with all the loneliness of being abroad alone..and this makes me sympathize with them, and respect them at the same time..and i therefore cannot understand how some people can treat their maids so rudely..expecting these domestic workers to be at their beck-and-call, and every slight mistake made is treated as an inexcusable error, which simply reduces these poor workers, also human beings with feelings just like us, into slaves! i don't think poverty should be a cause for anyone to stand over anyone else, or assume he is of a higher class and therefore in a commanding position. yes, i know that maids are paid to work for their employers in a way, but i thought they're just supposed to be helpers, not servants? simple acts of pouring a glass of water can't be too difficult to be performed by oneself, isn't it? haha nothing happened that made me write all these la..just that i've been having this feeling through the years and finally remembered to voice it!

the trip to pohpoh's hse also made me realise how much i miss laddieboy and how i wish i could still hug him now... :( remember how we used to play hide-and-seek and catching together whenever i came back home to pohpoh's house in primary school..

on to other stuff, i'm REALLY stressed!! had my FINAL lesson of the sem today, but somehow, i don't feel a sense of release, because exams are sooo close and i'm so unprepared! i must really learn to study smart and stop trying to waste time memorizing everything! and most of all, i MUST STAY FOCUSED!

jiayou everyone!! :) the holidays will be here soon!!

a touching moment

just that day after swimming therapy ended and we were walking our trainees out to board the bus, i witnessed a moving scene that really touched my heart..as always, sherra's dad came to pick her..as we passed through the turnstile, he was there, patiently awaiting her arrival..when she reached, he immediately held her by the hand, every step of the way back to his vehicle, speaking to her constantly with genuine concern..he must have asked her how her day at the pool was..i was simply overwhelmed by that unassuming display of parental love..which reminded me of how much my parents love me and how i always never appreciate them enough..how daddy would always ask me how my day went and how i'd sometimes mind his constant asking of questions..when the only reason he asks so much is because he cares for me..

watching father and daughter leave hand-in-hand, tears simply welled up in my eyes..no matter how their children may grow up to be like, parental love is all-encompassing, noble and unconditional..