change

I used to be someone who never really believed in losing friendships. the thought of all the good times spent together always made me feel that I should try hard to preserve their continuity indefinitely into the future. But people change, values change, priorities change. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one left behind as everyone moves on with their lives, still hoping things would always stay the way they used to be. But this is a painful thought, and I think it's easier to let certain things go.

Everyone is connected to a few social webs of friendships at once; I wonder how strong the links to my existing ones are, and if I'm already starting to fall off some of them.

pursuing an interest

So I've finally gotten down to learning painting proper; started on watercolour classes with my dearest sinnie, under an extremely talented artist and patient teacher, Seah Kam Chuan (found him through Google)!

In our first lesson, we learnt how to blend different tones together (through painting the sky) and use a waxing technique to create simple but original designs that can be used for cards!

Our second lesson was spent drawing cherries, which was also focused on getting the right tones. We learnt that an object needs at least 5 tones to bring out its shape and three-dimensionality. We also got familiar with the use of musking, which serves to selectively waterproof a precise section of your canvass so that you can paint a smooth background over and around this object.

Decided to spend yesterday practising my drawing and painting..realized it's been a long while since I last let myself immerse in this other world. I have been lazy to create handmade cards or other handicrafts from scratch these days..drawing is such a nostalgic activity for me; it reminded me of my childhood days where I used to draw and colour almost every day. I hope it's not too late to pick up this skill now. I think the biggest difference between the young me and the current me is the originality in my art work. I was so eager and motivated then to draw images from my imagination..now I usually settle for copying a design that I like and find manageable enough. I feel that I have lost my sense of innovation and creativity as a child. I hope that soon, I'll be brave enough to paint original scenes and not be afraid to make many mistakes before I get my perfect picture.

Anyhow, here is my little attempt at drawing Bambi!

before applying an outline

after outlining with a thin brush..i kind of prefer the one without, it has a more vintage feel to it!

just a little intro on my new blog skin: background photo taken (ironically) at a fish farm in stratford-upon-avon, UK; header photo is a silhouette of the mountains & me watching the sunset in lamington national park, gold coast (taken by zk)!

wisdom

Let none find fault with others; let none see the omissions and commissions of others. But let one see one’s own acts, done and undone. – The Buddha.

next on my to-handmake list:

the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society

what i originally thought was a book of alternative genre (credits to its unusual name) turned out to be one of best reads I've had in a while.

it was a while that i looked forward to long bus journeys even after a tired day at work, and a while that i jumped onto my bed, in office wear and hands unwashed after stroking the condo cat, and read ferociously for 2 and a half hours straight. i finished the book and went without dinner!

the story is based in the channel islands in 1945, just after the end of the German occupation. the entire book is written in the form of letters exchanges between the main characters, and depict so realistically human emotions of empathy, light-headedness with an overarching nonchalant dignity associated with a love interest, bravery amidst suffering in wartimes, sarcasm, humor, unconditional giving by people who have suffered, friendship and love.

most of all, it reminded me of how beautiful communication becomes when it takes place through letters. with the technology we have nowadays, why would one write lengthy, entertaining letters to update another on his life? less is the need to string beautiful chains of words, and gone is the true meaning of keeping in touch- satisfying a genuine interest in the life of another.

communication these days seem more an activity to pass time on the train, to coordinate schedules of a group of people, elevated chatter that never delve deeper. we just don't give ourselves the luxury of time to think more pensive thoughts and pen them down, ink to paper.

I think that beautifully phrased thoughts make one think of the world as a more beautiful place, and thus one a kinder and more appreciative soul.

i was also saddened, trying to lap up every morsel of information in the book after finishing the story, when I read that the author had passed on (at an age of 74) and this was the only novel she'd written..I wish she wrote more!

and a pity we don't write letters anymore.

a new start

discovered the blogger app on the itunes store! hopefully being able to blog on-the-go will reignite my desire to write, since i usually forget most of my passing thoughts by the time i get home/somewhere convenient to pen them down.

with that i hope to start thinking a little more, and wandering a little less.

约定

haha i haven't blogged in ages, i wonder if anyone still bothers to visit this abandoned space. -blows dust-



got introduced to this song recently by zk. well, i've heard of it before, but it's the kind of song which you find familiar and can hum along to, but never really knew its singer, title or lyrics. it drove me to write this post because it got me all pensive again. i must say it's been a while since i last really immersed in my thoughts and got in touch with my emotions; it's a really heartwarming feeling..

these days, i get a little too caught up with the present. i'm not the kind who worries incessantly about the future or finds faults with the present, but i used to reminisce so much more than i do today (if i even do at all). reminiscing makes me feel human all over again because it paints a new coat of colours to faded, dumbed-down memories, invokes emotions into me, and reminds me of the life-embracing person i once was. it makes me recall how simple life was before and could still be now, how my emotions were so easily brought to a high by the smallest of events- knee-knocking trick i used to play on my friends in ny, chapteh in jc, an sms from zk back in jc...i don't know if it's true for others, but reminiscing makes all troubles in the present seem all the more trivial, because when you look back, you probably only recall the sweet and positive memories 90% of the time.

i must admit my emotions have been as lifeless as a graveyard in recent years- never too happy, or never too sad (apart from when i argue with zk). if i were to find a reason for this change, i would think it's just a way of protecting myself; while i am probably less inclined to feeling hurt or disappointed, i don't get truly, deeply happy too...

is it a worthwhile trade-off?

i think the fact that i haven't been blogging shows how much i've been really thinking, not academically or intellectually as i strive to improve myself at my job, but spiritually. it's not that i've been lazy, i just had NOTHING to write about; no new ideas, reflections, thoughts, emotions, inspiration, happenings..many a time i attempt to start a blog entry just to get the creative juices flowing, but i give up after a sentence or two. i think i'm not opening my heart enough to experience what there is to life...in the past when i first started this blog in jc and basically rambled on about how happy i was to meet up with my friends, how guilty i was for not mugging, it seems so trivial and childish looking back now, but i miss how my emotions were driven by such simple events. is this all part of growing up?

anyway, back to the point of why i wanted to share this song. i think i haven't heard a song like this in a while- so heartfelt and genuine. its lyrics depict an idealistic way of love, but which is so simple and achievable. i can't explain why it caused me to start reminiscing on past events again, but it did make me feel somewhat sad too. do i have this love so succinctly espoused in this song? is this love even possible if i'm the only one feeling excited about and looking forward to a future together?

i'm worried, my boyfriend either has amnesia or creates untrue memories

deborah says:
kk
did u notice ur new profile pic?
SOH says:
haha
ya
actually i chose it randomly, it was a picture from vienna
deborah says:
DEAR!
STOP LYING!
SOH says:
quite cute one the trees have leaves that form into balls!
dear it's true!!
deborah says:
dear
I WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED UR DP
WHEN U WERE NOT IN UR ROOM!
SOH says:
huhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i chose itttttttttttttttttttt
deborah says:
NO!
SOH says:
msn??
deborah says:
YES!
SOH says:
OMG dear no!!!!
i chose ittttttttttttttttt
deborah says:
YESSSSS
DEAR
U ARE LYING THRU UR TEETH!
SOH says:
REALLY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
deborah says:
YESSSSSSSSSSS
DEAR
SOH says:
I REMEMBER CHOOSING IT!!!!!!!!!1
deborah says:
NO!
I REALLY CHOSE IT
I WANTED TO CHANGE UR DP
BEFORE THIS I FORGOT WAD IT WAS
THEN I BROWSED THRU UR PHOTOS ON UR COMP
WHICH IS LIMITED ANYWAY
THEN I SAW THIS COULD POTENTIALLY BE A GOOD PROFILE PIC
SO I CHOSE IT!
SOH says:
HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
omg
i have a serious problem
i really have this recollection that I was the one who chose it
deborah says:
omgggggg
SOH says:
this is weird

a hidden heart

It's times like these I really wish you were here beside me to give me a hug and make me feel nothing can be too bad for me to handle with you around.