look who's uglier!

hehe was playing with this photowarp application in zk's old sony ericsson phone a few months back, when i was too bored while studying for exams! hehe i know we look UGLY but shall just post these unglam photos up for humour's sake :p

wide smile

upnose


twister

square

small nose

professor

large face

large (i dunno why this name)

grit

gobbler (boomer!)

big nose

alien

hehe the silly things we all do when we're stressed!

will you grow old with me?

hehe it's supposedly our 4th anniversary tmr, but i don't feel excited or that it's a special day! think i've gotten over counting our years together, or deeming it a milestone to have reached another year together. i don't see the need to celebrate (even our birthday) or to give presents to each other. if i feel he needs sth, i'll just get it for him whether or not there is an occasion, but it applies otherwise too. if there is a special occasion but i can't think of anything he needs or would like to have, i won't bother too. we didn't give each other birthday presents last year too! we're too lazy! hahaha..i've become too settled in the routine life that we have developed!

not that i'm not contented with this relationship of course. i feel more than blessed! :)

zk's reservist starts tmr, so he's not free anyway!! not my fault haha...he said i agreed to plan this year's anniversary, but i don't remember making that promise at all! but i told him i'm too lazy! hahaha...

but still, i'm grateful for what we share, the fact that i can be at my ugliest (emotionally and physically) and yet still feel wanted. we've had our fair share of arguments, some really bad ones, but i think we're slowly easing over that phase..

i'll soon be progressing to another stage in my life- as a working adult! i'm confident that it won't change things much, just like how we saw each other through your army, and my uni life. now it's your turn to mug the weekends away! haha..

here's to all our years to come! :)

little kiwi says hello! :)

true liberationnnn :D

even though i'm feeling rather groggy and sleepy now, i felt so motivated to express the overwhelming feeling of LIBERATION i'm now feeling!

instead of feeling relieved after my very last NTU paper, i felt even more stressed than before it! cos i'd been putting off mugging for the cfa exam till then, and i could already imagine how stressed i'd be trying to race against time, especially since i essentially had only 2 weeks to memorise 6 textbooks after taking away the 2 weeks i went on holiday with my family!

i even brought a tb overseas to mug, not that it was very productive though..but i kinda detested the nagging feeling that when we were not on the roads, i should be intensively flipping the tb instead of just chilling out and lazing around in the guesthouses..i didn't like the feeling that i couldn't slack when i'd ought to have! still, being on a holiday kinda numbed the stress and the pressurising feeling of time being too tight felt more distant than pressing..this i appreciated during the trip, but certainly not when i returned to singapore and realised the mess i was in!!

staying at home every single day (not exagerrating) for 2 weeks (except to celebrate daddy's birthday & buy kiwi!), bringing my textbooks everywhere i go around the house! super no life right..but somehow i didn't even feel deprived of not going out at all! maybe cos i'm quite a stay-at-home person..my indulgences were playing with kiwi (my new pet bird) and researching on google about sun conures (kiwi's breed)..i would get hooked on reading site after site, relishing in learning about other owners' sweet experiences with their sun conures, and also how to take care of them..

i'll write more about kiwi in another post!

so anyway....i've really been looking forward to this day..when i can TRULY SLACK AND DO WHATEVER I WANT FOR ONE MONTH (before i start contributing to the productivity of singapore's labour force on 12th july!)...now THIS was what i was supposed to feel on 5th may after AA306 paper!! hahaha

my mind is filled with sooooo many things i have to do, that i don't even think one month is enough! but i'm excited to start on my various tasks (hmm except packing my room and having to throw out notes that i've kept since secondary school- i guess i will never need them in my life anymore? but i like to keep them so that when i go through them in future, i can remember how it was taught in my classroom, and i'll instantly be transported back in time to those moments when i was a young student; i'll remember events, people that surrounded my attendance of that particular lesson..it really helps jolt awake memories that would otherwise be hidden in the recesses of my brain..)

my holiday tasks *exciteddd*:

• overdue birthday presents
• sort out UK photos + select for developing + scrapbook! think this will take up almost half my holidays already
• pack room; clear stacks of notes cluttering up my floor
• clear old clothes
• bond with kiwi, and sunsun of cos- hope to establish a strong foundation for my relationship with kiwi, for her to be a good girl, and also to adjust well to my reduced presence once i start working. would hope to teach her some basic commands, like stepping up on to my hand not only when she wants to play + introduce her to more foods (currently i'm still handfeeding her as she's still a baby!)
• meet up with my close friends!
• L4D2!!

haha i think that's more than enough for a span of one month..really hope i spend this last slack phase of my life fruitfully & memorably :)

well anyway i wanted to thank those very sweet friends who messaged me to wish me luck for the exam..i felt touched yet ashamed at the same time cos it seems as though i've been too whiney and attracted too much attention that so many people would know and remember it..but i didn't know how else to explain my absence from sessions or why i couldn't meet up with other friends; when i said i have to study for an exam, ppl would naturally ask what exam..and i felt that only by letting my friends know the stress of it could i make up for the fact that i appeared 'too busy for them'??

but thank you sinnie (whom i love keeping in touch with), diana dear (who sweetly came over to my house twice just to accompany me while she was so bored!), jingjing, chujie, yaoyao, peipei, xiuxia, cb, edmund, reuben (haha i didn't even noe how you knew about it la!), zq, pillow, and kezia (who sent me an internet sms all the way from new york! hehe) for making my otherwise usually dead handphone more lively for once!

friends who are free, i'm available all the time if you need someone for company! :D

it's my daddy's birthday today! :) took time off studying and our family went for lunch at jp's kui shin bo..my treat! hehe..was happy to see daddy enjoying all his seafood (as usual), especially his crabs!

sometimes it's really nice that your loved ones have specific, explicit likings & interests..that you can cater for to make them happy in such a straightforward way..

i guess it's what i like in animals (and children i guess) too..they make it apparent what makes them happy and what does not..makes me wanna do the things that make them happy all the time!

was reminded that my parents are getting older year by year, when at the cashier said there was a 10% discount for senior citizens (i.e. 55 yrs and above)..and my mummy said my daddy just turned 55 today. it didn't strike me that he was in his mid 50s..i see my same daddy everyday, the same daddy i've known since i was young, and to me he still looks the same (he doesn't have a single strand of white hair i think it runs in the family!)..i don't want my parents to ever grow old.. :(

on another topic, my research on my potential pet bird has led me from breeder to breeder, from one species to another..i originally was looking at baby lovebirds..but soon i realised i don't actually want another lovebird..i don't want sunsun to feel replaced by a tamer bird of her own kind..

then i contacted breeders of parrotlets (super small parrots, smaller than lovebirds)..but they were all sold already..

and eventually, i was led to a bird called a 'sun conure', that i never really considered and knew about before! it's more pricey, but i guess it's cos they're slightly bigger (12 inches head to tail) and have a longer lifespan of up to 30 years..

this is what it looks like!

i know people who are scared of birds will probably not think very much of it, but i think it's really pretty! showed pictures online to my parents and my mummy said she doesn't like the grey ring around their eyes! so choosy!

some facts that i've read up on sun conures..

• a type of parrot
• they're extremely affectionate and love attention (which appeals to me hehe)
• they are capable of learning some tricks and to talk a little (not that much of my goal though)
• they love to take baths (so cute!)
• origin: south america (brazil to venezuela)
• babies are not as colourful (as a defense mechanism) but full plumage starts to appear when the bird is around 1 yr old
• relatively small for a parrot- 12 inches in length
• average lifespan of 25- 30 years
• rather big drawback: they have rather piercing and loud screeches!! which they use to call for your attention, usually in the mornings and evenings..i really hope this doesn't pose a problem to my neighbours!

so anyway, i've contact this home breeder (apparently he's quite known in the bird-breeding world..for one that he provides 'after-sale services')..he has 2 baby sun conures, 8 weeks old and still being hand-fed (which is impt if you want them tame)..and my parents and i are gonna drop by his house tmr evening to have a look at the bird! luckily he stays quite near so don't have to waste so much time travelling..cos must study!

could tell that my parents tried not to let their possible objections come in the way, after they knew how much i was disappointed by not being able to get a dog..and i'm glad that they're supportive of getting another pet bird for our family! daddy kept asking if the guy replied my sms..and suggested going down to his house to have a look..

looking forward to tmr and will update again on the status of my new pet bird seeking project!

back to STUDYINGGGG now :((((((((

finally had the courage to broach the dog issue to my parents last night..and well, i guess my hopes of ever getting a dog while living with them have been dashed through and through.

will elaborate on their reasons more next time..mummy said she'll allow me to get baby birds instead, and i guess i'm contented with that..at least that was my dream before i started having my dog fantasies (which i built up so intensely and yet one-sidedly)

5th day since i came back from UK! been mugging very hard at home every day..my cfa exam is as dead as can be! will spend the whole of my next week till 5th june cooping up a thome and mugggggggggiiiiiiiinnnngggggg

wanna say thank you to my dearest diana darling who has very sweetly taken the initiative to find and accompany me even though i'm too busy to really talk to her or entertain her! she came over on mon and obediently sat opposite me reading her book as she promised hehe!

till the next time........

i want a dog...

while reading the 'lifestyle' section of the sunday times today, there was a headline of an article which i felt was crafted so aptly for my family!

it read 'Want a pet? Write a report'

the artice featured how a mother wanted to instill discipline and independence in her daughter, and thus made her write a report with 5 reasons why she should be allowed to get a hamster.

i was partially amused, but excited, because i had done the exact same thing earlier this week! voluntarily though..cos.......i really want a dog!! have been a dog lover all my life, grew up with dogs (kimberly's) but accepted that i'll never have my own cos my mummy always said no..soon i learnt to stop asking, and was content to play with my cousin's dogs occasionally..

but now, many reasons led me to feel the time is RIGHT! haha maybe if i'm less paiseh i'll paste my 5-page 'report' (with double-spacing :p) with my various compelling reasons here next time!

i used to wonder why booboo was brought into my life and then so tragically taken away less than 24 hours later..leaving but a painful scar in my memory..i still think of her everyday and wish she was still around, imagining how she'll look like if she had grown up..and sometimes i'll question if i'd rather not have met her at all, cos my momentary feelings of feeling super blessed and lucky when she was around seem to be easily overwhelmed by the sadness that could probably ensue for the rest of my life..

i always believe everything happens for a reason by God's will (even though i'm not a christian or catholic)..and thus when booboo left, i really tried hard to find a reason why i was made the one to pick her up in the first place..

and now, i think i've kinda found the reason. ever since booboo was gone, it created this emptiness in my heart which craved for a pet to take care of..initially i wanted a baby lovebird, but i admit that it was an impulsive desire to simply replace booboo..

and then one day i chanced upon mummy's mail from spca thanking her for her donation..and it spurred my interest to 'explore' other pet possibilities..i went on the spca website to look at their dogs for adoption..and this led me to a daily research on other forums, adoption websites etc. to look out for potential dogs! booboo's presence spurred me to rethink the possibility of actually getting my own dog, and then hoping to materialize it.

haha but ANYWAY, not that my mummy has approved yet. the first time i asked her verbally (after mustering LOTSA courage), she adamantly objected ('No means no!')..and i was so dejected i went to my toilet to cry secretly! haha such a crybaby right..and i decided i had to approach the matter more rationally, and decided to write a REPORT! which i e-mailed to my mummy and daddy (who has strangely decided to keep mum about the matter throughout!)

but despite mummy's first sms that 'we'll discuss the dog issue tonight' and us ending up not discussing in the end, she sent another sms to me while at work 2 days later:

'If it makes you feel any better, we'll seriously consider the dog issue only after our trip. So don't feel so dejected. :-P'

haha i seriously feel that the cheeky emoticon at the end is so out-of-place!! but i guess this spells some hope, especially from her initial 'NO MEANS NO!' right? hehe

i really really hope that my lifelong wish to have my own dog will come true!! wish me luck!! hehe..and thanks to those who 'wished' me courage after seeing my msn nick! :D

complicating simplicities

2 papers down! was really sleepy before both papers...think i didn't sleep enough last night! usually i won't be sleepy before an exam but dunno why this time i just felt very dazed!

attempted to drink coffee before the other paper..i hardly ever drink it and so i just wanted to give it a shot, to hopefully jerk me awake before my 2nd paper..but after drinking it, i felt just as sleepy and my stomach even felt a bit queasy!! my conclusion is that coffee has no powers over me at all!

hmm feel quite slack now..was looking forward to this moment yesterday when i was super stressed trying to mug for my 2 papers today..and now that i'm in this moment, it IS a relaxing feeling, but i'm feeling restless! i'm feeling really sleepy! but somehow when i lie on the bed i just can't get to sleeeppp..is this what imsomnia feels like??

at zk's hall now with totally nothing to do! sleepy but can't sleep..i feel LOST! haha

i foresee this is gonna be a damn random post cos i have nothing else to do!

went down to play with the cats just now..feel quite blessed to be able to play with them..it's like having many pets without having to really take care of them (clean up their poo, bathe them, feed them etc.)..it's really being able to have your cake and eat it! haha my feeling of being blessed was further reinforced when i watched on channel newsasia the other day that 'cat cafes' are sprouting up all over japan as this business concept is increasing in popularity..basically people visit these cafes to play with the many cats there and often make return visits to monitor the growth of their target cats! they can help to feed the cats and all too..and i was thinking while these people pay to interact with cats, i can do so for free! haha 30% of the attraction of zk's hall to me really lies in the excitement i get whenever i think that i can play with the cats there!

while waiting for the exam scripts to be collected today, i looked round the nanyang audi and started analysing the architecture. i realised constructors, architects and electricians are really geniuses. i can NEVER come close to producing even a door, and that is why i am so awed by how every nook, cranny & crevice has been created. Even the ceiling seems humongous! how did they even manage to shape such a huge slab of cement and get it up there in the first place?? there were also rows and rows of lights..how did they install these? how did the electrician plan where the wires would go and then really placed them there so strategically?

sometimes i really think humans are another breed of animals on our own. i've blogged about this before, how it's amazing we're so much more evolved that we created this whole world of our own. erecting skyscrapers, inventing wireless communication, to writing journals..i think it's safe to say humans have a much more complex way of communication than other animals??

at other times, though, i'm always overcome by the realisation that we are, simply, animals too. as alive as them, and as transient on this earth as them. i dunno why, but booboo's incident made me view life much more simply. that the greatest blessing in our lives is really just being alive. having life in itself is the best thing we were endowed with.

and in those passing moments when i'm struck by this conclusion, many things i see around me get devaluated instantly. the internet, printed notes, reading notes resulting from centuries of knowledge processing and transferring by other people, suddenly seem worthless. why do humans complicate our lives by creating an entity called 'knowledge'? why does it seem so important for us to discover the science behind this world, the planets around us, how other animals reproduce,and then try so hard to document these findings..when other animals can get on fine with their lives just by blending into the natural outdoors, the world as it was when it was formed?

why do humans get bored when we have 'nothing' to do and hence invent a world full of hobbies and entertainment? how different life would be if we were just like another animals, enjoying kinship, while also having to worry about catching the next prey or being the next one..

sometimes looking at how much this world has developed, with new inventions introduced continually, makes me feel that humans are not exactly part of this natural environment. instead of being subject to nature, we seek to control it, and in the process destroy it. we remove acres of forests to make way for buildings, supposedly more habitable than the natural outdoors? in this respect we can never really be like other animals. why do we need our own exclusive buildings and cement structures we call houses?

hmm though by darwin's theory of natural evolution, i guess the fittest characteristics tend to be sustained. so perhaps having such structures allowed us to survive for so many centuries..maybe they provide the hygiene and shelter for us to live and reproduce safely in.

but still, i do think it's unnatural. i'm not advocating going back to our stone age days where men went hunting and women went gathering. this leads me to another explanation for why humans changed the surface of this planet the way we did- for security. we are still hunters, but no longer prey to others, by way of how we create this formal boundaries around our territory, building houses to keep out potential predators. i think it's the most unnatural phenomenon that we end up being right at the top of this food web.

yea i guess that is the mostly likely conclusion i can think of for now. like i said, this IS a very random entry! very unorganized cos i'm still sleepy! but these thoughts have been hovering in my head for quite a while now.

off to ginger and kari i go! :)

and so i attended the very last lesson of my uni education, and as kokwei put it (to deliberately make me feel emo), the very last lesson of my formal education since i was in primary school.

does make me feel slightly liberated, but mainly apprehensive, sentimental and nostalgic. i won't deny i'm afraid of the future. i'm not as sociable and open to change and challenge as i'd like myself to be.

took my very first photo with an ntu tutor, and ironically, not one from nbs. my very last lesson was my spanish lesson! a more light-hearted end to a heavier reality perhaps :) at first i was begging kokwei to take a photo with the teacher and me, and then we overheard two girls behind us wanting to take too! and wadever paisehness i had totally disappeared, and before i knew it, it became a CLASS photo. wow, i've never taken a class photo in a classroom setting since jc! they were all so cute afterwards, discussing how i should add each of them on fb or sth so that i could share the photo (which was taken on my camera) with them!

my AA304 group! tze yuen (diana you can finally see what he looks like!), kezia & joseph :) i like this photo cos i tried to tip-toe to look taller while kez was so indignant about it and kept trying to push me back down so she won't appear so short!!

had dinner at can A after spanish, and kokwei, chinboon & yaoyao were being all silly! trying to say emo things and sing emo songs on separation and goodbyes to make me emo about my 'last lesson day'! cb as usual suggested taking a photo with a 'scenic' backdrop!

yaoyao being SILLY in my test shots!
hehe our proper grp photo- me and the 3 chivalrous knights! haha! *pukes* anyway didn't realise there's so much noise in the pic though! looked alright on my camera screen!

but i felt really thankful that they were so sweet to walk me to zk's hall :)

of course i have lotsa thoughts about the imminent end of uni life, but that's for another time. i guess the submission of my last exam script would hold much more meaning, and it would then be true liberation, or helplessness, whichever way i choose to look at it.

jiayou everyone for the upcoming exams! :) cherish being able to study while we can!

my indulgences

simply could not stay focused on studying today, and ended up spending great portions of my time taking photos of the flowers at zk's house!

it was a little tiring though, as i tried so hard to capture the morning glories from numerous angles, and they were actually hanging from quite a height! i had to keep my arms raised perpetually, waiting for the right moment to press the shutter as the flower kept swaying in the wind! plus it was raining lightly..had to constantly wipe my lens too!

i used to only like taking photos of flowers when they were in the sun..cos i like the yellowish glow of the sun's rays..but i realised the colours of flowers are best captured on a cloudy day actually, when the exposure is lower..and taking photos after a rainfall is quite a magical moment too! as you can see from the above photos how water droplets help adorn the flowers and leaves :)

morning glories are actually really pretty flowers..and their buds are unique too, like spiral cones..

i hope zk's daddy plants more pretty flowers! hehe

okok i really need to get back to studying now :x