wisdom

Let none find fault with others; let none see the omissions and commissions of others. But let one see one’s own acts, done and undone. – The Buddha.

next on my to-handmake list:

the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society

what i originally thought was a book of alternative genre (credits to its unusual name) turned out to be one of best reads I've had in a while.

it was a while that i looked forward to long bus journeys even after a tired day at work, and a while that i jumped onto my bed, in office wear and hands unwashed after stroking the condo cat, and read ferociously for 2 and a half hours straight. i finished the book and went without dinner!

the story is based in the channel islands in 1945, just after the end of the German occupation. the entire book is written in the form of letters exchanges between the main characters, and depict so realistically human emotions of empathy, light-headedness with an overarching nonchalant dignity associated with a love interest, bravery amidst suffering in wartimes, sarcasm, humor, unconditional giving by people who have suffered, friendship and love.

most of all, it reminded me of how beautiful communication becomes when it takes place through letters. with the technology we have nowadays, why would one write lengthy, entertaining letters to update another on his life? less is the need to string beautiful chains of words, and gone is the true meaning of keeping in touch- satisfying a genuine interest in the life of another.

communication these days seem more an activity to pass time on the train, to coordinate schedules of a group of people, elevated chatter that never delve deeper. we just don't give ourselves the luxury of time to think more pensive thoughts and pen them down, ink to paper.

I think that beautifully phrased thoughts make one think of the world as a more beautiful place, and thus one a kinder and more appreciative soul.

i was also saddened, trying to lap up every morsel of information in the book after finishing the story, when I read that the author had passed on (at an age of 74) and this was the only novel she'd written..I wish she wrote more!

and a pity we don't write letters anymore.

a new start

discovered the blogger app on the itunes store! hopefully being able to blog on-the-go will reignite my desire to write, since i usually forget most of my passing thoughts by the time i get home/somewhere convenient to pen them down.

with that i hope to start thinking a little more, and wandering a little less.

约定

haha i haven't blogged in ages, i wonder if anyone still bothers to visit this abandoned space. -blows dust-



got introduced to this song recently by zk. well, i've heard of it before, but it's the kind of song which you find familiar and can hum along to, but never really knew its singer, title or lyrics. it drove me to write this post because it got me all pensive again. i must say it's been a while since i last really immersed in my thoughts and got in touch with my emotions; it's a really heartwarming feeling..

these days, i get a little too caught up with the present. i'm not the kind who worries incessantly about the future or finds faults with the present, but i used to reminisce so much more than i do today (if i even do at all). reminiscing makes me feel human all over again because it paints a new coat of colours to faded, dumbed-down memories, invokes emotions into me, and reminds me of the life-embracing person i once was. it makes me recall how simple life was before and could still be now, how my emotions were so easily brought to a high by the smallest of events- knee-knocking trick i used to play on my friends in ny, chapteh in jc, an sms from zk back in jc...i don't know if it's true for others, but reminiscing makes all troubles in the present seem all the more trivial, because when you look back, you probably only recall the sweet and positive memories 90% of the time.

i must admit my emotions have been as lifeless as a graveyard in recent years- never too happy, or never too sad (apart from when i argue with zk). if i were to find a reason for this change, i would think it's just a way of protecting myself; while i am probably less inclined to feeling hurt or disappointed, i don't get truly, deeply happy too...

is it a worthwhile trade-off?

i think the fact that i haven't been blogging shows how much i've been really thinking, not academically or intellectually as i strive to improve myself at my job, but spiritually. it's not that i've been lazy, i just had NOTHING to write about; no new ideas, reflections, thoughts, emotions, inspiration, happenings..many a time i attempt to start a blog entry just to get the creative juices flowing, but i give up after a sentence or two. i think i'm not opening my heart enough to experience what there is to life...in the past when i first started this blog in jc and basically rambled on about how happy i was to meet up with my friends, how guilty i was for not mugging, it seems so trivial and childish looking back now, but i miss how my emotions were driven by such simple events. is this all part of growing up?

anyway, back to the point of why i wanted to share this song. i think i haven't heard a song like this in a while- so heartfelt and genuine. its lyrics depict an idealistic way of love, but which is so simple and achievable. i can't explain why it caused me to start reminiscing on past events again, but it did make me feel somewhat sad too. do i have this love so succinctly espoused in this song? is this love even possible if i'm the only one feeling excited about and looking forward to a future together?

i'm worried, my boyfriend either has amnesia or creates untrue memories

deborah says:
kk
did u notice ur new profile pic?
SOH says:
haha
ya
actually i chose it randomly, it was a picture from vienna
deborah says:
DEAR!
STOP LYING!
SOH says:
quite cute one the trees have leaves that form into balls!
dear it's true!!
deborah says:
dear
I WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED UR DP
WHEN U WERE NOT IN UR ROOM!
SOH says:
huhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i chose itttttttttttttttttttt
deborah says:
NO!
SOH says:
msn??
deborah says:
YES!
SOH says:
OMG dear no!!!!
i chose ittttttttttttttttt
deborah says:
YESSSSS
DEAR
U ARE LYING THRU UR TEETH!
SOH says:
REALLY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
deborah says:
YESSSSSSSSSSS
DEAR
SOH says:
I REMEMBER CHOOSING IT!!!!!!!!!1
deborah says:
NO!
I REALLY CHOSE IT
I WANTED TO CHANGE UR DP
BEFORE THIS I FORGOT WAD IT WAS
THEN I BROWSED THRU UR PHOTOS ON UR COMP
WHICH IS LIMITED ANYWAY
THEN I SAW THIS COULD POTENTIALLY BE A GOOD PROFILE PIC
SO I CHOSE IT!
SOH says:
HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
omg
i have a serious problem
i really have this recollection that I was the one who chose it
deborah says:
omgggggg
SOH says:
this is weird

a hidden heart

It's times like these I really wish you were here beside me to give me a hug and make me feel nothing can be too bad for me to handle with you around.

veggie tales

so i've finally acted on my resolve to turn vegetarian! have been at it for close to 2 weeks now, and apart from the occasional discouragement from some of my colleagues (due to inconvenience) and my well-meaning parents (who are concerned about my nutrition), i think it has gone pretty well!

i don't miss eating meat at all. well, i was never one who enjoyed eating meat per se, but most of the time, the tastiness of the sauce/fried flour tempted me into shutting out thoughts of the animal that became meat on my plate. thoughts of how it was alive and kicking in one moment, but devoid of life in the next, because of me.

each person i told of my intentions to turn vegetarian would inevitably ask me 'why'. to be honest, i don't really like discussing this topic because i don't want to appear all noble and compassionate, because i really am not. i also don't wish to make the person hearing my explanation feel as though he or she was heartless for eating meat. there are so many other ways in which my actions are detrimental to animals, and i am far away from ever reaching a state in which my existence does not harm any animal at all. in fact, it may be impossible to ever reach that destination.

my daily necessity of hygiene is already a source of dispute. the toothpaste i use, the shampoo & shower foam i lavishly cleanse myself with, the cosmetics i use for work, which of these have been 100% free from animal testing? i used to see the term 'dermatologically tested' on my facial foams and viewed that as an assurance, but now i know it means 'dermatologically tested (on animals)'.

one step at a time, i tell myself. so my next resolve is to understand more about animal testing, and try to avoid using products of brands which perform it. for those of you who are interested, do visit the PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) website for a start. They list the various brands which test and don't test on animals. They also talk about other animal rights, and why animals are not ours to eat, to wear, to experiment on, to use for entertainment, or worst of all, to abuse.

(hyperlinks in blue)

http://www.peta.org/
why animals are not ours to eat
why animals are not ours to wear
why animals are not ours to experiment on
why animals are not ours to use for entertainment
why animals are not ours to abuse

cruelty of animal testing
"To test cosmetics, household cleaners, and other consumer products, hundreds of thousands of animals are poisoned, blinded, and killed every year by cruel corporations. Mice and rats are forced to inhale toxic fumes, dogs are force-fed pesticides, and rabbits have corrosive chemicals rubbed onto their skin and eyes."

brands which test on animals
prominent examples are l'oreal, p&g, colgate-palmolive, johnson & johnson, unilever (including countless sub-brands like dove which i have been using for the longest time!!! :()

brands which do not test on animals
ironically, the brands in this list are the ones which are more obscure......sigh

back to why i said it might be impossible to fully live an animal cruelty-free life..another pervasive instance which i feel in no control of this time is the use of animal testing in drugs. while it is so much easier to get rid of animal-harming behaviors which only serve to enhance our lives (improve our diets, maintain our hygiene, beautify ourselves through cosmetics and animal-based fashion wear/bags etc.), it is another issue altogether to put human health at stake. i am not in a position to comment much about this because i have not done enough research on this topic, on whether healing drugs can be produced without the need for animal testing. while i still resent the fact that humans value their health more than the life of an animal, will i still feel the same if it was my loved one who was ill and needed the drug badly?

just 3 days ago, as i was walking towards the bus stop to get to work, i saw a mynah standing on the road. (i always feel worried for these birds who stand along the road!! i've seen more than enough dead birds on the roads to know that they don't always manage to fly away in time) it seemed to be watching over this lump of mass beside it..much as i prayed it wasn't so, it was a dead mynah who probably just got run over by a car. i'm not sure how the 2 mynahs were related, but i can imagine it must have been feeling as much sorrow as a human would feel seeing our loved one in such a lifeless, mangled state. and yet the mynah could do nothing about it. until today, the dead mynah's body was still there, but this time even more unrecognizable, as more and more cars started to tear its body apart. my heart ached for it; what indignity it must have to suffer even in death.

and this thought strengthened my resolve even more to turn vegetarian. who am i to weep over a poor bird who got ran over by a car, if i continued to indirectly kill other birds by savouring tasty BBQ wings one after another?

but don't ask me to explain all the good reasons why i am doing so, because i can't give a satisfactory, rational answer myself. i am just following my emotions, and am probably trying to selfishly avoid the after-feeling of guilt.

it is a very personal belief and i don't intend to impose my vegetarian thoughts on those around me as well, but choosing animal-friendly consumer products is one step i encourage all of you to explore together with me! :)

a harrowing experience

what started out to be a guilt-inducing but relaxing experience watching star awards in my room turned out to be a heart-pumping scare!

i hardly watch tv, and less so the old free tv redeemed using exxon-mobil petrol points. it has literally been a white elephant in my room. i decided to let my lack of discipline get the better of me when i switched it on, neglecting my poor cfa tb which has been calling out to me to be flipped the whole week!

after around 10 minutes, i heard a crackling pop sound and suddenly, there was GREY SMOKE BILLOWING from the vents of my tv!! the screen still played on fine, with colour, sound and all, but the smoke was starting to fill my nostrils! i, with my shaky index finger, pushed the power button, and then turned off the main plug.

BUT the smoke still continued to emanate from the tv for a good 15 min! i hastily pushed my windows open and closed the room door and sought shelter in the living room! i didn't know what to do at all cos my all-knowing parents had just left the house for dinner and it'd be some time before they got back...

in the meantime with a racing heart, i pondered over silly thoughts like what would happen if the tv suddenly exploded and my whole house, including me, caught fire?? would i jump out of the window and aim for the swimming pool to douse the flames on me? or if it was not so extreme, but only the tv caught fire, what are the items i would rush to retrieve first from my room for keepsake? haha i don't know if this is amusing, but my cfa textbooks were my first thought!! (probably cos of its overriding priority in my life now since exams are coming up) my next thought was to stash away all the photos i have in my room + the gifts from zk (zk, are you touched??)...after that my silly mind stopped blabbering to itself....

when daddy came home and i told him about it, he just calmly said, 'orhh, you know it's the transistor (whatever that is) being worn out, cannot do anything already la', and mechanically proceeded to unplug the tv with all its cables and removing it from my room!

oh my, what would i do without my protective, handyman daddy??

rojak post

can't believe how inconsiderate singaporeans can get these days, younger ones i'm referring to here. countless times i have seen how old folks stand right in front of seated youngsters on the train who show NO sign of budging. just 2 days ago, there was an obviously pregnant lady directly in front of a priority seat. the guy occupying wasn't sleeping (or pretending to be), just stared ahead at the floor with a chao bin expression. he was not handsome, not ugly too, but immediately i found everything about him so ugly!!! omg i dunno how else to describe such a screwed up person..sometimes i imagine myself being all righteous and going up to these ppl to ask them to give up their seats, but i'm held back by the fear of attracting too much attention to myself afterwards. what a shame that singapore has become so developed, but our sense of community & caring for one another has only served to deteriorate.

on the same thread of public transport, why do i get the feeling that youngsters (gosh i view myself as no longer a youngster!!) think it's un-hip to occupy the front half of a bendi-bus? they must either stand in the circular centre or the back (assuming an empty bus)!

another random thought, in places like taiwan/japan where ppl release pretty lanterns into the sky, where do these lanterns eventually reach? do they suddenly stop combusting and float back to the ground???

and and and.....

i'm gonna get an iphone 4!!!! never imagined the day i would get one, since i'm quite the status-quo person and wouldn't change my phone unless i lost it (quite probable). but, EVERYONE around me has one, at least in the office, and i'm starting to get won over by the user-friendly & superb functions the iphone possesses:

1. for one, it's greatest attraction is its web-surfing capabilities. coupled with a large display screen, i can easily occupy my daily travelling journeys enriching myself with NEWS! now, i always feel i'm wasting my time on the train, but can't really study for cfa cos the book is just too bulky.

2. it's so much easier & cheaper to keep in touch with my friends! i've witnessed the beauty of whatsapp and the fact that sending messages is free cos it's just like an msn chat. videocalling etc. will also be free as long as both parties have data plans...i hope this will overcome my dislike towards smsing..hehe..and i like the fact u can attach photos to your messages, i'm gonna spam my friends!

3. i've been playing around with the downloaded funky camera apps on my friends' iphones and i'm in love with the vivid photos taken :D in future, i wouldn't have to bring my digicam around anymore! hehe

on the downside, monthly bill will double cos of the dataplan...but i'm getting it through my company's corporate plan, so the 16GB iphone will only cost $60, with monthly bill at $40 (500 sms, 200 min outgoing, 32 GB data). what held me back initially was the touch screen typing, but i have tried to acquaint myself to it through playing with bebe's iphone, and it's true humans can do anything as long as they get used to it! and mummy helped me in getting approval to waive the early recontract fee! hehehe...but it'll take prob 2 days to be delivered to my office, i'm EGG-CITED!!!