i felt rather emo today..for reasons that my friends can probably expect, but for which my colleagues will probably think i'm behaving just like an unprofessional girl who has yet to grow up..
i'm not sure if everyone goes through such a struggling transition phase like me, but adapting to working life seems much more painful that i thought, for numerous reasons..
the biggest realisation that overwhelmed me was the fact that almost all my relationships with people now are gonna be purely working relationships..i know it's probably too early to say and i'm probably being overly-pessimistic, but that's the way i see and feel it now. other than my internship buddy whom i'm quite close to now, nobody else has really showed any interest in wanting to know me better on a personal level. i'm not saying i expect many people to want to know me in the first place, but i can't quite fathom how long i can survive without real friendship in the workplace.
at least when i talk to people, i really hope to know more about what kind of people they are, what drives their interests and thought process, and hope to build mutual excitement in growing a friendship together. and that is probably why i just get cumulatively more and more disappointed with each passing day. cos as opposed to being in school, spending more time together does not necessarily draw two people together, but instead prove to me that people are really just contented in keeping their interactions with you as such.
i knew i would miss uni and studying long before i graduated, but i never thought i'd miss it so badly..perhaps during the internship i always knew it was just a temporary thing; even if i failed to forge strong bonds/friendships, it was alright as i'd soon be returning to a place where all my friends are. but now, i'm actually on a PERMANENT job; i still feel so young and naive! to all my friends still studying, pleaseeee cherish your time in uni!
speaking of naive, i always thought i appeared rather strong in front of my friends, especially my girlfriends..that sometimes my close friends would value my thoughts and advice..but at the workplace, i really do think i can be considered as naive? everyone else seems so accustomed to the working world, so independent, so streetsmart, with no need for any form of help or advice on a personal level..at least they're not showing it to someone whom they probably perceive as too naive anyway, like me..
i really wonder how i should be like at work..just be myself- playful, chirpy, afraid to offend, but naively diligent at work? or seek to cultivate a professional front that people would respect more, and probably would find more intriguing and thus would wish to know me better? i don't wish to be practical here, but i'm starting to realise that some things really do have to change at the workplace..
and because i'm starting to conclude that i can't find much of a truly fulfilling, relationship-based life at work, i'm getting more and more motivated to sieve out what my interests are, and to pursue my hobbies seriously outside of work. few things i have in mind- exploring nature trails, photography, watercolour painting, volunteering with animal shelters..and of cos to meet up wif my friends, the important people who keep me grounded :)
yes! i shall get down to doing all these! i shall stop being a childish, emotional girl!
