thank you all so much.....

haha i'll be going for my odac trip later tonite oredy! but i haven started packing yet! aiya but think there's nothing much to bring too right...hope it'll be fun! :)

anyway, i really wanna thank vipul and mavis for the celebration last night...i was really very touched...and glad to have such great friends like you two...it must have taken so much effort and trouble to organise everything and get the class together..i just feel that i dont deserve such trouble from you guys...thanks for the water bottle n shirt too...

i must say that was one of my best birthday celebrations ever..haha the first surprise celebration i ever had! even though my birthday is still like 14 days away!! hahaha...i cant express enough my gratitude and touchedness really...thanks again..to everyone who came too...clara, jorina, zit, michelle, mingwei, yihan, keyi, yuensau, david&amy....

and of course, my beloved tyz n steph too! hehe i really thought it was coincidental that u two went there too la! thanks for coming down all the way k....to ouou, ur present was really very sweet lor i like it a lot a lot a lot! i still dunno how u managed to rush it out in such a short time..and to liowliow! haha thanks for ur bag!! plus ur HALF-EATEN hello panda! i just finished it today! muahaha....

murderer was fun, but stressful! i was never chosen to be the murderer, thankfully..if not i'll just die of the stress...but i dunno i kept being accused of being the murderer! it was so tiring to keep having to defend my innocent self! haha poor zit kept being accused too...who ask u keep smiling to urself for NO REASON! haha!

i really love our class...im really gonna miss all of you....haiz.. :'(

hmmm a levels are finally over...but i dont feel as happy as i thought i would be...i noe this sounds damn mugger, but i kinda miss having to study...today i was putting away all my stacks of paper ALL AROUND my room (not packing) n i was kinda overwhelmed wif nostalgia and some kind of sadness..its as though everything i've been doing for two years have all come to naught..what determined the general direction of my life so far has somehow disappeared so suddenly..it'll be stupid to go practise any form of tys or wadeva but it really seems now as though that this IS my life..haha shit i sound damn bookwormish now la..

i couldnt bear to throw my rj stuff away so soon...so i started clearing the stack which had deprived me of my tabletop these two years..my ny notes and timetables and other stuff..i still kept half of that stack of course..but i tried my best to be heartless and just dump some of those notes and worksheets away..somehow looking through them reminded me of wad i used to do then..discussing those familiar questions wif friends, coming to school to copy..(mostly smarty kwa's one) hehe....

i cant decide if nostalgia is a nice or unpleasant feeling, really...

hmmm i dont even noe how im gonna spend my holidays...feel quite lost..dunno wad im gonna do in uni..or wad part time job im gonna do before that too...haiz...

nway, went to vivocity ytd wif kwa, bin and tyz! i dont think i'll ever want to go back there again! its damn crowded la! then the shops are mostly high-end ones..the only nice part is where u can go out and stand on this platform facing the sea and look at sentosa across the little sea...we went to shop for enghui's and liow's presents! i think all of us are lousy shoppers we walk a bit den we damn tired and thirsty oredy haha...we ended up going to ps after that cos vivo really too crowded..

poor enghui must be mugging hard at home now...jiayou ok dear! at 5 plus tmr u can see all of us oredy! and have a romantic night at my house!! :D i miss ya so much! haven seen u for a month oredy... :(

okie im looking forward to class chalet!! very near my house oso den my mummy asked me to go home and sleep haha...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENYAN!!

to vipul, in reply to ur post....

haha i think u're very funny! u had the dream since primary 5?!?!?! crazy...im already 17 plus yet i have no idea at all wad i wanna do! hmmm anyway, i think there's not much point thinking about choosing whether to hold on to ur dreams and let go of your relationships because of it or vice versa...cos i believe in the end, u'll never be able to, like what you said, sacrifice your family and friends...i cant imagine you doing something like that anyway..ya i guess it all boils down to your beliefs, as to which is more important to you and what your ultimate goal in life is..as a normal person, i guess i'll definitely regret it if i compromise my relationships with my family and friends just to pursue my dreams..and under my standards, you're a normal person who cares a lot for your friendships and stuff too..but you seem to convince yourself that you're not like that and your ultimate aim in life is to be some renouned physicist capable of uncovering some ground-shaking theory..so i dunno oso la! but i do believe that you'll be able to strike a balance..why should you follow the norm of 'geniuses'?? i think if u really do nothing else except focus on ur research and wadsoever, u'll lead a very sad life actually..as in u'll be a very lonely person...then at the end of the day you'll look back on all your findings, be proud of them, yet ashamed of them at the same time because you forsook everything else in your life too...i feel that what determines how happy and satisfied we'll be on our deathbeds is how much we know we have given to those around us who matter to us and how much we matter to them as well..

aiya i have no conclusion here but of course im more inclined towards my own point of view...i think you'll naturally decide as you go along..no point making such a final and cutting decision right now anyway right??? :) and thanks for trying to understand too...

to enghui,
dont dwell too much on it oredy k? i totally understand how u feel now...but really, time will heal all wounds and wash away the pain...u noe i feel really happy when your mummy sounds so happy to hear my voice?!?! hehehe...u can tell my wife i'll go visit her soon!!! and u better hide BEAR in a safe place! muahaha...yup you'll always have us to protect u dear! :D

lastly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENYAN!! just wanna say that i think u're a very mature person..knowing when to give ur opinions and when not to...(haha ok except when u start complaining about so-and-so! :p) but nway, u've been a really nice friend to talk to all these while...hope u'll stay happy always! :)

its amazing how we can walk past so many hundreds of people and think of them just as strangers, people whose lives are of no importance to us at all..that there are so many thousands, millions of these insignificant beings around us all the time..but to each of these persons, everyone else around them, including me, is part of that insignificant world outside..people they'd hardly take a glance at and just walk off and move on with their own, important and self-centred lives..in which we view ourselves as the central figure, of course, and everything else that happens is judged merely on how its gonna affect our selfish lives ultimately...its complex how in a world where everyone seems so small, each and every one of these small beings has such a big big life they feel is much bigger than the much big big bigger world they live in..

hmmm ok maybe its not like that for everyone..i believe there are truly those beautiful, selfless souls out there..but i havent come across any in my life personally, yet...haha maybe when i meet such a person i'll be too overwhelmed by his or her goodness that i'll faint on the spot! haha ok i'm talking nonsense oredy..i dont really have a point to make but i was just thinking whether it is possible for someone to be truly selfless and always placing the needs and happiness of others before his or her own..if i were like that, i guess my whole mindset on life and all my actions would change drastically..cos i noe im still a selfish person after all...haiz...

but i think life will be much easier if we were all selfless people..(but then again much easier for US and OURSELVES again!)..cos if we didnt care so much about ourselves, our own needs and our own feelings all the time, we'd be much better able to let go of so many things..both losses and gains..nothing meant for selfish desires would mean so much to us anymore..and everything in our lives would revolve purely around love, compassion, kindness and sweetness! how nice that would be..... :)

i think i feel sad very easily...my mood gets affected very easily..though the sadness doesnt usually last for very long..but that means im selfish cos i care about my own feelings too much that's why i feel sad!

i'm always extremely heartened when i see people do good deeds out of their pure goodness..and obviously not seeking any recognition or form of thanks in return..people like bella! i dont think she reads my blog though...but nway, i think lala is such a person..she doesnt help by doing big big things which the whole world can see, but she helps in small ways which can often go unappreciated cos she's so cool (acting as usual stupid cucumber! :p) as always that she doesnt make it seem like she helped you..like when i told her i wanted to go over to her house to borrow her solubility equilibria notes to photocopy during march holidays, but didnt in the end, she passed a photocopied set of notes to me when school reopened! when she didnt have to! so kind of her right! and asking if i wanted the set of remedial questions for physics which she could take for me from ms wu and then responsibly passing them to me after that when she didnt have to as well..it seems such a small and easy thing to do, but when you think about it, not many will even have this kind intention in the first place..haha i hope her hair doesnt stand if she ever reads this...if not i'll have to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself there forever.. :p


it seems like so much has happened...im so scared that im a changed person..i may not seem so on the outside but i think i have changed inside..my thoughts, priorities..that i think im gonna be a one-dimensional person soon..always thinking the same, one-dimensional thoughts all the time..i feel im getting lazy to think nowadays...

haha this sounds like such a sad post again..
but im happy and thankful for what my life has brought to me.. :)

one year without you..

hmmm time really flies..
so many things can happen in a year
but still, even if it were possible for us to know what's gonna happen next i wouldnt want to know
i guess hope stems from uncertainty
and all of us feed on hope to survive

its been exactly one year now..
i still think of you and feel sad
but i'd rather feel sad than let the memories fade with time..
which i think they are already..
i think its true that sorrow makes us human
if the sadness comes from positive memories or thoughts, then being sad is not necessarily a bad thing..

but being sad over things that affect us negatively is just a waste of time
it consumes us and we gain nothing from it in the end
i've learnt that its easier to let go, be it big problems or petty grudges..

living up to my conscience is the most important thing for me..
cos i dont think i can face the rest of the world without first being able to face myself
i wish i was incapable of thinking negative thoughts
i hate times when i look down on my own character
i hate to think that people perceive me to be more simple than i am..
does it make me hypocritical?

aiya aiya then just take it to be their fault for not being able to see the more complex side of me la!
i still hope i'm relatively simple though
makes life easier for everyone..

haha i dunno what im writing also la
hope everyone stays happy and healthy! :)
haha sounds like some new year greeting
but i mean it! :D

ok bye..


you'll always stay in our hearts...

:)

went back to ny for the funfair today..
haha we went to the haunted house which wasnt scary at all!
den we just slacked in the 4/9 classroom while waiting for BIMBOS yuna, chua and ULTIMATE BIMBO chua hui boon!! to finish their $3 manicure which took like more than an hour??! i really miss having lessons wif all of u..the classroom looks a bit different now though..how can they use dark grey curtains???! all the computers are gone too..n they changed the comp on the teacher's table to some new black one haha..n of cos, the biggest change was that there were no more of those inspirational posters which mr chan bought to paste ALL OVER the classroom..haha

we met a few teachers..and strangely, it was the teachers whom we least expected to remember us who actually did..mdm yick, lee shanshan..quite sad mr chan and wu laoshi cant really remember us anymore..but its quite expected la given the sheer number of students they meet every year..haha BUT potato chan ONLY remembers his model student CHARlene kwa!!! haha! (char pronounced as in CHARlie :p)

ahh i feel so bad it was like yuna and weeleng who kinda sponsored us wif all the food and stuff!! cos they had coupons..nvm must treat u all back next time k! :D

den we went down to orchard..was supposed to watch movie but no good time slots so we ended up sitting down and talking instead..haha i learnt lotsa rj and hc gossip and i felt so ignorant! hahaha

warghh i really really miss nanyang sooooooooooo much..to an extent that it depresses me..i've never felt so comfortable wif a group of people, dare to say wadeva i feel like and being happy by just being in their company..its such a rare feeling for me now...

oooh and im so proud of yuna!! she actually appreciates my cute rainbow and sunshine lorr! haha she very cute la cos i sent 3 pics of them over to her phone and she kept changing her wallpaper between the pics..so fickled la!! but nwayyy here's a cute picture of rainbow for u!! hehe..dont have sunshine cos i haven used the digicam to take him yet..and i dunno how to upload pics from my phone..haha




thank you to all of you who really made my day today.. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACELYN!! :D

haha im still very fascinated by my POWER to upload pictures! so shall upload one picture wif every entry until i get sian of it..haha..nway the pic was taken on mount kinabalu! dunno by who though..i think its very nice!!

haha i think im a very boring person all the pictures in my phone are either of rainbow and sunshine, my cousins' dogs, flowers or nice scenery..hardly any people inside..apart from zilian ppl like tyz and zit who always use my phone to take pictures of themselves! haha!

and wildlook meeting today was damn unproductive! jeffrey and nasty introduced me to this hard gay guy..very disgusting! but quite funny haha..thankew nasty for the gummies! u really go buy lor so touched..buy something back for you next time!

and to ong sai bin, ong eng sin, tan yan zhen, kwa and liowliow...

I MISS YOU ALL..


and to gracelyn...
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!
love ya always...

muahaha im testing my newly-found skills of posting pictures so i just posted two nice pictures! the first one is from damn long ago when i let rainbow fly around in my toilet..and she ended up beside my rabbit figurines..and yk said she has fat legs in that picture! haha!

the next one is from the many many scenery pictures i downloaded..i have this hobby of looking at all the pictures of nice scenery and flowers and downloading them! i think photos have this special power of changing one's moods..and the atmosphere of that scene in the photo really comes out very effectively..if it doesnt take so long to upload photos i'll want to put my whole collection here! haha :p

ok i dunno how the pictures will turn out i shall publish the post and see!

life's actually really nice if we're able to block off worthless things from our minds..thinking about negative things, people just make me feel negative about myself..so i wont anymore!

its comforting to know that there are so many nicer people out there, and these are the blessings i should be thankful for

i guess different people have different standards of their own conscience
i'm glad i respect mine a lot

im sorry to the both of you..i just felt being away from certain stuff is the best way to keep myself from thinking about them at all..i still do treasure our friendships :)

i think i've matured a little..haha that's a blessing in disguise too right?

im so so glad its finally the holidays! yk remember our iceskating k! :D

i think i've given up

i didnt want to blog about this because i thought there was still hope, that it could still be salvaged
but i have seen for myself that i really should just give up. totally.
you cant imagine how sick and tired i am of all this nonsense
the worst thing is, i dont even know why it happened
i really cant understand how someone can turn his/her back on a friend so quickly..
shouldnt friendship be about tolerating another's flaws and accomodating them?
yes i know im not perfect. if you cant accept me for who i am then why be my friend in the first place? if you're gonna hurt me after that i'd rather i never met you..

believe me, i really wanted everything to work out, to go back to how it was..and i did think it actually was for a period of time! then what happened after that? im totally clueless

was our friendship so fragile right from the start? that everything can so cruelly be destroyed by NOTHING (at least to me). that you could forsake it so easily, without getting affected a single bit at all? i really thought u were a great friend, someone i could have fun with yet confide in at the same time..but where has all that gone to? what exactly happened? maybe im oversensitive, too easily affected..and that's what you cant stand about me..but all i know is that i have never done anything against you consciously, or offended you deliberately and i really cant understand what you hate about me so much, when we could be such great friends in the past..if i had that flaw i had it right from the start..why is it only now that you start to loathe it?

maybe you'll never know how many times i've cried alone about this..but i guess you wont care anyway..the whole thing doesnt seem to matter to you anyway

i'm tired of trying, of hoping, of still believing that there is hope
its too emotionally draining
its too difficult to put up a strong front all the time

i really dont know what to expect anymore
i learn new things about this world all the time
i wish i never had to grow up
i just want to run away from it all..but the reality that i cant just makes everything worse..


i guess i should learn to let go, to move on and leave all this behind

warghhh i ate soo much junk food over the weekend i think the flab over my stomach just grew thicker by 1 cm!! i can feel it already! :x

ONG ENG SIN!! all ur fault la offer so much nonsense to us on the table! haha u die oredy im gonna tell ur brother everything!! u two are seriously damn funny..nway i really wish we could just go visit u everyday and slack the day away..and we'll secretly throw BEAR away one of these days!! muahahahaha ok i feel evil..haha..just very funny to see ur reaction..

nway i was looking for pics of auroras online damn nice! too bad i dunno how to upload them here..i think it'd be an experience of a lifetime if i could go see it for myself! it really looks so magical..

haha ok i shall stop finding more excuses to slack..like now..byebye!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUKIT!! eh sorry YU KIT
haha see i remembered the space in your name! :D


if only everything now could be as simple and innocent as they were in the past..
i would never grow up then..
is that good or bad?

wouldnt it be nice if the happy moments in our life could be recorded in some tangible form? then we'd be able to look back on them clearly, without having to search through our memory..as we get older, even the memories which were once so vivid and evoking start to fade and become vague and unclear..and the sweet, lingering feeling of happiness that comes with those memories starts to disappear too..

i hope i dont ever have to regret anything that i have done or will do..regret is really the worst feeling in the world to have..cos most of the time there's nothing we can do about it but let the feeling just fade away with time..i hope even more that when i look back on my past days of my life in future, there'll be no phase i'd particularly want to block out..cos it'll mean i didnt live my life the way i wanted to, according to my own principles and expectations..haiz but i know it's impossible to hope like this anyway..i'm not perfect..i'll definitely do things i know im not supposed to..things that let others and myself down..

i think as i grow older, even my principles change..i experience more things that change my perception of life, of people..i learn new ways of dealing with old problems..and sometimes, indifference is really the best policy..though i never used to like indifferent people, cos i didnt see the point in behaving coolly and coldly..it's sad that im becoming one myself..

that is why i really cant decide for myself if im doing the right things or not..but then, who knows what will happen next and who is to judge what is correct? i've learnt that human relations are the most unpredictable in this world..there's never one fixed, correct way to go about dealing with it..maybe i shouldnt be thinking so much in the first place..i cant help but think that thinking too much makes me a complex person..but i cant help it too..

i shall just take things one step at a time then..

shall go watch the last episode of my 7 o'clock show now! :)

cycling at ubin is fun! and uplifting too...
hope my mosquito bites dont itch tmr though..haha


i'll try my best to make it!

i think for a friendship to work it takes both to care enough about it
i've learnt not to expect too much
but i thought that its natural to do so
maybe we're just not that close anymore
after all these, will we still keep in touch?
or go our separate ways with only memories to cling on to

i know so many things will change..
i'm quite resistant to change acually..so i still feel my life has been quite peaceful..
i dont know how things will be like
but there's not much point thinking so far also..not that i can do much about it
i may promise myself to do many things now..but i think promises to yourself are the easiest to break and forget..just like new year resolutions..they seem to give a kind of direction to our lives initially..but after a while we tend to lose focus and i just live my life one day at a time..its good in a way because i dont get worried unnecessarily about the future, but then its all because im lazy to think so far and i also end up worrying about much more trivial stuff..

back to promises to myself..i think i forget them easily because i know it'll not really make much of a difference to anyone else's life..and no one will know if i break them at all..and i think constantly trying to reevaluate myself and my life is too tiring and i dont get anywhere from there too..i think i have so many flaws that not many know about..does that make me a scary person?

yz was telling me that day about ppl being deep and scheming and doing things which just put others off unknowingly..but i was thinking..arent these ppl the shallow people? who do simply what their mind tells them to..not caring about what other people think of them..then if i think negative thoughts but dont actually put any of them into action does that make me an even more scary and 'deep' person in that sense?

i think im too concerned over not offending anyone that i dont really open my heart to most people..i restrict what i say most of the time..cos i feel many people are still in the process of judging me..that they're not ready to accept me totally for who i am and whatever flaws i have..nway i feel that being concerned like this is in itself a flaw too..but i can never know the perfect way of being a human being too..the perfect way of doing things or thinking..

bleah im back to reevaluating my actions again im just contradicting myself
ok i dont even know the point of this whole post actually

nway to kwa, yunhua, tyz, yk etc who tagged, hello! haha though i see u all everyday la..except kwa! sorry even i cant reply on my own tagboard too haha..all yunhua's fault! help me set up this lousy tagboard! hahahahah :p

haha yay! my hotmail's finally upgraded to 250mb..up til ytd it was only 2 mb and it was ALWAYS full! then everyone else said they had 250mb..then i was wondering why they neglected my account..haha so after yrs of procrastinating i finally wrote to them and told them bout my problem! haha and guess wad! it was all because i set my location under my profile to afghanistan la! n apparently it'n not a country which supports the upgrading of the storage space or sth..haha..so it was my own fault all along..but very good! at least i dont have to delete my emails painfully now!

ahh chapteh's so fun! all of us should play more often! but i think im quite lousy all my muscles are aching now..haha i dont even get muscle aches from pe..so it shows that chapteh is more physically demanding so we should all play chapteh for pe! and not those fitness management stuff!

yay im finally in the mood to blog again though i dunno what to write also
but must faster write while the happiness stays! :)

getting something that was almost once lost back can really make me happy
it just makes me appreciate it more
but that is bad..does that mean i have to keep almost losing things before i can really start to cherish them? and i think i'll slowly start forgetting to cherish them once things go back to their normal pace too..haiss

but anyway, this is supposed to be a happy post!
i'm happy today!
it's been so long since i last felt that everything in my life is going smoothly
nothing worth worrying or being sad about at all
ok maybe my imperfections, but that's another matter..something i can control anyway

haha kbox was fun!! my first time..haha and time just flew by like that..but friday was a really really nice day..haha we were at least slightly more hip and happening for once right! :p and it was so fulfilling going to suntec! though i hardly ever go there..cos i was reading bout some art exhibition in the papers that morning..then i was thinking it'd be nice if i could go see..budden i never go see such stuff..then when we reached suntec and roamed about for quite a while just trying to find an eatery (haha!) i realized that the exhibition was actually THERE!! then i was so happy..but i couldnt find that art piece they featured in the newspapers though...and i was very impressed by these 2 pieces of art made out of paper cuttings!! it was really very intricate lor..i dunno how they cut until so xi..like those kind of cards they have to use laser to cut out the design one..haha ok i think all these sound very boring..

then later kwa came! our saviour and guide! haha i think if not we'll spend another hour finding the kbox or sth..and she brought some discount card along too!

nway, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ZHIXIAN!! hope you had a nice one...

:( i feel like im teething i wanna bite someone!!

seeing all of you again was like the highlight of my whole week

school's getting dreadful

i've refrained from blogging so many times this week cos i know it'll all be negative stuff nway

i miss nanyang so much. if only everything now could be as simple as they were in the past..

perception
is such an all-encompassing word

ok sorry i guess i was being oversensitive as usual..but im glad i had the chance to talk things out..though i really never expected myself to even come close to letting it all out..

i really dont wanna be like this, but i cant help but get affected easily..guess its just in my nature.. :( haiz

and to xiaogui! cheer up! stop thinking u're lousy cos u're really NOT! and ur 'latest phenomenon' of twitching cheeks damn funny la..anyway i was listening to the radio just now and some guy said that twitching parts of your body like ur eyelids or fingers etc. are a sign of stress! so just relax and dont be so nervous la! the world's not out to judge us..and the worst thing about you is that the more u start reflecting about such stuff the worse you feel, and you develop misconceptions about yourself which aren't true at all! must be happy k? you still have us no matter wad! :)

haha binbin tagged me..cliched stuff as usual!

Rules: Tagged person must come up with 8 points about his/her perfect lover.... must include the gender of ur lover...

anyway, binbin! sorry i'm not gonna do it properly la..haha..aiya think the most basic thing is for him to have good morals and be nice to me can oredy..of cos must love me too!

haha which reminds me of that cards thing zit was doing for me to predict the qualities of my future husband..haha it showed that he doesnt love me!!! warghhhh so sad right

haha ok i think i sound damn bimbotic talking about such stuff i shall stop it!


dinner yesterday was nice as usual..so happy binbin finally agreed to meet us again! haha! sorry i didnt go early enough to study wif u at ny lib..i would love to go in again but i dont wanna get stared at! and to ouou! please dont eat some spicy tomyam noodles if u cant take the spice la!! so LOSER lorrr hehe..and i noticed a stark difference between hc and rj again..when we went in ytd, it was quite dark and late oredy, but it was still full of activity..ppl training for netball, the huang cheng ppl all having dinner together..xiaogui's junior even offered us pizza! haha too bad we were too full oredy..ya it was just warm and homely la..ppl staying back not for academic purposes..in rj during this hour, ppl would most probably either be mugging in the canteen or in the library..there's no mass activity to bond the people together..even hc's canteen which had birdshit on the tables seemed more romantic..haha! but rj is still nice for me la cos i think my class is nice..at least i have ppl like yk and zhixian to stay back wif me just for fun..to mug together in class or just stone around..i think it'd be scary if i were in a class whose ppl would just zao home or off for cca or sth..then i can imagine myself alone in the classroom still packing my bag with no one else around anymore..think 3m is somewhat like 4/9..apart from the fact that there are guys now la..cos i find the ppl nice on the whole..and there's not really an outcast or whatever, which i think really sucks..

haha ok i dunno where im heading towards..just felt my life is quite blessed.. :)

why cant i just be more mature about things?


i think being nonchalant and detached is good.

i realized being productive makes me very happy! cos i spend the rest of the day feeling proud of myself! hahaa...i think this must be the most productive weekend so far in jc..i actually touched the tutorials of all 4 subjects! haha ok..tyz's gonna say im showing off again..but i dont care! im still very proud of myself..so im just slacking now..

nway i took a video of rainbow and sunshine today! nothing special though..haha i wanna upload it here leh but i dunno how to! :( yunhua or yk teach me!

and i wanna say that xiaogui's parents are really really nice..one of the nicest friend's parents i've ever seen..

and to binbin, i really hope you wont be so stressed anymore..everything will be fine eventually one! :) we'll always be here for you.. :)

haha actually i have nothing to write..tyz asked me to post one.. bleah

hmmm the past week has been extremely emotional for me..i think im a very weak person..when something happens, im actually at a loss at what to do most of the time..im not even sure if what im doing is correct at all..i think i let my emotions control and run my actions too much..that i just cant think rationally sometimes..

im so glad things are ok now..its like a renewal of some sort i guess..at least i feel this way..at least this whole affair gave me the opportunity to reevaluate myself, my life and get me out of just simply wandering through life..out of not understanding myself anymore..

still, i feel i dont deserve to get things going my way all the time..it makes me feel selfish..that i only feel happy when my life is going well..i've cared too much about myself that im not fit to have such a happy life..

i wanna be a better person!


thank you zhixian for the nice long phonecall we had..it really really made me feel better.. :) you're a really great friend! caring so much even though it doesnt concern you at all.. love ya! :)

was in a good mood today so i was super productive! the most i ever been this whole yr i think..did my chem n bio tutorial! hehe..even though i took a 3 hr nap in between..

i think its really really true that you never realize the worth of something until you're close to losing it.. :(

i think i deserve to be friendless
i hate it when i become someone i don't even know, someone i hate myself to be
and the worse thing is i cant get out of that mood
sometimes i feel im less and less able to control my emotions and mood nowadays..
maybe i'll become some madman one day..
i really felt crazy the day before piano exam..it was not so much of stress..just being confused..but dunno over what also! was just very luan..and i hate it when im moody cos i start to lose myself..

piano exam sucked :( the examiner was nice though..but its over nway! :)



nway, im really really sorry for all the mood swings...

hehe i finally saw rainbow and sunshine kiss this morning! so cute lor..my mummy has been telling me about it but i never got to see it for myself..rainbow was on the box..then she was like reaching out as far as she could, then she tilted her head to one side and her beak was open..then at first sunshine just daoed her..like look at her then look away..budden finally they 'locked' beaks! haha damn cute!! and rainbow just laid two more eggs! dont think they're fertilized though..

and i was quite happy cos i suddenly felt that my mind was clear for once on the bus today..budden i started dreaming and i actually missed the stop! argh..then had to walk back all the way to the previous bus stop..haiss..and come home so early for once also no use..cos i slept my entire afternoon away! argh..

the weather was nice and sunny today..but being alone and walking under the sun sumhow just gets me into a reflective mood.. :(

im seriously gonna die for my piano exam..the more i play the more demoralized i get! cant wait for it to be over though i dont want it to come too!

haiz i dont even know what my priorities in life are anymore..

being with you all is so nice cos i can just be totally myself..even if im moody or wad it doesnt matter cos i know none of you will judge me anymore.. :) we may be the most uncool clique in the world but what's most important is how we enjoy one another's company and what bonds us together is not being cool together but being there for each other when the time comes.. i'm so thankful for all of you really! :D

auntie warsi's birthday today..wonder if she still remembers me..i wanna wish her but i dunno how to contact her! so sad she still used to call us just 2 years ago..i really miss her a lot! i couldnt really appreciate it in the past when i was young, but now i know how noble she was to have bought christmas presents for kimberly and me with her own money which she so painstakingly earned..and all the other small things..like buying this jelly thing for me cos she knew i liked it..

people just come and go in our lives..i wonder how many will actually stay on with me for life..

:( i realized its been my fault all along..i always thought i was somebody who'd always do the right stuff about friendships..like cherishing them and being thankful for them..but im wrong!! i was so stupid and irresponsible to always push the blame to other people when a friendship doesnt hold out..cos the problem lies with me..i let a barrier of awkwardness form so easily in my mind..i always say i don't keep in touch with some of my old friends cos im afraid of the awkwardness..but actually i may be the only one feeling it..but in the end the friendship suffers cos i naturally distance myself from those friends and there's a huge part of me i hide away when we finally do get to talk and update one another a little on our lives respectively..im also just lazy to go explain things right from the start, all over again, to each old friend that i speak to..

so its just me all along..

hmmm..haiz but the fact that both of us have gone on so well with our lives without the inclusion of each other shows that the friendship didnt matter that much to either of us..if not we would have done something at least to save it.. :(

now when i sometimes feel like calling up my old friends, im not even sure if they're interested in the first place to catch up with me..not that my life is very much worth knowing about anyway..i dont wanna seem like a nuisance too..

played chapteh again today! so fun..but i always feel damn lousy when playing with a group of guys..though they're v tolerant towards my lousiness..hmm always get the feeling they'd rather me not play..cos im so lousy! :( but yk and zx's always playing cards nowadays! no one to play chapteh wif me..

haha but the yk's dunno wad slap jack game very exciting! can play next time too! :)

haha binbin came over today! she was supposed to wake me up at 430 for me to practise my piano and go for piano at 5! but both of us fell asleep and slept till 515! haha so i was late for piano again..why do i always feel so sleepy before piano??

dinner today was nice! :)

haiz i think i take too many things for granted..things and people that i'll really regret not cherishing until they're no longer around..but life just goes on in such a monotonous fashion that i often forget to be thankful..haiz i need somebody to remind and scold me constantly! i really hate myself sometimes..

i feel tired so easily nowadays that i find it difficult to focus my thoughts! everything seems a blur when i try to think at all..im just like wandering through life..and my dreams are always so real that i often mix what happened in my dreams with actual events that occur in my life! ahh im dead oredy..i wanna be clearer about everything..i feel like im de guo qie guoing..it really makes me feel quite helpless at times leh.. :(

maybe i really have learnt the skill of detachment (if u all read tuesdays with morrie)..like being able to make urself not think about something cos u already know the feeling (most probably a negative one) thinking about it will give u..so u choose to not delve deep into those memories at all..though sometimes, going back to those memories, feeling sad once in a while, all over again, makes you feel more human, and rekindles those feelings which would otherwise just slowly diminish cos there're no more opportunities to feel that way and forge more memories again...

i miss my childhood so much!

i remember on chinese new year's eve in the past, we would all bring along new pyjamas to gong gong's hse..then we'd bathe and all of us would change into new pyjamas!

or how kimberly and i would go into ahbok's or pohpoh's room and count our angbao money together..hehe..im not even interested how many hongbaos i get now..i dont specially like money..but i dont like to waste it either..

and how cheryl, marcus, zoey and me would carry those battery-operated lanterns together on mid-autumn festival..those wif the ahlian music playing one..i remember gong gong gave us all this nice, beaded lantern on one of the years..i dont know where it is now..haiz..i used to keep it!

how we wouldnt mind just sitting there in gonggong's hse arranging uno stacko pieces in a pattern then creating some domino game while the adults played mahjong..then i'd go over to pohpoh's hse where kimberly would be waiting for me..and when auntie warsi was still around..i miss her soooo much! i remember i wrote her this long letter..and i was crying while i wrote it..i brought it all the way to the airport but forgot to give it to her in the end! so its still in my drawer..haha..yupp but i din really enjoy having to greet all my grandmother's friends whom i din even know..just to act like that guai, well-mannered girl..

and most of all, how kimberly and i used to quarrel so much! its unbelieveable la..all the spiteful things i used to say that i cant believe could actually come out of my mouth..but we're all much more mature now..but i really miss how we'd play five stones, zero point (even at the bus stop and during lunch!), all the funny board games...ooh and how i lost dunno how many thousands to u in monopoly..it traumatized me till now! hahah so i don enjoy the game anymore..all ur fault! haha..all the funny things we used to do..its really nv ending la..picking pebbles from the AIA near ur changi house..bathing together using ur funny timotei shampoo at east coast..all our role playing when i'd be the maid!!! haha..ahhhh i really miss our childhood so much..ooh! and all the 'nice feeling' dunno wad spa service in maingoh's room! hahaha damn funny la that one..and our anamaniacs game!! i remember i even scratched u once in a struggle cos both of us wanted to play different games..and LOADRUNNER! ahhh okok i shall stop here..im getting too sentimental oredy..haha

yayy yesterday was so nice! had class breakfast first then met up wif kwa, ouou, bin and xiaogui..then later yiyou n huiyan came along! soo glad everyone's still the same..watched geisha..very nice..i like easy to understand shows..haha..the little girl's soo pretty! and she really looks like a young version of zhang ziyi! n i finally know what a geisha is..haha..i always tot they were transvestites! haha! but i think the show's those kind got quality one..not like those chic flicks...

nway i felt so bad..cos actually all of us bought tickets from one row..supposedly some couples' row or sth..haha..then huiyan had to sit alone..so yiyou went to join her..then this man kana sit beside me..but i think he's a smoker! so i couldnt really stand the smell..occasionally when the whiffs of the smell came along i would just cover my nose..but i tried to make it not so obvious oredy..then i think the man realized leh! then he left halfway through the show! feel so bad...haiz..

waited damn long for the 171! was quite pissed at how long actually..at least 20 min lor..then when it finally came it was damn crowded..so xiaogui and i had to stand near the stairs there..then there was this couple behind me..and occasionally the guy leaned back..against me..and i felt v uncomfortable cos i couldnt really lean forward to move away cos i'd block the bus uncle's view of the side mirror..and he already scolded me a few times for blocking him..so everytime that guy leaned back i would kinda turn slightly to look at them..then i think the girlfriend was bitching bout me later! argh..i dunno la..i couldnt stand it oredy la..the whole journey was so unbearable..so i just go off at coro and waited for another bus even though i din have to change bus..haha..stupid bus journey spoiled my mood la..was actually quite happy after meeting kwa they all one lor..

sats today! wah its like 4 hrs can! was damn sian halfway oredy..but so happy its over!

so relaxed now..finally its the hols again! and i havent been living up to my new yr resolution of not procrastinating anymore..haiz..okok by the end of cny i would have cleared my file and finished any outstanding tutorials! i hope...

reunion dinner later! yay! i always like family gatherings...for my paternal side i think i just enjoy the lively company of my aunties and uncles..they're all v friendly ppl..for my maternal side i think its more of meeting up wif kimberly! :)) i wanna see spot! hehe..

after some time when the feelings of helplessness and the pain of loss fade away, you cant help but wonder how much of the memories will actually last after a few more years..i think i'd rather feel sad than let some memories fade to the back of my mind, when even photos cant really evoke emotions to relive those memories anymore..i dont wanna ever forget you..i miss you so much..

i feel im slowly losing myself
i don't know who i am anymore

i cant define what kind of person i am
have i changed?

haiss i cant stand irresponsible people
its not how big the mistake was; its the principles behind being able to admit it
i don't know
i just feel there's a limit to how far a prank goes and how far one's frivolous ways can go
i cant see why some people just dont know when to be serious and when not to be
life's not a game anyway

sorry im just quite pissed off today
by selfish and irresponsible people
who only think about themselves and having fun
who don't bother about bearing any consequences

i know its easier to just let it go
and make peace with myself and those people
but i just cant
not when they're being so adamant about it

i hope i can be free of all these negative emotions by tomorrow
i don't know why im so affected in the first place
if there're no consequences to our actions at all
i would really want to confront them
but its not worth it anyway
you just reinforced whatever negative opinion i had of you

argh ok stop it stop it stop bitching
sorry im just very disappointed and needed to vent my frustration

yay orientation's finally over! damn relieved really..never planned such a large scale event before..but i must admit i prefer planning to execution..haha..nway im lazy to recount wad happened yesterday so go read ouou's blog if u wanna know! hahaha...thanks to all odacians! n yk, zhixian n yh for accompanying me to borrow logs! hahaha so fun playing badminton and frisbee inside the PE room! n sorry zhixian for chickening out right before ur bio s lecture! hahahah too many people!

i've been sleeping a lot! and its a bad thing cos i kinda conditioned myself into thinking that sleeping is good..so i sleep EXCESSIVELY nowadays..like ytd i came back..slept from around 4 to 9! haha who ever takes FIVE hour naps?!?! n at night i slept from 2 plus to 12! hahahha shit la..waste my whole morning away..

im not scared of the cold..but i guess i prefer feeling warm..and nowadays i dont switch on the air con at all..not even the fan! so i sleep in a stuffy, enclosed room with the windows and doors all closed till the next morning..n i dont find it hot at all! haha nvm la help to save on the electrical bill..

haiss haven met bin they all for a week! :( next week must meet k! we shall go kap on fri as usual n go to JE lib or xiaogui's hse to mug on sun! yayy so nice..

ok im being very slack but i really dowan to get down to doing my hw..

haha when its not raining,
i like to stare longer at the sky and at the orange rays reflecting off the white walls..
and then i'll imagine how different the sky and the walls would look like on a rainy day..
grey, wet, dull, dark and gloomy
and i'll be even more thankful at that moment itself that its NOT raining! :)

i really cant understand how people can like rainy days at all..

haha today was fun! we should get a frisbee for ourselves! we're getting proer and more graceful!

think i shant come online so often anymore..seriously killing my eyes..they get tired very easily now..and it makes me sleepy! im getting astigmatism! there's shadows when i look at the computer screen leh..or is it cataract?

its friday the thirteenth anyway! ok did i spell thirteenth wrongly again? it looks unfamiliar again..and ouou nearly got flashed at! omgg

wish me luck for tomorrow! really hope it doesnt rain! like today...

nostalgia

shit i really miss ny a lot..
how i wish i could just roam around the school in my ny uniform again...
haha though i dunno where my mummy put all of them..sigh..

going back into the guides room was so nostalgic!
i really didnt want to leave..
but had to in case ms ong started suspecting why im taking so long to get a few compasses..
i opened the cupboard..saw our batch's pga file..and i really cant imagine myself doing a proposal like the one i did then anymore..i kinda lost all my willpower to think hard for a long period..and the enthusiasm to perfect what i do..im just getting lazier..perhaps the lack of responsibilities this/last year has made me accustomed to being a slack person..always waiting for instructions and not having to plan anything and such..of cos its more relaxed in a sense..but less fulfilling too..
then i saw all the camp booklets..past and new ones..realized how much i lost touch with guides..i dont even know who's the cl or acl now..wonder if everything's still the same..i feel so old suddenly..like if i was in ny i would think a j2's damn old..but im actually one myself already! i don't even feel any transition at all..i still feel i belong to sec 4..or j1 at least..
i miss selling cookies, baking in the home econs room for all the reasons in the world like teachers day, mothers day, homemakers badge...pioneering sessions, outdoor cooking, long and tiring debriefs, roll call, GUIDES CAMP!! and even testwork! haiz there're just so much more to guides really..never thought i'd miss it so much..never really imagined myself to be this superenthu guide who's damn on and committed to the cca..but i guess i really learnt a lot from it, and forged many memories to look back upon now, that i never thought were events very much worth remembering at that moment itself..ahhh...

I REALLY MISS NANYANG!!! :'(
saw mr chan..haha as usual he was being kiasu and asking us to keep our physics and wadeva subjects files for his son's reference next yr! omg...

tyz and i sat at the bbq bench near the quadrangle to discuss odac after that..and it so reminded me of the pre-olevels period..where we'd stay back almost everyday to study..i remember the kittens too! we were all at a loss as to how to keep them..and the free leftovers from the receptions! hehe..cheapskate!

haha the structure of this entry is horrible! so messy unlike neat me..

i don't even know if i should be feelinig happy or sad..

making empty promises to myself

yk, i fully agree with what you said on ur blog..about things just piling up and forming that barrier between friends..

i realised its no use telling yourself that you'll make sure you sit down with a friend one day, and really catch up on things..because it will never happen..firstly cos things will have become awkward (at least for me cos im a really awkwardness-fearing person) and both parties are not sure how to go about sharing..or how to start..secondly, perhaps, neither of us feel the need to start sharing in the first place because life has been going on as per normal as it has been, without these heart-to-heart talks..that we just dont bother anymore..

its kinda sad..because small talk and superficialities are never things to hold a friendship together..

its been raining everyday..the whole day! it really brings my mood down..
the whole world just looks so grey..

went to sentosa again today..thanks a lot to hulin, janice, wanying, kenny, jeffrey, heidi, azza, jinkai, ngoh, mina for coming down today! at such late notice too..we really appreciate it.. :) hope everything turns out fine next sat! and it MUSN'T rain!! (did i spell musnt correctly? somehow it looks unfamiliar to me..haha)

i was damn sleepy today..maybe not enough sleep but i came home and slept from 5 plus to 9! and im still feeling sleepy and my eyes are perpetually tired these days..i seriously think my astigmatism is worseing! ahh i dont wanna wear specs! let's just keep it this way..n the worst thing about me is that i'll be perfectly able to fall asleep tonight. i should have been born a pig instead right? :s

i realized i've been blogging every night for the past few nights! but it doesnt even feel so..maybe cos i din put much effort into writing la..my entries are very boring anyway..

i was thinking..is it irritating to read someone's blog when that person writes everything is vastly vague terms? you get some meaning out of it but you can never guess what exactly that person is talking about..im guilty of writing like this..aiya its my own blog la..so if i really do irritate anyone then so be it..though i was talking to dawn the other day (still haven seen you yet! but in my impression i keep feeling as if i met up with you during the hols leh..weird) and she was saying if u feel unhappy with anything or anyone, shouldnt you just talk it out with that person, rather than beat around the bush and b**** about it in your blog? i thought that was very true la..cos it has some form of hypocrisy in it i guess..am i being hypocritical?? i really hope not..i think its one of the scariest human trait that can exist..cos its the most dangerous and fake one too..but anyway i just felt that i might feel better by getting it off my chest, rather than go confront people, blow things up, and in the end things become awkward..and what good does that give anyone? only a tense situation and a strained friendship. so i guess its better to just keep things to myself sometimes..talking things out might not even change things ultimately cos i believe people are already treating one another the way they wanted to..if they change just because you told them to, wouldnt that be a little fake? and everyone becomes so conscious of their actions life becomes just so unnatural and unreal.

haha i like reading opinionated blogs, rather than those who merely recount their day's happenings (like mine)..they give me a better perspective on life and expose me to thoughts and concepts that narrow-minded me would never have thought of or about..and i learn more about life and how things work..

and i think i shall stop trying to find a purpose to my life..cos i dont think i'll ever understand it, as long as i dont turn to religion..so there'll never be an answer to that question for me..at least for now la..haha though i still enjoy reading those self-help guides teaching me to be happy! my life is rather satisfactory the way it is already..but i know an inherent flaw in me is to always want more when i get more..ok i guess its human nature..but i think that's not good! i always believe one should be contented with what he or she has..and the thing is, i always cant seem to be! so that's why im reading all these stuff, to teach me how to let go of the inessentials and focus on the essentials instead..its no use to keep telling myself to do it..my small little mind just wanders off and gets affected by minor trivialities and i soon forget everything i preached to myself to take note of..so now im just seeking a way to remember it..

i think having a direction in your life just makes everything seem more fulfilling..you see immediately what's essential and what's not..i still havent found this direction..maybe im too young i dont know..but its making me feel so empty and lost sometimes it just kills my mood.

had class lunch yesterday..freezing food court! anyway, take care, yuensau! snow white! i thought i heard him say he's going back in march! but i was reading mavis' blog and she said monday..haha so soon! n stupid vipul..i never knew my handshake was MACHO! haha!

anyway i've come to a conclusion. your true friends to whom your frienship really matters are those who are genuinely willing and wanting to listen to what you have to say..it might be a little warped..but its an obvious and clearcut way to answering your doubts about friendship..well at least to me..

the superficiality of things
sometimes i just wanna run away from it all
i really do hate doing things just for the sake of doing them
not because i really want to

i wish i could express whatever emotions i feel openly
but i guess i'll just put people off
but i really do find it tiring to suppress what i feel
but then again i dont wanna put people off
though i think im already doing so

i always tell myself i should be happy
and not brood over things
cos they'll just waste precious seconds of my life
and affect my mood for no reason at all
i guess i'm just more idealistic
and have some kind of idea of this perfect life
with higher expectations of everything and everyone
which make me think about things which probably dont affect anyone else at all
i feel so stupid and weak and so easily affected
but what's the point of it all in the first place?

i always thought i could judge people really well
ok maybe at least whether they're being sincere or not
but i'm starting to feel i cant anymore
and its making me feel insecure
i dont know who i can trust
and turn to in times of trouble

maybe i'll see one day..
when i really run into some trouble

watched two movies today! haha...

hotel rwanda was really sad..kinda affected my mood even after the show..i dunno..i just felt it ended on a sad note..wif this sad song sung by children.i can still remember the tune! but it was a good movie la..haha though i dunno wad im supposed to learn bout politics from it!

watched wallace n gromit too! quite nice..and cute..especially the little rabbits! haha quite funny too..but i dunno why i actually dozed off! think i was too sleepy haha..then i was trying to force myself to keep awake cos i din wanna waste money to sleep inside a cinema! haha i missed bits here and there though..but had nice company! :) there was this grp or pair of guys at the other side of the cinema who were practically laughing at EVERYTHING la! haha..n this girl who made comments here and there that the ENTIRE cinema could hear...haha

i think i shant bother anymore
what's the point

its difficult to find a good listener anyway
even if its just listening to crappy comments
everyone's too caught up in their own world and thoughts

yay damn happy can still use back my old number..luckily my mummy's not as swaku as me..i was really quite put off by the idea of having to inform ppl of my new number or sth..haven gotten a new phone yet! borrowed one spare one from my auntie..nokia 1600 i think..haha looks quite nice leh! just that functions a bit sad..wahh i never was so interested in phone models before leh..i always thought i'll stick to my old phone forever

and i feel so stupid..firstly for like begging the thief to return the phone..i used my mummy's phone to sms my number..and today when i put the new sim card into the temporary phone i received my own msg of desperation la! haha so funny..and i feel stupid for actually begging the person..i should have scolded him or sth! haha im assuming the thief is a male..

nway first two days of sch have been nice! at least i don feel that they're somewhat empty..wallace and gromit tmr k! so fun! yayyy..must play our GRACEFUL chapteh too!




i guess life will still go on perfectly as normal without me anyway..
i dont make a difference to anyone at all

haiss why must i start the year like this

sometimes i really hate how careless i can get

maybe its retribution for all the sins i committed this year

it feels terrible when u know something's gone forever

:'(

oh! one more to add to my resolution..to come to sch ON TIME! i don have to be early..but i don wanna be late..i don want to fake thru my attendance oredy..haha

went for boon lay countdown ytd..hmm somehome din really feel the atmosphere..cos i couldnt hear the number they were all shouting! i din noe they were shouting in chinese la..by the time i heard the number it was at 4 oredy..then so sudden n everything..i dunno..just felt like it was another day gone by..quite sad rite..but it was nice to have been able to spend it wif my close frens! plus charmaine, yingying n vizanne too!

i don expect 2006 to be eventful..i just hope its peaceful..

may everyone to stay happy n healthy too..


as the days go by..

thank you my dears! :)

haha this is 2 days late..but i still wanna thank EVERYONE who made my birthday so special and sweet for me!!! ok i'll try naming people really hope i don forget anyone..

thanks to kwa, xiaogui, liow, bin, ouou, yk n zhixian for coming over! i tell u never before did i sing karaoke wif my frens on my bday! in my hse summore! hahaha..hope u all had fun..so happy cos i was really scared u all will be bored in my boring house..haha n we taught ouou, bin and xiaogui how to play bridge! yayy so we can play next time le! :)))

n thanks for all the presents..like wad kwa said, i feel u all still noe me so well..my taste n my likings! zhixian n yk too! omg i cant believe u all spent so long trying to find sth for me la! but i really like e pencil case n tshirt! i like colourful stuff! hahaha

n yk! i must mention here again bout ur beautiful hand-made card! im really really touched by it! even my parents said it would have taken a long time to make..n its so cheem to make la! only smart you knows how to use 3D TRIGO rite!! haha damn funny la! i've been admiring how the words can pop up even up till now! love ya dear!

haha i noe my parents wont read this, but im really grateful for wad they have done for me..my mummy spent the whole day cooking! n my daddy so funny! he came back from work wif this chinese karaoke vcd..but inside the songs we all dunno how to sing one..hais so wasted..n im grateful to them for painstakingly having brought me up these 17 yrs (haha! im so OLD oredy...haiss)..yup i shall be a filial daughter! :)

n to all those who smsed me..thanks for remembering!! it really means a lot to me..that all of u haven forgotten me even though we haven met for so long..

Thanks to kimberlyyy, charmaine, xiaohua (if only u could come too!), rachel, kitty!, caiqing (thanks for remembering all these yrs really..), mavis, lalawee, hulin, hanhooo, shifu, zikai (happy bday to u too!), vera, charlene chua, maryann, clarabella, zit, angchieh, jing xiu, jennifer ah bok n marianne ah bok, n pohpoh! love yall! :)

haiss this will be the last entry of this year! 2005 was a very fast yr..for everyone i guess..hope next yr will be just as eventful..hope jc2 will gimme lotsa nice memories to look back upon next time! :) my new yr resolution is to be a better person..more helpful..less calculative..a better fren n a more filial daughter..to stop procrastinating n to learn to count my blessings and be thankful for wad i have..yupp! so if any of u hear me complaining bout life just scold me n remind me of my resolution k! :)

okok better go do my gp essay! been dragging it since dunno when..haha