life is beautiful

i've become the biggest procrastinator in the world. somehow i've lost the motivation to work hard and push myself, for anything..have i run out of stamina?

it's sad how humans like to focus and brood on their problems out of self-centredness and fail to realise that being alive every day is the greatest blessing of all..i'm so guilty of that myself..while i was in europe i did enjoy myself of course, but when the walking got a bit too much, or when the weather got too cold, i'd wish i was sitting and resting in some warm place indoors..but when i think back now, i miss walking in the cold, i miss every single scenery and moment i spent like that with my family..and so much wanna turn back time, and indulge in those moments a little longer, a little deeper. but even though i realise these things now, the next time i go on a holiday or enjoy anything else that is a luxury, i know i will never be able to appreciate that future moment to the fullest..its just human nature to always see the less positive aspects of things, even as we know we are surrounded by so much more good at the same time..the saying that one never realises the value of something until its gone is cliche but so true..i love my family :)

saw something which disturbed me a little, but i guess i've grown to become a little less immature and emotional, and have learnt to take things in my stride..glad i recovered so quickly :)

'pastel reflections' playing in the background is making me all pensive now hmm

i miss some people alot

glad i have some people around me

which leads me to wanna share about my beloved soo pei! first she kindly accompanied me to the lot 1 ntuc to get some stuff..and then she did something super sweet which made me super touched :) her bus had just arrived while we were walking towards our respective berths at the bus interchange..at the same time, there was a bus at my berth, but we couldn't see what number it was cos it was further away..so soopei boarded her 190 first while i walked towards that bus, only to realise it was my bus after it was driving off! i didn't rush to check wad my bus was cos short-sighted soo pei told me it was another bus (hehe)..so later i called her to tell her it was my bus after all! haha..just out of exasperation for missing my bus..i started to take out my article to read when suddenly i felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a 'boo!'..my sweet soopei had actually alighted from her bus after one stop and walked back just to pei me to wait for my bus!! such a silly girl right!! but its just like soopei to put others before herself :) i think if i were a guy i'll like her! hehehe

even though we may lose some things as we all get older, we gain others along the way :)

i wanted to share a nice moment i experienced on the bus the other day..basically my mummy had asked me to buy some groceries..and given the messy me, i just had so many things in my hands, held haphazardly as i boarded the bus, in a bid to rush onto my long awaited 178 without leaving anything behind..and given the lazy me, i didn't file my notes into separate folders but simply stacked them beneath the cover of my file..as i got to my seat, while i attempted to look into my ntuc bag to ensure my bread wasn't crushes by the cans of condensed milk, MY WHOLE STACK OF (UNSTAPLED) NOTES SLIPPED OUT OF MY FILE AND SPILLED ALL OVER THE FLOOR! i was so argh cos i was irritated with all the nonsense in my hands and paiseh cos the surface area my notes covered was so huge! haha..(i sound so drama!) but anyway, what made my day was really the helpfulness of everyone around..two middle-aged guys immediately bent down to gather my notes and passed it to me after that, while the lady on the seat beside mine (whom i thought looked unfriendly at first) helped to hold on to my stuff on the seat to prevent them from falling off..what started off as an embarrassing moment turned out to be one which made me see the goodness in people, however small their acts of kindness might have been :)

on a sadder note, i feel this ache in my heart whenever i see this old man on his wheelchair at the swimming pool downstairs..he's not exactly old i think, at least he doesn't look so..my guess would be 60 plus? but he looks like he had a stroke, but he looks aware of what's happening around him, but resigned to this fate of not being able to move about on his own..his maid brings him down to the poolside everyday (which is good cos he's not cooped up at home) but she simply leaves him there to sit while she chats with other maids..and i feel indignant about it! i know i have no right to cos i'm not doing anything for the old man myself and i'm not aware of wadever family arrangements they had as to how to take care of him, but i just feel sorry for him..he sits with his head drooped down, probably out of tiredness, and somewhat facing his maid who's nonchalantly in conversations with other people..i wonder what he must be feeling..does he feel helpless? miserable that the only way he spends his day is to sit on the wheelchair like this? i once saw him practise using the walker..which heartened me..cos he could walk! and i felt hopeful for him..but ever since, i never saw him using it again..i wish his maid could bring him for more of such therapeutic walks..

and on another separate, but happier note:

finally met up with steph! together with kwa..it's been a really long time since the three of us got together like that..and it was heartwarming for me..our paths may now be rather different, each of us in different schools, but being together still gave me that sense of familiarity and security..that we could just be ourselves once again..that transported me back to those days where we'll store all our heavy textbooks in those A4 boxes under our tables we'd get from the photocopying room (not cos we were muggers like everyone else thought but cos we were lazy to carry those books to and fro!), where we called ourselves the powerpuff girls (haha! omg), where we (ok maybe only liow and me as kwa would furiously deny) collected our apple-aloe vera juice bottles in the drawer at the back of the classroom (to the wrath of yanzhen who was on 'cleaning drawers' duty those weeks and found a trail of ants leading to our bottles hehe!), where we did leg raisers to train our (almost non-existent, except for superwoman kwa) abs during lessons, where we kept talking and making so much noise that anna fu scolded us (yes, the us which comprised her favourite student, kwa!)..where we forged deep friendships i hold dearly till this day..i love these two people!

to end off, here's a question i've been pondering about- how do bus drivers get to work, if they don't stay within walking distance to an mrt, or if the bus interchange is not beside an mrt? or for that matter, how do mrt drivers get to work? who's there to drive the very first buses?

hehe pardon my randomness :p

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :)

it's a new year once again

it's the beginning of yet another year, a good time to give oneself the opportunity, or excuse, to start things on a clean slate, hopefully..forget about all the bad memories, let go of any grudges, forgive those who've hurt us, and most of all, seek to be a better person!

that's what i seek to do each time, but somehow, i still end the year with quite a number of regrets..mostly about how i could be a better person and to deal with issues more maturely..and also about how i always am too caught up with my own life and never seem to be able to properly cherish the people who mean the most to me..

so, i will try harder this time, and hopefully, end the year with no (or less) regrets! :) i wish for broken friendships to be mended, current friendships to be maintained or even made stronger..but i guess i still can't impose my expectations onto every friendship that i have, cos it makes me an angry and calculative person..i'm gonna make the effort to have better control over my emotions, and to be a more gracious person, to forgive and forget, to put unhappy memories behind me and to never brood on them again..

i'm still glad for the true friends that i have now, however few they may be..i realised that many people, after all, are but passing footprints in our lives, whose lives are unlikely to intersect with mine again after circumstances don't hold us together anymore..but i guess that's something we all have to accept..what's most important is that i don't let those who really matter to me gradually slip out of my life! :)

had a wonderful time in europe, made beautiful by the presence of my loved ones..i wanna earn more money in future to take my parents on holidays to places they've never been to before! hope i'm blessed with the chance to.. :)

have a meaningful 2009, everyone! :)