count my blessings, one by one

hmm i have no lessons today! its a really nice feeling :) and i slept at 12 plus last night! the earliest i've slept in so so long..i dunno if its the hall culture or simply uni life..but even at unearthly hours of 2 plus in the morning, i still see people walking about in the hall! hahaha..

hmm im trying hard to forgive but i still feel this tinge of anger whenever i think of the tuition father..i actually shouted at him over the phone la..he's the most cunning man i've ever known! first he doesnt wanna pay me for the extra hours he made me go for cos he says he doesnt have it in his records, second he wants me to give him special rates..like instead of 3 hrs at a fixed cost per hour, he wants me to charge sth like for only 2 and a half hours! when i was telling my daddy he was very angry and he brought up a very good point- that im not trying to make a business! going for 3 hrs instead of 2 hrs each time is really a chore for me cos i i hardly have time for a proper dinner and i really have lotsa school work and 1 hr does make a lot of difference especially im piaing my projects! and the stupid guy even made it seem like he was the one being compromised cos i din wanna give him the special rate! and i bet its cos of that he doesnt wanna pay me the extra hours i went for last month! hello its not as though im INVITING u to ask me to give more tuition..you're the one who requested for it and being the nice person i am, i obliged cos i knew you were worried about ur kids' exams even though i really had trouble juggling my own schoolwork oredy! and ytd over the phone he could even say, "aiya i'll just give it (the extra money) to you la, since you keep harping on it". HELLO! now it seems as though I'M the despo one BEGGING him for his money! wah i was freaking pissed when i heard it and i shouted back {"FORGET IT LA OK JUST FORGET IT!". i'm usually damn polite to him one..but ytd i really lost my cool and i just felt like punhcing him! especially after all my discoveries after talking to my daddy who can see almost immediately the cunning man was always trying to take advantage of me cos im young and probably dont really noe the runnings of this world which is true la. but now im much more wary and i've learnt my lesson that we have to draw an exctremely clear line when it comes to money matters..usually i'll be very paiseh to ask for tuition pay and i'll usually not say anything until he gives it to me by himself, but now i decided there's no point trying to save my face in front of ppl like that. at first i was still considering if i shd continue next yr..but now its a definite no..i cant bring myself to talk to someone as low down as him anymore! which is a relief for me la..cos tuition really tied me down a lot..every tues and fri i gotta travel all the way from boon lay to holland v..and my whole night is wasted cos i only end around 1030 and after that im too tired to do anything oredy..and in my already very busy life wif currently NO SOCIAL LIFE this is very significant! without the tuitions i could have spent weekends wif zk more productively instead of neglecting him while i did my work all the time! argh..all my sacrifice for his children and this is the treatment i get!

okok feels much better getting everything off my chest! updates on my life..i have no social life as wad i've said..cos of the relentless projects each week..but im so happy after ytd! when my major marketing proj, econs and stats tests were over!! so now i can start studying for my exams proper, and catching up on all my backlog tutorials! hahah i actually feel excited about it! i like studying! and this thurs im going rj wif yk to mug! yayyy im really really looking forward to it lor..i really really miss mugging in rj wif all my friends...and being able to meet other mugging people around the school too! hehe i sound muggerish!

i cant wait for exams to be over man..really...i have some plans!
1. go on holiday wif kimberly! hehe she was the only one who was still willing to go phuket wif me in the end lor! even if it was just zk, me and her! i think such friends/cousins are really rare..cos most ppl wouldnt wanna hang out wif a couple alone..to date i can only think of 3 ppl who are willing to hang out wif zk and me alone..namely vips & mavis (cos both of them are individually close to both of us! :)) and kimberly! hehehe
2. meet up a lot a lot wif kwa, engsin, binbin, steph and yz! wah i really haven seen them in like one month la! so longggggg :( really wanna see them!
3. go for zk's commissioning parade and ball! yayyyy we've been waiting for this day..just a bit more to go dear! boo you're in thailand now! but im gonna buy a calling card to call u! jingxiu says its much cheaper! :D den ur phone bill wont be so high anymore!
4. meet up wif 3m guys! ahh i really miss rj man! sigh don wanna think about it now..the nostalgia is killing me.
5. plan for somewhere nice to go for our birthday! last yr we couldnt spend it together cos i was on the other side of the earth haha..

hmm even though i've not much of a life now..im still really grateful for everything in my life now..apart from that tinge of regret which i know will take some time to go away..

firstly, im thankful for my wonderful parents..they're really the BEST parents in the world..doing everything for me so unconditionally..i really have a vey xing fu life cos of them..even though i sometimes get irritated cos daddy asks relentless questions, i know he's just genuinely concerned about my life..and sometimes he seems more concerned about zk's one than mine! haha! always asking me wad zk's doing in army..and always thinking for my best interests..from small things to giving tuition to bigger things about wad i should choose in my life..and mummy..taking care of even the TINIEST details that i later realise makes my life so complete! buying milk for me to put in my fridge..baking cheesecakes for me..washing my clothes for me..i feel like a princess la! i'll never ever be able to repay my parents one-tenth of wad they've done for me..i'm gonna earn enough to give them a comfortable life next time and i'll be a very very good daughter to them!

next, im grateful for zk..hope this wont sound too mushy..i feel so blessed..as though God was watching over me all the while...from someone i had a crush on..to someone i now love and who loves me back..i feel like the luckiest girl in the world! hehe..you're really the best..in how you never ever get angry wif me..and even when i throw my stupid tantrums you'll not blame me and just assume its ur fault! and how you never ever mind just staying by my side while i do my work the whole weekend..sorry sorry! i'll make it up to u after my exams ok! and i really admire you for your beautiful heart..how u never ever have any evil intentions..how u're genuinely nice to all ur friends, how u feel for them when they're in a worse situation than u..and how u always think so well of all of them! always praising them to the skies..hehehe..and for how u're a filial son in always listening to ur parents..(though u always bully ur sister and make her give u massages!)..thank you dear..for being the best boyfriend in the world..

im really glad that both our parents are so receptive towards our relationship..how staying over at each other's house has become so natural..sometimes even instigated by our parents! hehe..

next i'm happy for having the close friends i have...even though we're all busy now, im glad we still keep in touch thru msn..we must must meet up after exams..and mug together for exams ok! to engsin they all we must mug at JE again ok!! hehehehe babu!! for kwa, steph, enghui, binbin, yz, mavis, vips, yk especially..thank for being there for me all the time :) love u guys..

i'm also blessed to have such nice friends in uni! hehe the girls have formed a group called the berries! and more and more classmates are joining! i think its really cool that kezia and weilin live above me den we can always go find each other and go for lessons together! wif adeline, van and pris who live in the hall beside us! hehe.. i think my classmates are really nice :)

and for jingxiu! hehe u make me actually look forward to going back to hall after lessons..u're really a great roomie :D but we really shouldnt talk so much! hahaha

all in all, i'm a happy girl! just need to have more time outside of school! ok i've wasted so much time blogging..but i feel much better now! i shall go do my stats oredy!

hmm

i feel happy with the wonderful blessings i have in my life now, but i'm not happy with where my life is taking me to..

it's like a void in my heart that can never be filled

i missed my chance, and i'll never get it back again

i just hope this sense of regret won't continue to overwhelm me later on in my career

i miss my past so much..i hate this feeling of nostalgia..it makes me feel so helpless and desperate and empty! i wanna climb mountains with odac all over again, i wanna play chapteh with 3m, i wanna mug together for the A levels with all my good friends till late in school...

argh i don wanna wander on aimlessly anymore!! but i dont seem to have a choice..