i dunno how long it'll take for me to get over this..
laddie i miss you so so so so so much..how i wish i could just hug you one more time..i would nv forget ur last lick in the pet hospital..u looked just like a puppy...so young and adorable..you'll stay in our memories forever..rite kimberly..guess only you can share my pain..

i miss you. and all the times we played together. and that innocent, harmless look in your eyes..

haiss just feeling damn sad

i will miss you always..

just wanna say a very very very extremely big thank you to all of you who were concerned...feel v lucky to have such frens like u guys!! really..3M is a really sweet class i realized...thanks so much dearss..esp ouou,cheesian, xiaohua, yk, jorina, mavis..and anyi n david..u two are really really really sweeett!!! *huggss* sorry for scaring all of u today..haiss guess i cant really handle my emotions well..though i've tried to maintain this hardened image for so long..dunno why too..

haiss im trying so damn hard not to think bout it..with other ppl around i can easily push the thought out of my head. cos i don wanna cry in front of everyone..feel damn malu bout wad happened today..hais..but its terrible when im alone..i dunno wad to think at all!

i guess only time can wash away all the pain..
i will miss you always..

another weird dream

haha i seem to have dreams every night..but now my dreams are slightly different la..at least i'm not exactly being chased..then hafta keep running away..then sometimes will make myself fly to escape..haha but then very difficult to keep myself high above the ground..i'll just keep getting lower and lower..then i'll be so scared the bad ppl underneath me will grab hold of my legs! ahhh..but it reminds me of rainbow! haha..she fly then will get lower and lower one..lousy bird..

ya so nway..i dreamt i had 18 ear holes on each ear! and it din look weird at all lor..like 3 rows of 6 holes on each ear..haha i dreamt i had sooo many studs on both ears! n all the studs were only on the lobes..i dunno..my ear lobe din seem so huge in my dream leh..dunno how it fitted 18 studs..all spaced out summore!!

ok la..watched zhenqing again..damn nice! though xiaoan so irritating! but nway listening to the theme song is damn nostalgic..reminds me of how i used to watch zhenqing EVERYDAY! like sun and mon it would be 2 hrs..then even during exam period i would still watch la..and i was damn sad cos guides camp made me miss the last episode!!! arghhh or was it some holiday?? but i asked kimberly to help me record haha.. i miss chuang shi ji too..the song oso v v nice..nakes me miss auntie warsi..used to watch all the scv shows with her till late at nite..then in pri sch i would stay at pohpoh's hse during the hols..then we'll both sit there and watch the retelecast of the channel 55 shows..ahhhhh..i wanna go back to the past...

haiss

my resolution

haha i haven bathed yet and im back!

decided i needed some direction and goal in life...

shall NOT pon bio lectures anymore..no matter how cold the LT is, whether there are seats left for me or whether the notes are nice to read or not..

shall try to understand stuff taught during the lecture itself and stop giving myself the excuse that i'll just go home and read them..so i can just copy the answers down blindly

can only come online from 1030 onwards..so i shall do work before i come online..(i realized i only do hw during the weekends! shitt)

shall be guai and do hw everyday from 8 to 1015, then bathe at a fixed time from 1015-1030 and not some funny time like 12 plus everydayy (dowan get rheumatism when im old! though i think i'll get it oredyy)

read the newspapers everyday!

do my tys if im free (though i'll nv be according to myself)


basically, just be guai! though i think im guai oredy! haha im not ego k...

hmmm haven blogged in a while..cos nth much to blog about i guess..life has been quite the same..as it always has been..

slept a lot today! woke up at 9 actually..then switched off the aircon and drew the blinds..and went back to slp! haha til 10 30..in my stuffy room with no fan on and all the doors and windows closed..under the blanket too..bleahh..and then i ate breakfast and watched tv till 12 plus..then went onto my bed..was writing my diary halfway when i fell aslp! haha...till 3 plus sighh..n so weird! i had this weird weird dream..which i din really feel was a dream actually..then perhaps cos it was raining outside it was darker and i subconsciously thought it was nighttime oredy..in my dream..haha..many weird weird things la..like i dreamt i was watching the last epi of zhen qing, which was supposed to be my 2nd time in my dream..so i could like predict what would happen next in the show..when in actualy fact the whole last episode was just created by me la! and sumhow i went inside the show haha..then i dreamt i was in some RJ odac bus coming back or going to malaysia..then passed by HC odac bus! haha and saw liow inside..then our bus went on some flyover..so we were higher..then liow spotted me at the back of my bus and scubadived up!! like sumhow we were in water! haha..and there were bubbles and all as she swam up..then like a ghost, she just passed through the bus and got into my bus! haha so weird la...ok so after i woke up it took me some time to realize it was a dream and that it was only 3 plus haha

but i watched the REAL zhenqing after that! haha and it was not the last episodee

went to westmall again on fri..its become a weekly thing! which is good la..and my parents say we're boring ppl! hehe..i dont like changes anyway..

nway lost one side of my earring in sch..and traced my path all over rj to find it..and thankss soo much cheesian! really touched u were willing to walk all over the sch to help me look for it too!! *huggzzz* sigh din find it in e end..haha so changed all to sticks and one earring which looks like a magnet! haha can go around bluffing ppl.. :P and to yk! 2 sticks is better! cos they don drop out that easily..everytime i bathe and wipe my hair, those one stick one always drop out one lorr..and 2 sticks not that thick actually..u shd go try! haha

haisss been telling myself must work harder after getting back cts results!! but i seem more slack!! argh..no motivation to do tutorials at all..but must be guai!! and the worst thing is my parents don give me any pressure at all! i need some scolding! haha..but not bad la..after slacking and sleeping for the whole afternoon, i did my bio tutorial..but din noe how to do quite a bit of the explaining qns..and of cos i left out the essay qns.. :P but that's enough work for me for the weekend! haha cannot..must be more hardworking.. shall aim to do circular motion by tmr..and vectors!! dunno la..think i'd have felt accomplished enough after circular motion..oh ya! got bio test too!! shit but i dunno when it is lehh

n daddy has gout! sobb...luckily its nothing serious la..just went to google it..one of the few times he has admitted sth's painful..(he tries to ach macho for the rest of the times haha) ya! but in a way its a blessing in disguise..deter him from all his unhealthy diet..and BEER especially! been telling him not to drink so much for sooo long! haha n today he asked me to pour a biggg cup of water for him! haha yayy no more beer for him!! :)

been feeling quite sian these few days..like the feeling comes and goes..and usually disappears by the next morning..i don usually feel sian at the start of the day la..but feeling sian is really horrible! cos i don feel like doing anything..so the only thing i can do is to continue feeling sian..sighh and promos cant motivate me to study too! :s sumhow don feel like staying back in sch to study too..used to stay back and do hw in e lib one..but don really noe wad i do after sch nowadays too..

oh! and must report my achievement! haha i ran 4.8km on weddd!! ahhhh tot i would die during the run la...but it was much better than i thought..haha nv ran so much in my life at one go before laaa..but then again..i think im still one of the lousiest in odac.. haha

ok la..this is quite a crappy post i realized..all the stupid things in my life..nth deep or reflective at all..but nvm la..everyone says im full of shit nway..

okie shall go bathe soon!! getting late le..

friday was a nice dayy!! 4/9 gathering..and sheila came along too! but before most of the rest came la..liow and lala came to rj earlier ard 2..n lala was supposed to come as a surprise! haha..so we just sat in the canteen n toked and stoned..until 530..walked over to S11..all of us bought from qiulian ban mian!! haha so funny lor..like advertising for them lidat..i bought my fav meehoonkuey..then like 10 of us squeezed at that mini table..cant even put our arms on the table to eat..haha...there was kwa, liow, bin, xiaogui, tyz, yuna, charlchua, yiyou (so long nv see her le!), ngoh, lala and me! so funn..then we went to take neoprint..since there were so many of us..i haven taken one since ages i think..ya but it was really really nice to just sit down for dinner lidat la..felt so at home all over again..

then later the rest left..then yiyou,bin, xiaogui, ouou and me din feel like going home yet..so we went to mcdonalds to stone!hehe..but i was too full to buy even an icecream..haha..then we all went home! all of us took 156 except ouou..so nice lorr miss taking bus home wif all of them..

oh! n i had this gross dream..maybe ive been thinking bout the blood donation thing too much le..i dreamt i went for it! then this man inserted the needle when i was in some lab..dunno la..my dreams are always incoherent..then the bag to collect my blood was not sealed on top one la..then the man in charge was supposed to monitor when the blood reached the max level..but he din!so my bag was overflowing..n sumhow my blood was accumulating at a dunno wad lightning speed..so to stop the blood flow i just yanked the needle out by myself..haha..but of cos in dreams its not v pain la..i dunno if the dream made me more or less scared for the actual donation..but i guess a bit of pain wont hurt la..its the closest i can get to helping to save lives! hehe..:) though im still a little scared i think..but they said the whole thing's quite short izzit..dunno la..

ok shall stop slacking..v stressed for pw..but dowanna think bout it anymore! but there's so point avoiding it..argh..nvm

finally watched a movie! :)

haha after like dunno how many 1593930405 days, i finally watched another movie la! last one was e incredibles i think..ya i noe im swaku..n i watched the war of the worlds! i like to watch thrillers..though i get scared sometimes..but i find only thrillers are worth the money if u wanna watch a movie in the cinema..

so nway, its quite a good show la..i was like scared throughout the show la..cos they kept running away from those aliens ma..then v xin jin dan tiao one..its the effects la..though the plot is really simple..hmmm now i think of it i dunno wad was scary too..maybe its just exciting i guess...

n there was e nkf show today..i always don find the perfomances meaningful..only those short clips bout real life stories are effective..and really really sadddd...i think most ppl who saw the story bout the 2 children wif cancer would have felt a strong urge to cry..really v ke lian la..it really makes me think how much we ask for in our lives..when we shd already be more than contented to lead lives as healthy beings..for ppl like them they'll be happy wif every day longer they live..why cant life just be as simple?

if i had a choice, i'd rather not study, and be brought up at some kelong or sth..and go to fish everyday wif my parents who would be fishermen..haha..then so carefree and simple..

studying is so tiring..and i seriously don understand why we have to study for so many years..sigh

i miss ny!!

sigh...listening to kevin kern's song..brings such an intense feeling of nostalgia..
songs i listen to always remind me of different periods of my life, cos once i listen to this song or cd i like, i will put it on repeat mode for a few days or weeks..then if i listen to that particular song again i will remember during wad period i listened to it in the past..and during ny's reading period every morning, they used to play nice nice music over the pa system..and i learned that those were kevin kern's songs..not that i really noe who he is la..but haiya, i listen to those songs i just really feel damn sad la..makes me miss ny sooo much..even though i din really use reading period to read books..haha i'll either be slacking, toking to my frens or mugging for some test on that day..sighhh i just miss EVERYTHING bout ny..its the bestest bestest sch i've ever been to..

everything's just not the same anymore.