ahhh i cant wait to start working! i need to keep myself occupied if not im gonna die of boredom..everyone else is busy working i feel like this lazy good-for-nothing who has absolutely NOTHING to do! :(

i guess i have to learn to be more independent..i always thought it was a good trait to have but never really realised its importance up till now..

i think being helpless is the most helpless feeling and is perhaps on par with the feeling of regret..both horrible feelings to have! but the fact that you're helpless shows there's nothing you can do about something or feeling a certain way so i guess we just have to move on..

i knew exactly how i'd be feeling but there was nothing i could do to avoid feeling that way and i think its loserish and stupid and wimpy..why cant i just be a little more independent???

i hope i get used to it soon...

shall take my first step for the sake of my future (which everyone has started on so long ago) and write my CV!

faster come back!! :(

in reply to all the tags...

wenyan! sorry i haven gone to visit you yet! i went to orchard today to meet my friends but i din have time to go find u! are u still working there anyway?!?! bet lazy and unmotivated you quit oredy! haha! haven seen u since prom..how are you doing now? i feel so slack when "hardworking" people like you are working haha..

to vipul and mavis, dont mention! it was just my way of saying thanks for the wonderful friendship you have given me.. :)

to liow, enjoy the work which u hate now! muahaha! :p

anyway, america was not bad..i dunno whether i truly enjoyed myself..because i dunno how to define it either..as in i din feel especially happy or laughed a lot during the trip but i was aware constantly of how lucky and blessed i was to be able to go on such a holiday..i took lotsa lotsa pictures of the beautiful scenery, which was what i was looking forward to..just for keepsake and for me to try and relive those moments when i look back on the photographs next time..but perhaps i was indulged too much in snapping all these moments that i didnt exactly get the time to stay still and enjoy the moment, the scenery as it was..we kept moving on and on and i guess the adults werent that interested to sit by the beach and look out at the sea for hours...

we visited san francisco, monterey, oregon and portland..all relatively close to each other..and most of them had beautiful scenic spots that i wouldnt mind going back to admire again...but this holiday made me even more sure of not wanting to apply to an overseas university..i felt so cut off from the rest of the world..and you lose track of what's happening back at home..even if something happens you wont be able to be there in time as well..so, i shall just study in singapore!

christmas there was really nice..we spent two nights in my uncle's parents house..they're from oregon..and the christmas spirit there is so wonderful! they have so so much decorations all around the house, and on christmas eve one of their friends dressed up as santa claus and visited! and gave me a snowy white santa teddy too! i really enjoyed christmas there..something you'll always read about it books but never really get to experience back in singapore..

i also saw snow for the first time..the lack of sunlight did make the place feel a little gloomy, but the snowy-linen land had a kind of tranquility to it, those i can only admire in christmas cards..so as usual, i took lotsa photos of it haha..

thanks to all of you who remembered my birthday too! :)
it felt a little weird this year..i was confused when my birthday actually was, cos of the time difference..america's 16 hours behind singapore..so i din really feel it was my birthday at all..and i kinda forgot about it until i received smses..maybe i've aged to the stage where you feel ur birthday is not important anymore?? haha...

its the new year already..so fast right...i passed by nj on the bus just now..and i saw students in all their different sec school uniforms..i was filled with so much nostalgia and cliched as it sounds, memories of my life in jc just flooded my mind..i used to be one of them just 2 years ago..feeling lost, unaware and vulnerable in a new environment, yet at the same time excited and anticipating what's to come..i thought of orientation which i have bittersweet recollections of, all lessons we had together as a class, all the lame stuff we did during the lessons, especially bio..all the chapteh we played especially and odac..and so so so much more! it seemed like it was just yesterday i was a newbie in school and now, i'm already past A levels and feeling lost all over again over what to do with my life..i miss school...

i made my new year resolution like i always do at the beginning of each year, and like all previous years, i seek to be a better person..i guess as i grow older, i start to understand myself more, and i can point out more specific flaws of myself..so i shall work on getting rid of them as much as i can!

i hope it'll be a happy and memorable year for everyone, and im thankful for all that 2006 has given me.. :)