cherish

i realized there's no point trying too hard..if its meant to be, it will be..all the one-sided greetings..i should have known better, earlier..if you're not wanted around, it will show..what's the point of putting aside my pride then, for something that i have in reality little control over..maybe i'm thinking too much..but it's painful when you start speculating, hope that it's not the truth, but later find out it actually is..you start to understand so well that ignorance is really bliss..what happened to friendship that was supposed to be simple, all-encompassing and gracious? hope in uncertainty gives one strength, but more often than not, it leads to even more disappointment than if one did not hope at all..should i still hope for anything, then?

i have always, during times of adversity, be brought back to the simple truth that the people i can run to for faith, for assurance are just right in front of me. my parents..i hate myself for never appreciating them enough..will i ever be able to love as unconditionally as them? no matter what happens, they're always there for me..making me feel that everything will be alright..for as long as i stay within their protective arms..how daddy, above anyone else, will do whatever he can to stand up for my rights..even if it seems that nobody else cares..i felt so safe, so secure to leave everything in his hands..and mummy, always taking care of every little detail of my life..makes me feel that nothing can be too difficult for me to handle, as long as they're around..

and for you dear, for simply being the best boyfriend in the world..more than i could ever ask for..always so understanding to accomodate my schedule..trying your best to find me whenever i am sad..no matter how inconvenient it is for you..like my parents, you make me feel so secure just knowing i have you in my life..thank you for loving me..

i must must stop being so caught up with my own life, and really start to cherish the people who mean so much to me..i always want to share my innermost thoughts with my parents..but somehow, the desire to appear strong in front of them always becomes an obstacle to my doing so..sigh..

i will press on!

a genuine display of love

on my way home today, i witnessed a simple but moving act of love. it was raining the whole day and i was just hoping to reach home as soon as possible and seek shelter from the rain. as i was walking up the stairs, a couple was walking down. what caught my attention immediately was that the guy, who was holding the umbrella, was only half-sheltered by it. it seemed so natural for him to want to keep his partner dry. and they didn't seem like those lovey-dovey couples still in the honeymoon period, in which the guy would sometimes try too hard to impress the girl. rather, his noble act was one that he didn't have the intention of letting his girl know, simply walking down together in a perfectly normal, mundane manner older couples do.

this is what true love is about i guess, having no qualms about putting the ones you love before yourself. <3

nostalgia

i was sorting and looking through my jc texts while clearing my room and sigh, was hardly hit by nostalgia all over again..from the most unexpected source! my chem s and physics s tys..just flipping through the pages, looking at the notes i diligently but blindly jotted down during the lectures..i actually miss the whole feeling of staying back after school and attending these lectures during which i'm almost always lost and unprepared for..then, i'd always feel tempted to skip them, sometimes filling our time before the lectures by playing cards..at times there'll be others in the class doing their homework too..all these may not seem extraodinary or out of the mundane, but somehow the memory is just so impactful..perhaps its the reliving the feeling of spending time so freely with my friends..like yk, yh, mavis...being together for the purpose of passing time..something almost impossible now, with everyone having their own busy lives to handle..meeting up is already a blessing..

i really really miss those days..

and the recent influx of odacians posting past odac photos on facebook simply resulted in all my odac memories rushing back to me..and again, it was just too overwhelming..the feeling of wanting to experience all of it all over again..is that nostalgia? from our expeditions, taking long bus journeys together, sleeping in tents together, kayaking & sports climbing together..to our PT sessions in school, dinners after sessions..i just miss EVERYTHING! argh..

recently, it feels as though alot happened in my life..i guess its mainly cos of rspid recruitment..but when responsibility has been thrust onto your shoulders when you're hardly prepared for it, you're just forced to grow up and rise up to the occasion..i still don't feel confident of being decisive and rational, and i feel demoralized by that..i'll learn i guess..but i'm still really really glad i have the rest of the RSPID family to rely on..i feel blessed to have known this genuine and kind-hearted group of people...i'll never regret joining rspid..even if it has greatly compromised on my time to do other things..seeing the little adorable antics of our trainees week after week is just enough to make my week! :)

on a separate note, how much should one give to a friendship? when it hurts you over and over again, what should you do? is nonchalance really the best way out? but it's not so easy to remain nonchalant in the first place..did it really have to be this way? i don't know..what else can i do anyway?

i shall be random here and post a picture of my beloved rainbow and sunshine for all of you who miss them! hehe