cherish

i realized there's no point trying too hard..if its meant to be, it will be..all the one-sided greetings..i should have known better, earlier..if you're not wanted around, it will show..what's the point of putting aside my pride then, for something that i have in reality little control over..maybe i'm thinking too much..but it's painful when you start speculating, hope that it's not the truth, but later find out it actually is..you start to understand so well that ignorance is really bliss..what happened to friendship that was supposed to be simple, all-encompassing and gracious? hope in uncertainty gives one strength, but more often than not, it leads to even more disappointment than if one did not hope at all..should i still hope for anything, then?

i have always, during times of adversity, be brought back to the simple truth that the people i can run to for faith, for assurance are just right in front of me. my parents..i hate myself for never appreciating them enough..will i ever be able to love as unconditionally as them? no matter what happens, they're always there for me..making me feel that everything will be alright..for as long as i stay within their protective arms..how daddy, above anyone else, will do whatever he can to stand up for my rights..even if it seems that nobody else cares..i felt so safe, so secure to leave everything in his hands..and mummy, always taking care of every little detail of my life..makes me feel that nothing can be too difficult for me to handle, as long as they're around..

and for you dear, for simply being the best boyfriend in the world..more than i could ever ask for..always so understanding to accomodate my schedule..trying your best to find me whenever i am sad..no matter how inconvenient it is for you..like my parents, you make me feel so secure just knowing i have you in my life..thank you for loving me..

i must must stop being so caught up with my own life, and really start to cherish the people who mean so much to me..i always want to share my innermost thoughts with my parents..but somehow, the desire to appear strong in front of them always becomes an obstacle to my doing so..sigh..

i will press on!