it's finally the weekend!

after a week's long of training, our much anticipated weekend finally arrived. 11 of us (singaporeans, australian, koreans, japanese) made our way to macau! always heard of it but never really knew what to expect. hmm after being there, and being someone who does not gamble nor enjoy the smell of second-hand smoke, i felt the trip was not really worth the SGD80 ferry fare. the company was nice though.

i'm actually starting to enjoy the company of the rest..what kinda bothers me now is how i'm beginning to reveal my playful (and sometimes childish) side to them, and they react to it like how most of my friends in school do. it makes me feel comfortable all over again cos it seems like such an informal atmosphere, and yet worries me cos of it. i sometimes get too carried away playing, and forget that these are actually my future colleagues! i guess i still need to put forward some sort of professionalism to them? i think i've not fully convinced myself of the fact that i'm a working adult now, no longer a kiddy student, nor do i really know how i should behave in front of colleagues...

anyway, what struck me the most today in macau was this 3-day old (my guess) baby bird i picked up just right in front of the ruins of st. paul's..3 hk guys were crowding around a corner and when i looked closer, i saw a little mass on the floor which they were trying to pick up with a tissue. i realised it was a tiny baby bird, unfeathered & who was still blind. it had fell from its nest due to the sudden rain and winds. my heart broke immediately. i moved forward and picked up its fragile, small body with my bare fingers; it was still alive. i couldn't help it, i just started crying. ever since booboo, i told myself the next time i chanced upon a baby bird, i WILL save it no matter what. but this time, it was simply impossible..i was in a foreign land, away from the already foreign hk- how was i able to spend days watching the baby bird from afar & wait for its mummy to appear?

i contemplated the possibilities. my first instinct was to keep it warm in my hands (it was pouring and the winds were strong) around macau, then bring it back to hk, nurse it for 5 days, and perhaps smuggle it back to singapore where i would have to rear it..cos there is no way i can release it back to the wild without a mummy bird to have trained it to fend for itself. but i knew it was just wishful thinking..1. it's a wild bird, it should grow up in the wild 2. was i really expecting to succeed in smuggling it back to singapore? 3. would i be able to have the time to care for 3 birds at home? 4. would i even have the time to take care of it and feed it every 4 hours here in hk in the midst of my training? 5. it would have to be a huge emotional investment again, and would i be able to deal with the pain again should the baby bird die while being taken care of in my hands?

my internal struggle over what to do caused me to spend a long time just holding the bird in between my hands, and the rest to wait for me which i felt bad about. a few of them were really sweet, and tried their best to make me feel better and give suggestions on what i should do. the 3 hk guys were really sweet and genuinely concerned about the baby bird too..i thought they had left after i brought the baby bird away..but they approached me at least 3 times thereafter, appearing out of nowhere..they had actually followed me around for half hour, cos they were worried about the baby bird! they came up to me each time, communicated in broken chinese, and tried to give suggestions too..i was touched that they actually hung around just to see how the baby bird was doing..(one of them was quite shuai summore! haha..good looking + caring = ups)

i went into the pharmacy to ask for a syringe (thinking i could feed the bird) but failed, excitedly approached this man holding 4 cages with birds to ask if he had bird food, and hoping he would take pity on the baby bird in my hand and take it back..but he simply shook his head after realising i was not interested in buying his birds and walked off..sigh..

i felt relieved each time i felt its breathing in my hands, yet worried over whether it might be its last breath. it probably fell from quite a height and i had no way of telling if it was injured internally. many of them were urging me to leave the bird somewhere safe, and i agreed eventually cos i knew it is always best for a baby animal to be taken care of by its mummy. i placed it on some tissue at a dry spot behind a pillar near where i had found it. i prayed hard that it would survive, and that it's mummy would find it soon. what worried me most this time was not so much predators, but the harsh weather. it was raining, it was cold, and this poor baby was not feathered. it's extremely important for baby birds this age to be kept warm constantly.

as i walked away, i couldn't stop trying to find a reason behind my encounter with a baby bird yet again. what also affected me was how coincidental it was. just 5 min before finding it, i had seen a sparrow fly past, and i started thinking of booboo (cos booboo actually looked like a small sparrow). i had actually stopped thinking of booboo as often nowadays, and just when i felt sad over her again, an even more vulnerable baby bird appeared right in front of me. was i meant to take better care of it this time? what was the role or responsibility expected out of me?

i couldn't really tell its species as it was so small..but from its yellow beak, i would suspect its a mynah..i just wished this happened in singapore instead..haiz..at least i would be able to do so, so, so much more for it...

i hope you make it, little birdie :)

speaking of animals, i've been watching the national geographic channel each night in my hotel room..2 nights ago they screened a documentary called 'caught in the act', which featured videos shot by civilians of predators in hunting action. i was overwhelmed by what i saw. in singapore, or in the planet earth series, successful hunts were always implied in the commentary, but never explicitly shown. here, actual killings were shown, and it was just a heart-wrenching sight to see an animal being killed, being alive in one moment and dead in the next. i started crying when they showed this brutaly savage scene- a group of female lions attacking a hyena (both are known to be arch enemies); they took turns to bite at the hyena's neck, strangling it, then its body, breaking its bones. the worst thing was that they attacked it not as a meal, but simply out of pure hatred and evil. with the hyena left lying there & heaving heavily, the lions walked away with a snarl, leaving it to die. they simply wanted to torture the hyena and let it die a painful death! i never knew animals could possess such a conscious level of schemingness in them; i hated the lions for being like this. i couldn't imagine what the hyena must have felt. it must have been in excruciating pain from all the broken bones; would it have been scared, knowing that it was breathing it last moments and simply waiting to die? why must nature be like that?

this is such a sad post, i'm sorry..i shall go catch some sleep..its 5.00am now..they wanna go for dim sum lunch tmr, and i realy hope i can wake up in time! update more tmr, and will post my photos on fb instead! it's tedious to do it on blogspot!

haha ok i can't maintain my stamina of blogging everyday- too tedious and i don't have refreshing new thoughts each day anyway too..

things have been getting better each day..i think it's making friends and feeling accepted that makes all the difference..there are still quite a few people whose names i don't know or whom i haven't spoke to at al yet, but each day i get to know around 3 more ppl?

we were so incorrigible today. there was excel training with this external vendor, and we were all SOOO happy cos we could have internet access during the day for once (since it's computer-based training) and i swear the ENTIRE group of us were on FACEBOOK simultaneously illegally during the training! everyone was adding each other as friends, we're just terrible!! call ourselves professional working adults eh..but what i was most glad about was the ability to message zk the whole day for free! hehe..really miss that luxury..

anyway, ytd ended with a presentation by a director from the front office, and it just made me realise how ignorant i am about current financial affairs. it was rather demoralising, and i know it's my own fault cos i didn't really read the papers..but i felt really inept and lousy..i admit there are times i feel i wasted all my studying and grades by settling for a rather mundane job (that some others might probably look down upon as saigang), but there are times like these that make me feel i don't deserve to be working in a bank at all! i keep reminding myself that i MUST be contented with whatever i have...

anyway before i came over to hk i made myself a resolution not to be judgmental or cynical without giving myself a chance to really get to know people first..been trying to hard to only see the good in these new people i'm meeting, but i'm guilty of violating this resolution at times, when i start to convince myself that i can't make genuine friends in an environment where most people probably talk to you for the sake of forming connections rather than really wanting to know you better as a person..but of course, there are a few really nice people that i feel very comfortable talking and joking with :)

went clubbing for the first time ever ytd, in a foreign land!! will write more about it tmr, and post some new photos too! have to go work on my case study presentation slides..we're all supposed to present tmr, but none of the groups are really enthusiastic or super uptight about it anyway hahaha..guess everyone just wants to play!

till tomorrow!

day 2 in hk + lotsa photos!

haha this is gonna be photo-intensive post, not alot of people though! hope you all won't find it very boring! shall start off by uploading ytd's photos first :)

leaving the hk airport for the taxi stand

hk is a really ironic place. there are mountains like these everywhere, yet the apartments are super small and built extremely densely together, because flat, buildable land is really limited. quite a sight to see vast expanses of mountains and then squashed up houses right?

i realised hk has MANY MANY bridges, of varying designs! i think it's cos there's a lot of sea, and the roads are built over as bridges over the waters..

finally reached my hotel room! this is my toilet! clean and extremely sufficient, with a hot shower and hair dryer!

my room's really tiny that i didn't have a good angle to take a picture of the entire room at once! my luggage is actually behind the bed by the curtains..

i have FOUR pillows to myself!

view from my room window 1; i live on the 15th floor

view 2; you can get a feel of how close the buildings are to one another

we started exploring the area soon after!

stopped by a tea cafe for lunch at around 4.30p.m. this guy is called bruce lee! he's south korean, but will be working in singapore ops too..

lan kwai fung; a place well-known for its bars and night-life, rather near our hotel..it's the world cup season as you can see..we arrived the day of the finals..

night market at temple street; nothing to buy at all though

we stopped for dessert at a roadside stall; it was SUPER humid i was sweatingggg! these 3 are the other 3 whom i was on the same flight with..the guy on the left is super nice, though i'm always teasingly mean to him...i'm really glad he's in this group..if i lag behind he would wait for me, unlike the rest who would hardly even turn around to check..i'm used to my more caring and thoughful friends! like diana who would turn around and check even in an l4d game! hehe..anyway this guy is originally from china, but studied in sydney, and is gonna work in singapore with me! you know he has a gf of over TEN years...super impressed..they have been maintaining a LDR since 2003..wow..anyway the girl is very pretty right!

typical psychadellically-lit streets of hk

walking up the numerous flights of stairs back to our hotel on a hill!

START OF DAY 2:

we have a daily shuttle bus to ferry us from the hotel to our office building. today's bus left earlier, at 7.45a.m.

the view from our office at one island east is just BREATHTAKING.

we had allocated seating; mine was right beside the food table!

the japanese hires were super adorable! during a much-needed snack break in between presentations, they gave out little snacks they brought all the way from japan! i was very amused by the one of the left- it's called 'tokyo banana'!

a peek of our room..there were presentations the ENTIRE day, from 9a.m. all the way to 6.30p.m. i can't believe how draining it was! i really rather be doing work instead of simply sitting there- i'll fall asleep! i dozed off numerous times, think the hr caught me once..but i was not the only one..almost everyone else was trying their hardest to keep awake seriously..each presentation lasted an hour straight, with 5-10min breaks in between..and no offence, not that the speakers (senior mgmt from various depts) were extremely entertaining or something too..but appreciate that they took time off to talk to us, nooby new hires..

view from our presentation room window

more photos of my room! again, restricted angle..

contented with my tv (with which i could've caught the world cup finals if i wanted!) and boiling flask :)

to me the biggest thing that i can remember of today was my menstrual cramps..i can't believe it was so bad! when i sometimes don't even get it at all..i wouldn't call it cramps, just a super queasy feeling, like an extended bladder, super unbearable..i've never felt so alone in my life..it felt so painful yet i had to pretend that i was all normal, listening to presentations and chirpily striking up conversations with my japanese and hongkong colleagues as everyone networked during each break..soon i couldnt take it anymore, and during lunch i just hid inside the toilet cubicle and sat down on the toilet seat..i kept praying for the pain to disappear..what i hated most was not the pain, but having to act like there was no pain in front of the others..i wish i could just sit inside the toilet forever and not return to the room..i just felt like leaving the training halfway and going back to the hotel to rest, but i knew it was impossible..for one, the extremely pricey taxi fares in hk already put me off..

i missed home soooo much, i resented that i was all alone to fend for myself in a foreign land..with no one i could tell that i wasn't feeling well..sigh..everyone seemed too amibitious to really show genuine concern for another person..i know i'm being too cynical, but that was really what i felt today..i felt so desperate to call home or sth but i didn't get a calling card and it would be so ex..

i wanna go back to singapore, where i can be surrounded by my loving family and friends.. :(

day 1 in hong kong

it's 11.16pm now and i'm comfortably tucked under the comforter of my queen-sized hotel bed, with jazz music playing on the radio-clock in the background..just finished settling all the miscellaneous chores..like hanging up my work clothes, boiling water, brushing teeth etc.

the day turned out alright :) the 4 other people i flew with are quite nice and easy-going, so i'm quite glad. disappointed instead with myself for now seemingly the aloof one! my initial energy to strike up conversation topics and to know the rest better seemed to dissipate over time, as i just walked silently along the humid & hot streets of hk, occasionally joking around and snapping photos of the busy streets..

i don't know if it's due to the excess of high-rise concrete buildings which trap heat more easily and also obstruct the formation of any winds, but it was really sweltering hot, worse than singapore! passing by the air-conditioned entrances of shops provided a cooling respite each time! haha

j.p.m's push for diversity in its workforce is extremely apparent, i must admit. 5 of us from operations were booked on the same flight, and guess what, i'm the ONLY singaporean! there were 3 prcs, but all studied in various countries! 1 of them in singapore, another in canada, and another in sydney! the last guy is south korean who studied in sydney too. there were 2 of us girls; the other girl is super pretty, and is very blatant about her outspokeness and competitiveness. she's nice and unpretentious though, that's why i like about her. but i guess being in the same department as her when work starts might prove to be pressurising, given her aggressive nature?

very contented with the hotel room, very cozy, clean & comfortable, only that it's extremely crammed, hardly any walking space. had to literally lift my luggage over my bed to put it at one side of the room cos there's no rolling space! took photos of the room and the view outside, will probably upload tmr! feel the stress to sleep early tonight cos it's my first official day of work tmr, also the only day in the whole trip we have to wear the full business suit. don't wanna doze off like i did during the FIRST day of my internship!

to all my friends who encouraged me and tried to assuage my fears, thank you! i was particularly touched by chujie's e-card :) she actually tried to address each of my 7 worries listed in the blog post below! hehe..now that i've found that the other sg ops people are quite nice, half my worries are gone..hope tmr will be smooth-sailing! :) will update again tmr for those friends who are interested to know and who are concerned about me! :)

till tmr...............

im really starting to feel the jitters! i guess starting the first day of work in a faraway land, away from my family and friends, does not present pleasant expectations to a less-than-independent me..

i have so many silly worries:

• what if nobody likes me?
• what if i can't fit into the outspoken, maybe aggressive, nature of all the new recruits?
• what if i can't get ready in time and miss the daily morning shuttle bus?
• what if i fall asleep during the training?
• what if i stutter while networking with senior management?
• what if my lack of current affairs knowledge makes me appear silly in front of the others?
• what if i screw up the presentation we have to make at the end?

haha you know sometimes i just wish we didn't have to go to hk..i don't mind just working and working and working in singapore from the very beginning! i haven't even started packing, nor properly learnt the various functions in excel, nor enriched myself with the latest financial news around the world..can't believe what a great procrastinator i am..

i think the biggest message i gotta tell myself is: cherish this opportunity and learn to be independent!!!!!

the week right after i return is my convocation already..after that, i'll officially have no more ties to the student world :( i miss it already..i actually miss course registration! relived the whole 'excitement' when i helped jingjing register! she's always such a worrywart and scaredycat she somehow feels i click faster than her and got me to help her click from my home even while she was in stars planner!!

on a sidenote, here's a piece of advice to everyone NEVER to take lozenges (at least those with antibiotic properties) on a empty stomach! i sucked one in the afternoon, and was left feeling terribly nauseous the whole day, it's HORRIBLE! i had diarrhoea too, so to be honest i don't really know if its the lozenges, but everything started after i popped it into my mouth! and my mummy told me she experienced the same thing yesterday too..had no appetite for dinner at all but tried to eat a little at the coffee shop..when we walked back to the car i couldn't control it anymore and just threw up! urgh! haven't vomitted in a long time, but it was a GREAT relief man! i felt sooooo much better after that :D but yes, i'll never eat that brand of lozenges again!!

to all my friends, meet up and play when i'm back okie! will be back on 23rd july, friday!

:(

haven't felt emo in a really long time..quite an amazement right, given that i would actually characterize myself as a naturally emo person just around 2 years back..

i used to feel that being emo was healthy, because 'sorrow makes us human', that it allowed me to get in touch with my emotions and thoughts. but now, the feeling sucks! i just wish to snap out of it..

i wish to talk to someone about it, but i really don't wanna appear too angsty, or perhaps all my close friends have somewhat contributed a little, just a little, to my emo-ness in the first place..

i guess it's just everything happening on the same day that makes it seem difficult to bear.

close friends not replying my messages when the subject of the message is pretty urgent; learning that the imminent sec 4 gathering is quite a failure with only 6 people attending, with none of my clique attending..i know they each have their own reasons, but i just can't help but feel disappointed cos we never attended a class gathering without each other in the past, and it was natural that i expected the same this time..however nobody bothered to communicate within the clique to enquire about the whether the rest was going cos each of them probably never thought she was gonna go in the first place, so why ask? i don't know why exactly i feel disappointed- that my clique will not appear for the gathering together? or that the once pure, simple bond that 4/9 used to share has now been superceded by new and more important commitments in the lives of my classmates? sigh..

went back to j.p.m to collect my laptop for the hk trip today, and felt rather demoralized by the high turnover..my team has practically changed! i feel sad that i can no longer enjoy the camaraderie and laughter the old team used to have while i was an intern..i'll definitely miss a few of those who have left or will be leaving soon..and feel a little apprehensive if i made the right career choice in the first place..to enter a firm where people seem to want to be leaving so much..is there a problem with the culture that i was not made aware of when i was an intern?

while others might feel excited about the hk training in 3 days, i feel scared. perhaps my emo feelings now are not helping to let me think in a positive light and do self-assurance mental talks as i usually try to do..i feel afraid of even the most superficial stuff like mismatching my formal attire without even knowing it (cos of my poor fashion sense) to being late and thus being the only one left behind without a shuttle bus, to not having any friends!

oh man i really should stop ranting!

i wish i could talk to zk now but he's sleeping..hais...

home is where the heart is

developed a selected collection of UK photos, and placed the family-related pictures into this heart-shaped wire frame i bought from stratford which i fell in love with at first sight!

mummy refused to let me put it up in the living room, and daddy sneakily placed it on the wall along the walkway! right after he put it up, he told me "later mummy see already sure make noise one" with his trademark cheeky chuckle. he actually took down another hanging ornament and replaced it with the frame!

once daddy knew that i had bought the frame back in UK, each time i asked him to pose for photos, he would joke, "girl you better take handsome photos of daddy ar, must put in the frame one", just to tease me cos i was so excited about my purchase!

also developed a stack of purely-scenery photos which i quite like, and am very excited to create a collage on my room wall! :D my wish is to be able to take super nice photos next time, which i can blow up and frame on the walls of my house. i feel that framed photos can better define and achieve one's intended atmosphere of his home :)

a confession to make

i can't believe i've started online shopping! i realised once you start, it's so easy to continue :x in the past i was always held back by my not knowing the payment procedure..but temptation overwhelmed inertia when i saw a SALE on this particular blogshop and got 2 pieces for work purposes! i'm getting more and more vainnnnn

and just this week, being cooped up at home everyday, i had the luxury of filling up my time by exploring other blogshops..and i've decided to get 2 more dresses (DRESSES!)..i think i'm growing up and realising that my usual t-shirts and shorts attire may not be suitable for all occasions and venues, and am seeking more 'elegant' outfits..i feel sooo guilty admitting this!! am i on my way to becoming a spendthrift shopaholic??

i haven't even told my mummy about my 2 pending orders..she won't scold me, but she will surely niam "wah now know how to spend money already ar"..and i don't like her to think that way of me!! sighhhh

anyway, went to get my convocation gown on sunday..was never truly excited about convocation (since i already consider myself, quoting jingkai, a graduatED student) until i tried on the gown at serangoon broadway, a photography studio which provides convocation & wedding gowns..saw my reflection in the mirror and all at once, i felt a super strong sense of pride surge through me- proud of myself, my coursemates, for getting this far, and also for making my parents proud of me. it really IS quite a milestone in our lives i guess, especially when compared to graduating from sec school or jc, when we'd know we'll just continue to study, just more advanced stuff..this time, we're all being thrown out to WORK. i still can't believe i'm gonna be a working adult. i still feel like a small girl in my parents' eyes, i'm still so young!! hehe

gonna meet zk and his 2 RI friends for dinner tonight..1 of them is very shuai one! so i always joke with zk that i wanna meet him..haha..and usually he'll say NO! mainly cos he thinks it'll be weird if i tag along their 'guys' outing..but this time, the 2 of them are bringing their gfs *heartbreak!!* and so i'm invited. *rolls eyes* but to be honest, i'm feeling a little apprehensive and reluctant to go! it's my first time going out with them, and zk had made them out to be 'not as friendly as his other guy friends whom i've met'..plus this time their gfs (whom i have no idea what they look like at all) are going too..so i'll be forced to sit at a table and engage in preppy conversation with 4 people i haven't spoken to before! i also have a feeling that their gfs are those super chio and well-dressed kind of people, so i feel pressurised to meet them! i always feel scared of talking to good-looking people, unless they are already my close friends or sth..i think they will look down on me, and my lack of fashion sense or cultured demeanor..i really hope they turn out to be friendly and nice people! sigh, this is so weird.

went to my beloved enghui's house last night..dunno why, but i always feel extremely contented and happy at the end of each visit. we didn't do much..ate my wifey's cooking..i forced her to play the piano with me..oh man engsin you've become so rusty it's atrocious!!! grade 8 student!! haha and she was pok as usual..it was rather hot while we were playing, and she said 'oh you want the fan?' -engsin looks around- 'oh but there's no fan'..so kok right!! haha..and we started flipping thru her sec sch notebooks, which were FULL of tyz's scribbles and drawings (gasp!)..and a few guest 'dear diary' entries by me impersonating her & professing her love for KWA!! haha i forgot to take a photo of it, it was rather hilarious :p i feel very loved by her family every time i visit..wifey will always cut so much fruit for us, stroke my shoulder when we talk, and mr. wifey will insist on driving me home..feel so bad!! i love my ong family! <333

okie, i shall move on to more constructive stuff like honing my excel skills + reading up on financial news, as required by my HR!

girly sleepover + peipei's makeover!

hehe i've finally gotten down to downloading the photos from my cammie!

diana & peipei came for a short stayover (as peipei had work the next day) last wed and the always so well-prepared diana brought along her makeup kit to materialise her lifelong wish of giving pei a makeover!

lo & behold, prepare yourselves while peipei unleashes her girly beauty she's always so shy to reveal in the photos below! :p

BEFORE:

the in-house makeup artist!

applying eyeliner

applying glue onto fake eyelashes

assistant makeup artist adding more eyeliner (haphazardly)!

i'm the hairstylist! hehe

and the end result is....

*drumroll*

...

....

.....

TADAH!

sooo chio right!!! :DDD together with peipei's trademark megawatt smile!

they forced me to put on fake lashes too, which was very uncomfortable! like something tugging at your eyelids constantly :x and diana purposely chose this super dramatic one for me!

our 'made-over' selves hahaha check out peipei's WINGED TIP lined eyes- so seductive right!

giving pretty diana an almost non-existent makeover: a new hairstyle!

our bimbotic and vain selves!

getting ready for an 'early' night as peipei had to wake up early the next morning

goodnite & sweet dreamsss :)