:(

haven't felt emo in a really long time..quite an amazement right, given that i would actually characterize myself as a naturally emo person just around 2 years back..

i used to feel that being emo was healthy, because 'sorrow makes us human', that it allowed me to get in touch with my emotions and thoughts. but now, the feeling sucks! i just wish to snap out of it..

i wish to talk to someone about it, but i really don't wanna appear too angsty, or perhaps all my close friends have somewhat contributed a little, just a little, to my emo-ness in the first place..

i guess it's just everything happening on the same day that makes it seem difficult to bear.

close friends not replying my messages when the subject of the message is pretty urgent; learning that the imminent sec 4 gathering is quite a failure with only 6 people attending, with none of my clique attending..i know they each have their own reasons, but i just can't help but feel disappointed cos we never attended a class gathering without each other in the past, and it was natural that i expected the same this time..however nobody bothered to communicate within the clique to enquire about the whether the rest was going cos each of them probably never thought she was gonna go in the first place, so why ask? i don't know why exactly i feel disappointed- that my clique will not appear for the gathering together? or that the once pure, simple bond that 4/9 used to share has now been superceded by new and more important commitments in the lives of my classmates? sigh..

went back to j.p.m to collect my laptop for the hk trip today, and felt rather demoralized by the high turnover..my team has practically changed! i feel sad that i can no longer enjoy the camaraderie and laughter the old team used to have while i was an intern..i'll definitely miss a few of those who have left or will be leaving soon..and feel a little apprehensive if i made the right career choice in the first place..to enter a firm where people seem to want to be leaving so much..is there a problem with the culture that i was not made aware of when i was an intern?

while others might feel excited about the hk training in 3 days, i feel scared. perhaps my emo feelings now are not helping to let me think in a positive light and do self-assurance mental talks as i usually try to do..i feel afraid of even the most superficial stuff like mismatching my formal attire without even knowing it (cos of my poor fashion sense) to being late and thus being the only one left behind without a shuttle bus, to not having any friends!

oh man i really should stop ranting!

i wish i could talk to zk now but he's sleeping..hais...