forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past

i think for a friendship to work it takes both to care enough about it
i've learnt not to expect too much
but i thought that its natural to do so
maybe we're just not that close anymore
after all these, will we still keep in touch?
or go our separate ways with only memories to cling on to

i know so many things will change..
i'm quite resistant to change acually..so i still feel my life has been quite peaceful..
i dont know how things will be like
but there's not much point thinking so far also..not that i can do much about it
i may promise myself to do many things now..but i think promises to yourself are the easiest to break and forget..just like new year resolutions..they seem to give a kind of direction to our lives initially..but after a while we tend to lose focus and i just live my life one day at a time..its good in a way because i dont get worried unnecessarily about the future, but then its all because im lazy to think so far and i also end up worrying about much more trivial stuff..

back to promises to myself..i think i forget them easily because i know it'll not really make much of a difference to anyone else's life..and no one will know if i break them at all..and i think constantly trying to reevaluate myself and my life is too tiring and i dont get anywhere from there too..i think i have so many flaws that not many know about..does that make me a scary person?

yz was telling me that day about ppl being deep and scheming and doing things which just put others off unknowingly..but i was thinking..arent these ppl the shallow people? who do simply what their mind tells them to..not caring about what other people think of them..then if i think negative thoughts but dont actually put any of them into action does that make me an even more scary and 'deep' person in that sense?

i think im too concerned over not offending anyone that i dont really open my heart to most people..i restrict what i say most of the time..cos i feel many people are still in the process of judging me..that they're not ready to accept me totally for who i am and whatever flaws i have..nway i feel that being concerned like this is in itself a flaw too..but i can never know the perfect way of being a human being too..the perfect way of doing things or thinking..

bleah im back to reevaluating my actions again im just contradicting myself
ok i dont even know the point of this whole post actually

nway to kwa, yunhua, tyz, yk etc who tagged, hello! haha though i see u all everyday la..except kwa! sorry even i cant reply on my own tagboard too haha..all yunhua's fault! help me set up this lousy tagboard! hahahahah :p