i think i've given up

i didnt want to blog about this because i thought there was still hope, that it could still be salvaged
but i have seen for myself that i really should just give up. totally.
you cant imagine how sick and tired i am of all this nonsense
the worst thing is, i dont even know why it happened
i really cant understand how someone can turn his/her back on a friend so quickly..
shouldnt friendship be about tolerating another's flaws and accomodating them?
yes i know im not perfect. if you cant accept me for who i am then why be my friend in the first place? if you're gonna hurt me after that i'd rather i never met you..

believe me, i really wanted everything to work out, to go back to how it was..and i did think it actually was for a period of time! then what happened after that? im totally clueless

was our friendship so fragile right from the start? that everything can so cruelly be destroyed by NOTHING (at least to me). that you could forsake it so easily, without getting affected a single bit at all? i really thought u were a great friend, someone i could have fun with yet confide in at the same time..but where has all that gone to? what exactly happened? maybe im oversensitive, too easily affected..and that's what you cant stand about me..but all i know is that i have never done anything against you consciously, or offended you deliberately and i really cant understand what you hate about me so much, when we could be such great friends in the past..if i had that flaw i had it right from the start..why is it only now that you start to loathe it?

maybe you'll never know how many times i've cried alone about this..but i guess you wont care anyway..the whole thing doesnt seem to matter to you anyway

i'm tired of trying, of hoping, of still believing that there is hope
its too emotionally draining
its too difficult to put up a strong front all the time

i really dont know what to expect anymore
i learn new things about this world all the time
i wish i never had to grow up
i just want to run away from it all..but the reality that i cant just makes everything worse..


i guess i should learn to let go, to move on and leave all this behind