forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past

:( i realized its been my fault all along..i always thought i was somebody who'd always do the right stuff about friendships..like cherishing them and being thankful for them..but im wrong!! i was so stupid and irresponsible to always push the blame to other people when a friendship doesnt hold out..cos the problem lies with me..i let a barrier of awkwardness form so easily in my mind..i always say i don't keep in touch with some of my old friends cos im afraid of the awkwardness..but actually i may be the only one feeling it..but in the end the friendship suffers cos i naturally distance myself from those friends and there's a huge part of me i hide away when we finally do get to talk and update one another a little on our lives respectively..im also just lazy to go explain things right from the start, all over again, to each old friend that i speak to..

so its just me all along..

hmmm..haiz but the fact that both of us have gone on so well with our lives without the inclusion of each other shows that the friendship didnt matter that much to either of us..if not we would have done something at least to save it.. :(

now when i sometimes feel like calling up my old friends, im not even sure if they're interested in the first place to catch up with me..not that my life is very much worth knowing about anyway..i dont wanna seem like a nuisance too..

played chapteh again today! so fun..but i always feel damn lousy when playing with a group of guys..though they're v tolerant towards my lousiness..hmm always get the feeling they'd rather me not play..cos im so lousy! :( but yk and zx's always playing cards nowadays! no one to play chapteh wif me..

haha but the yk's dunno wad slap jack game very exciting! can play next time too! :)

haha binbin came over today! she was supposed to wake me up at 430 for me to practise my piano and go for piano at 5! but both of us fell asleep and slept till 515! haha so i was late for piano again..why do i always feel so sleepy before piano??

dinner today was nice! :)