still in awe...

...of michael jackson :)

sigh i can't find a way to shake off this sadness and how much i'm being affected by the things i keep learning about him, in a positive way of course..

i don't know what exactly i'm affected about too..i guess its just many different overwhelming emotions..firstly angry about the irresponsible media who reported just soo many untruths while failing to realise he was human and had feelings too..and then helpless that many people around me still have serious misconceptions about him and cannot really be bothered to seek truth to these misconceptions..and a tinge of yearning to have been able to meet this person in my life..and lastly, awe- more and more, i'm drawn to this man who just seems to be outstandingly above the average person, both in terms of talent and depth of character..how could someone be just. so. amazing??

now, whenever i see any performer, i immediately discount him/her cos i'll have a tendency to compare them to mj! and in my opinion, hardly anyone can surpass his talent and creativity! hehe

yesterdaly i (piratedly) downloaded his autobiography, titled 'moonwalk'..read the first 10 pages but had just enough discipline to stop and force myself to study for my 301 exam instead today..but once it ended, i immediately continued my read, eager to find out more about his thoughts and yet reluctant to finish reading the 86-page journal too soon..

and my, what depth there was in his thoughts..i won't gush about this character here that much since i already did so in a previous entry..he quite repeatedly wrote about how he felt much older than his age, given that he started working so hard at the age of 5..and what intrigues me is how he displayed so much wisdom beyond his years, probably a result of experiencing so much more than others his age, and wisdom in being able to see what's important in life- simply appreciating the simple things in life, loving others, and being innocent, unjudgmental and inquisitive like children..many people labelled him as the 'kid who never grew up', but who are we to deem that a misfit? living a life the way most others do does not necessarily mean we're living it the 'right' way..if we deem it as shedding our inner child..mj was always aware of the grown-up responsibilities he had to carry, be it in supporting his family or in giving his best in all his music (which he viewed as basic 'courtesy' to his audience), and yet he was mindfully seeking to retain that child-like innocence and willingness to explore in himself..how many of us can actually strike such a wholesome balance?

and i guess this is the reason why he managed to create out-of-this world music and performances that nobody could paralell..be it his singing style, novel dance steps (he pioneered the moonwalk and robot dance), and each element in his songs..he wrote in his autobiography about how he was a perfectionist, and he would keep on improving on the smallest elements in his songs until they produced the right feel for him..just reading about his efforts exposed me to the intensity to which he invested his soul and efforts into everything..and i could easily imagine how tiring this might have been..for us, a few projects in uni are enough to keep us whining and getting stressed over..but for him, he took it upon himself to continually innovate and try..he said 'creating' was one of the most important activities in his life..from that alone i can already infer what a determined and driven soul he had..another quality i can add to my previous list under 'role model qualities'! hehe

he was also constantly learning from others..by observing what they were doing and questioning the inspirations behind their work..he was always intrigued by the talents of others and was a very keen learner..something i feel not many people actually possess..cos it can be a tiring process...but it was simply an innate desire in him! the want to improve himself always..

hehe and i'm glad he has influenced my life in a good way..nowadays, when i think a certain way, i would question, what would michael jackson think or do? if i was about to complain about something, i would remember his forgiving nature and think twice about feeling upset..if i felt proud of something and wanted to tell someone, i would recall his humble nature..if i felt lazy to study or understand something i didn't, i would think of his lifelong passion for learning and perfecting himself and feel inspired! i really think he's a very good role model :)

and i shall end off with a quite a few quotes from his autobiography which i found particularly moving/inspiring/wise:

on life-

"I feel old for some reason. I really feel like an old soul, someone who's seen a lot and experienced a lot. Because of all the years I've clocked in, it's hard for me to accept that I am only twenty-nine. I've been in the business for twenty-four years. Sometimes I feel like I should be near the end of my life, turning eighty, with people patting me on the back. That's what comes from starting so young."

"The lessons she (his mother)taught us were invaluable. Kindness, love, and consideration for other people headed her list. Don't hurt people. Never beg. Never freeload. Those were sins at our house. She always wanted us to give, but she never wanted us to ask or beg. That's the way she is."

"I was so lonely that I used to walk through my neighbourhood hoping I'd run into somebody I could talk to and perhaps become friends with. I wanted to meet people who didn't know who I was. I wanted to run into somebody who would be my friend because they liked me and needed a friend too, not because I was who I am. I wanted to meet anybody in the neighbourhood - the neighbourhood kids, anybody."

"“Man in the Mirror” is a great message. I love that song. If John Lennon was alive, he could really relate to that song because it says that if you want to make the world a better place, you have to work on yourself and change first. It's the same thing Kennedy was talking about when he said, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Start with the man in the mirror. Start with yourself. Don't be looking at all the other things. Start with you."

"I think my image gets distorted in the public's mind. They don't get a clear or full picture of what I'm like, despite the press coverage I mentioned early. Mistruths are printed as fact, in some cases, and frequently only half of a story will be told. The part that doesn't get printed is often the part that would make the printed part less sensational by shedding light on the facts."

on his work attitude and setting goals-

"The problem with TV is that everything must be crammed into a little space of time. You don't have time to perfect anything. Schedules - tight schedules - rule your life. If you're not happy with something, you just forget it and move on to the next routine. I'm a perfectionist by nature. I like things to be the best they can be. I want people to hear or watch something I've done and feel that I've given it everything I've got. I feel I owe an audience that courtesy."

"An artist's imagination is his greatest tool. It can create a mood or feeling that people want to have, as well as transport you to a different place altogether."

"I believe in wishes and in a person's ability to make a wish come true. I really do. Whenever I saw a sunset, I would quietly make my secret wish right before the sun tucked under the western horizon and disappeared. It would seem as if the sun had taken my wish with it. I'd make it right before that last speck of light vanished. And a wish is more than a wish, it's a goal. It's something your conscious and subconscious can help make reality."

"You can't do your best when you're doubting yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, who will? Just doing as well as you did last time is not good enough. I think of it as the “Try to get what you can” mentality. It doesn't require you to stretch, to grow. I don't believe in that."

"To me true bravery is settling differences without a fight and having the wisdom to make that solution possible."

"In the end, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and those you love and work hard. I mean, work like there's no tomorrow. Train. Strive. I mean, really train and cultivate your talent to the highest degree. Be the best at what you do. Get to know more about your field than anybody alive. Use the tools of your trade, if it's books or a floor to dance on or a body of water to swim in. Whatever it is, it's yours."

"I can't answer whether or not I like being famous, but I do love achieving goals. I love not only reaching a mark I've set for myself but exceeding it. Doing more than I thought I could, that's a great feeling. There's nothing like it. I think it's so important to set goals for yourself. It gives you an idea of where you want to go and how you want to get there. If you don't aim for something, you'll never know whether you could have hit the mark."

on his love for children-

"I was truly inspired by the kids on that tour, kids of all ethnic groups and ages. It's been my dream since I was a child to somehow unite people of the world through
love and music. I still get goose bumps when I hear the Beatles sing “All You Need Is Love.” I've always wished that song could be an anthem for the world."

"There are so many things all around us to be thankful for. Wasn't it Robert Frost who wrote about the world a person can see in a leaf? I think that's true. That's what I love about being with kids. They notice everything. They aren't jaded. They get excited by things we've forgotten to get excited about any more. They are so natural too, so unself-conscious. I love being around them. There always seems to be a bunch of kids over at the house and they're always welcome. They energise me - just being around them. They look at everything with such fresh eyes, such open minds. That's part of what makes kids so creative. They don't worry about the rules. The picture doesn't have to be in the centre of the piece of paper. The sky doesn't have to be blue. They are accepting people too. The only demand they make is to be treated fairly - and to be loved. I think that's what we all want."

"I spend a lot of free time - in California and when I'm travelling - visiting children's hospitals. It makes me so happy to be able to brighten those kids' day by just showing up and talking with them, listening to what they have to say and making them feel better. It's so sad for children to have to get sick. More than anyone else, kids don't deserve that. They often can't even understand what's wrong with them. It makes my heart twist. When I'm with them, I just want to hug them and make it all better for them."