i don't know why, but..

i've been feeling a dearth of ideas/inspiration/thoughts of late & looked back at my older entries to see why i had so much to write about in the past.

possible reasons:
1. i was more emotional before, and got more affected by the things around me
2. somewhat linked to point 1, i was less capable of sorting out of my own thoughts internally & had to do it through writing
3. now that i'm working, i have to somewhat restrict what i say about my job/colleagues
4. my mind has retreated to a numb/lazy recess that i don't evaluate/reflect on sights around me that much anymore..
5. there is simply nothing new going on in my life now, and therefore nothing to blog about!!

of the above, i think 4 & 5 are the most plausible reasons.

i'm not sure if i'm the only one who feels this way, but i feel working life has slowed down my pace of thinking, and toned down my need to feel productive and that i'm not wasting any time. that was definitely my mindset when i was studying, when i felt i should make the most of each moment to study if i were not engaged in social interactions with my friends or family.

i can't express how sedentary i feel now, and the worst thing is that my slow mind is also slow to act on the guilt of my evolution into a piece of lard. i feel like a sloth, really! i'm acutely aware of how i'm letting precious time slip by when i waste my weekday nights & entire weekends just lazing around, but i'm facing too much inertia to actually get down to doing something, anything!!

there are, of cos, numerous things i could do..perhaps i should list them down here to motivate myself:
1. running
2. sewing birthday pouches for chujie & kwa
3. preparing a secret santa pressie for phebe as part of my team's xmas celebrations (well, not so much 'secret' anymore since i could hardly conceal i was her santa when she asked me!!)
4. study for cfa level 2 (at least it makes me feel like a student again :))
5. reading the papers (quoting zk, my "general knowledge sucks!")
6. learning watercolour painting
7. exploring singapore to hone my photography skills!
8. volunteering (with RSPID/ASD/ACRES?)

been thinking about my career path a little more..and as much as i still don't know what i wanna do, i do think i won't be able to stay in Ops for a few years..i realised i only feel fulfilled when i have resolved issues which are more challenging to me, and Ops may not be able to provide that challenging edge. but then again, what are the challenging roles out there? and what am i equipped with to take on these more challenging roles?

in the meantime, i'll just continue to put in my best in my job.. :)

and to all my studying friends, jiayou! esp those in your final year...and to my working friends, esp those in audit, hang in there!!